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Open Poetry #29
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Tomas'
| Open Poetry #29 |
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Tomas' |
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littlewing Member Rara Avis
since 2003-03-02
Posts 9655New York 
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Stumbling upon the house now Wide-eyed and eleven years I knew then in this hour of darkness we were intruding I knew him as Tony, eight years old(er), he was not of the religious persuasion, but bore a cross of gold There were four of us and him Black steeltoe boots, army jacket (probably stolen from a blind man) He didn't so much lead the way as led I wanted to flee, entering this "dwelling" Yet I stood - Wide-eyed and eleven years I knew then I did not need to speak the copper did it for me One . . two . . three . . . steps sullied walls, handprints Dried maroon marked the way to this absurd rite of passage Lying, dead upon the landing shards of glass, gleaming drips of lipstick candy coated blood lying, breathless Someone was having a nightcap in the ER I had hoped Four, five, six . . . (how many more stairs must I climb?) A canvas, unfinished, marked the wall leaning human form from struggle of pursuit I then understood the broken window "Sssshhh . . .", he whispered and kept right on walking I wanted to go , I did to see what was lying in the room to the right at the top of that staircase at the end of the hall But he kept me there, in wait of? (Clomp.....Stop!) Boots on warped wood hollow break of silence A creak of bone from neck, craned sooo slowly . . . That window, broken kept me sane Midnight light filtered his black afro peering into that doorway then back out, like quick rush of stale breath The descent was quicker than the journey to One call on the payphone One call . . . and slumped still to the right The last room upstairs I knew, Oh how I saw lying, blue and cold the "subject" of this lesson I walked away in silence [This message has been edited by littlewing (11-04-2003 09:21 AM).] |
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| © Copyright 2003 Sue Eckam - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Seymour Tabin Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720Tamarac Fla |
littlewing Unto the writer lays the fold, enjoyed. |
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Ericc Member Elite
since 2003-01-31
Posts 4178 |
Wow...you tell quite a story in such poetic terms. Wonderful! Eric |
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Greeneyes  
since 2000-09-09
Posts 9903In Your Poetic Mind |
You are amazing....and these words are proof....touch and emotional ... hugsssss Lauren~ i carry your heart with me |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
There are several ways to read this, and if I come back and read it a fourth time, I shall probably find even more. |
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Dark Angel Member Patricius
since 1999-08-04
Posts 10095 |
Yep, I'm with Karilea... Great work Sue  fate is not just |
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Aenimal Member Rara Avis
since 2002-11-18
Posts 7350the ass-end of space |
like a raw wound |
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
Hi Sue...I've been reading your poetry in here quite a bit lately and I think this is one of the best poems you've written. My one suggestion, long poems can meander at the best of times. Perhaps an objective edit could tighten up just a few stray lines...~smile~  K |
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Mistletoe Angel
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816Portland, Oregon |
  (big hugggssssssss) Oh Sue, this is powerful, dearest friend, this is now one of my favorites of yours as I can only imagine having your heart race going up those hospital stairs in the blue midnight floodlight and finding someone breathing half-speed! (sad sigh) God Bless You, sweet friend, you deeply touched my heart here, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Sue, thank you for sharing!  May love and light always shine upon you! Love, Noah Eaton I don't need no proof when it comes to God and truth |
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Enchantress Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113Canada eh. |
Wow!! Excellent Sue.. You took me right there! Hugs~ ~Time has cast a spell on you, |
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vandana
since 1999-10-22
Posts 10463USA |
nice |
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Kahlil Senior Member
since 2003-04-12
Posts 1881 |
Sue, great writing, that makes me feel for you, for this memory. ~K~ |
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Ratleader
since 2003-01-23
Posts 7026Visiting Earth on a Guest Pass |
Wow. Just wow. A stunning piece of poetry! ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº> ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº> ~~(¸¸ ¸¸ºº> ~~~(¸¸ER¸¸ºº> |
