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TroubleSome Mind
| Open Poetry #29 |
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TroubleSome Mind |
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Foxyoasis Senior Member
since 2003-06-10
Posts 974Atlantic Beach,Fla 
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Something inside me tells me to do something right Something else inside me tells me to put up a fight Confused with the very being inside. Chosing what to do and what to decide. Break me free of my responcibility take me away so I can be free. Alone I shake,My body aches Wishing to go where the place is so nice. A wonderisnt sight to behold. A time to retired to grow old. No regrets no indesions I wish I was like the way I was in the begining. Being told what is right and wrong. Betray my heart once again? Try to go into the trouble and pray for the best? If I don't act now,Ill never be able to rest. Fool me once shame on you.....Fool me twice shame on me..... |
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| © Copyright 2003 Julie O'Neill - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Sparticus Member
since 2003-11-15
Posts 245 |
On your spelling...I know of folks with severe spelling problems that use spell checker in word or in email programs like Outlook or Outlook express. Even I use that as I am not the greatest speller in the world, either. The message is very well done and understandable, I would like to see more original images and metaphors. For instance, we hear over and over about the night as being pitch black. I heard a song that had, the bible black darkness before the dawn. That is an original image by that song writer. Good effort and good structure. Sparticus |
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passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
we all know of this struggle good write |
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Foxyoasis Senior Member
since 2003-06-10
Posts 974Atlantic Beach,Fla |
so you are saying I need more mediphores? It was editied yet. It was just a rough copy when i save it into my book,I always spell check. Thanks for the comments. Fool me once shame on you.....Fool me twice shame on me..... |
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