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Open Poetry #29
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As ink under skin
| Open Poetry #29 |
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As ink under skin |
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Duncan Member Ascendant
since 2001-08-07
Posts 5455 |
Wake with me into cool curtained dawn as I affect sleep awhile longer drifting in hush of your breath coming easily against me whisper then anything at all so I will remember as ink under skin when you’re gone and I attempt to soothe the burn |
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| © Copyright 2003 Duncan - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Enchantress Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113Canada eh. |
Damn! ...just damn.  ~Time has cast a spell on you, |
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Wind
since 2002-10-12
Posts 2981 |
eekk....I want to keep it. does it bite? my library is full of drugs anyways... What about China? Have you seen the Great Wall? |
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Susan Caldwell Member Rara Avis
since 2002-12-27
Posts 8348Florida |
"drifting in hush of your breath coming easily against me" hmmmmmm...such a sweet thought... Is it an invitation? "if you won't let me fall for you |
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Duncan Member Ascendant
since 2001-08-07
Posts 5455 |
It is...  |
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Seymour Tabin Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720Tamarac Fla |
Duncan A soft whisper if I ever heard one.  |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
You old possum, you... this is wonderful. Ok, so where's the line for writing lessons? |
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Greeneyes 
since 2000-09-09
Posts 9903In Your Poetic Mind |
Amazing Sir....I love that last line too.... Lauren~ i carry your heart with me |
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Midnitesun
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647Gaia |
need some vitamin E? LOL never mind |
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garysgirl
since 2002-09-29
Posts 19237Florida, USA |
whisper then anything at all so I will remember as ink under skin when you’re gone Yep, you porch puppy you.... those love whispers are something to remember, aren't they?? Yep, I knw this....  Hugs  Ethel |
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SmartChick Member Rara Avis
since 2001-09-23
Posts 7081On A Journey To The Unknown |
Wow! |
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passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
 yeah...this one got me good |
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
I've sworn to myself not to critique in Open, for the time being. This almost made me break my promise...but, since I wouldn't have suggested much anyway - I'll just say I like it, Mr D.  K |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
Wake with me into cool curtained dawn as I affect sleep awhile longer drifting in hush of your breath coming easily against me ====================== so I will remember as ink under skin when you’re gone ========================= reread your last line ... now, tell me again its not a moth anthem  yayayaya Ok...seriously ... I love the mood and scene you created with that opening verse...laying in bed with a breeze coming in. very nice.... (the dawn part---that was poetic license right?) lmao hehehe  (sorry me late sleeping porch puppy, but it was just too easy) lol ahem-- anyway... I also love the subtle sensual intensity you create with the second verse... and this line... "as ink under skin" oh yeah--that is a IWIHWT kinda line.. as always you do so much more with less, and turn in a tight, succinct poem of intensity and impact...and as always heart on sleeve always looks good on your pen Dunc. A lovely poetic invitation groovy poet pup. OH and............... ..... ..... ..... ..... ..... ya didnt think I missed the LITTERBATIONS in the first & third verses did ya??!!!!!! HA...Tigerboyyeee influence is wearing ya down hahaha wooo hooo lmao  Words break into splinters on the pages I write |
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Susan Caldwell Member Rara Avis
since 2002-12-27
Posts 8348Florida |
Let me wake you with the cool contentment of the breath from my sigh Let it whisper past your lips and seep into your skin Hear your name with the feel of my fingertip And remember nothing but us and this moment _____________________________  |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
Woooo Hooo... Susan litterbated too... the moth is giddy  LOL( very lovely poetic reply poetess-girlie)  Words break into splinters on the pages I write |
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Susan Caldwell Member Rara Avis
since 2002-12-27
Posts 8348Florida |
JM~ That "litterbation" was just for you! "if you won't let me fall for you |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
Thank you girlie!!! See DUNC... all the moths love litterbations... ya just cant deny me my tigerboyeee poetry. heh (some porch puppies take longer to housebreak) lmao |
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SEA
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676with you |
just...*SIGH* |
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littlewing Member Rara Avis
since 2003-03-02
Posts 9655New York |
Dunc: OMG this is so passionate and beautiful goodness beautiful writing xxoo |
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Duncan Member Ascendant
since 2001-08-07
Posts 5455 |
Hey Hey Hey!!!! That's enough litterbating in my thread!! Geez...get you started with that Tigerboy stuff and ya don't know when to stop, do ya? Now ya got Susan doing it. I'm gonna start a petition to get rid of that silly dancin' thing. Or maybe we could have the first and last annual Kitty Shoot-off, ya think? Yeah, that's a great idea. Going to sell tickets........ Thank you everyone for your time and responses. I loved writing it. Can't ask for much more than that, huh? "I’m here without you baby but your still on my lonely mind |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Don't you dare be shooting the kitties!!!! |
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Marge Tindal
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384Florida's Foreverly Shores |
Duncan~ Most enjoyable read~ *Huglets* ~*Marge*~ ~*When the heart grieves over what it has lost, |
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