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PouringJewels Member
since 2003-09-18
Posts 158Maryland |
You are quite the intense one. |
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inkedgoddess Member Rara Avis
since 2002-11-19
Posts 7392Ohio |
sounds like a fun expedition, id rather not take tho ll was discovery, hold the dead bodies tho.....brrrrr......lol very poe like , spooooookkkkyyyyyyyy |
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ice Member Elite
since 2003-05-17
Posts 3404Pennsylvania |
Little wing I am intigued by this poem, but puzzled also. Perhaps I am looking too close, when I search what seems to be its metaphor's? But, (I am guessing here) is this poem about being sexualy abused by someone, or perhaps being raped? If you care not to comment, I understand...Maybe I should just enjoy the flow of words and be happy with your talent, but I am a curious being and look deeper than the surface that shows in much poetry. >>>>ice/ford<<<< |
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suthern
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723Louisiana |
When a chill courses down my backbone as I read, I know I've found excellence... wow! |
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mysticpoe Senior Member
since 2003-02-28
Posts 883 |
lw, your style is blossoming. real nice write. poe If nothing is something |
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garysgirl
since 2002-09-29
Posts 19237Florida, USA |
Whew, LittleOne....I was right there walking those stairs with you..... and I do feel the cold chills..... Excellent writing, Suzie. Hey, I like the new picture, too. Hugs  Ethel |
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
Sue....the images in this are so close to the emotion that I just FELT the poem on a very elemantal level. So well done! |
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wranx Member Elite
since 2002-06-07
Posts 3689Moved from a shack to a barn |
So? You can't tell of your experiences in a poem, eh? I beg to differ...This is proof. And what an experience! *whew*  Love ya Susie! "In looking Northward, I see a light" |
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littlewing Member Rara Avis
since 2003-03-02
Posts 9655New York |
Sy from the master storyteller himself, I thank you Thank you so much Eric aww Lauren, My God thank you so much Karilea, yep there sure is . . . just take from it what you will thank you Thank you Maree . . coming from you that means a lot to me Man Raph yep, you know, you do you do thank you Hey Kamla , please feel free to fix it , please . . this is the first narratiove type write I have ever done and ummm Ed had to help me with it *smile* thank you so much for reading and what an amazing reply I am astounded! thank you Thank you Noah, yes well I would have rather NOT have been on those stairs at all Thank you Nancy great! a favor returned *smile* Thank you so much V! Hey Kahlil . . thank you . . it is ok just a past event Hey Ed? THAT compliment really made me smile thank you Julia? it is all your brother's fault *smile* thank you intense? hmmm thank you again Very spooky Michele My God I had nearly forgotten about it thank you ice , wow you are like me , see into a whole lot deeper but no, this is simply a story of when I was small and my sister's boyfriend took me along with him an my friend to these abandoned houses his Father owned. He wanted us to look inside to see if anyone had been living there . . . so we did and THIS is what we found, or HE found but thank you for looking deeper Hey suthern My God thank you so much sorry for the chill Hey poe . . so is yours *smile* thank you Thank you Ethel, sorry didnt mean to scare you and thank you about the picture Ed took it *smile* Oh My now I am truly impressed Martie what an amazing thing to say to me from someone with as much depth as yourself thank you Love you too Eddie thank you for allowing me toe expel this too and for helping with my editing *smile thank s guys xxoo |
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LeeJ Member Patricius
since 2003-06-19
Posts 13296 |
wow, what a terrific read and write this was...very much enjoyed! |
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Toerag Member Ascendant
since 1999-07-29
Posts 5622Ala bam a |
Wonderful read young lady.... |
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KristieSue
since 2003-01-31
Posts 1460PA, US |
that was excellent, wonderful, superb, extraordinary...could go on, but I think you get the hint :-) Do songs on the radio sing to all the fools in love? |
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Brad Majors
since 2001-04-03
Posts 2647Georgia |
well done |
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littlewing Member Rara Avis
since 2003-03-02
Posts 9655New York |
Thank you Lee, coming from you that means a lot Thanks Toe . . . *smile* Hey Kristie, thank you so much yes, I do *smile* Thank you Brad Thanks guys xxoo |
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