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Open Poetry #29
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iwannarime22
Junior Member
since 2003-10-25
Posts 19
Rogers, Arkansas

0 posted 2003-11-01 10:22 PM


nothing in life ever works out  
u can try everything and it just doenst
your parents will split up
or someone will betray you
i wish that no one would have to feel the pain and suffering i feel rite now and have for the past year
i want happiness and that will never happen
and that scares me becuz we/i will alwayz live in a world of hatred and fear of wat tomarrow will bring.  

© Copyright 2003 Kim Pockat - All Rights Reserved
EvocativeVerse2
Senior Member
since 2003-09-10
Posts 1279

1 posted 2003-11-01 11:56 PM


Hi iwannarime22. Sounds like you are having a tough time of things. Sorry to hear that. I wish I could tell you it will all get better...but sometimes it takes time. Best we can do is hang in there and let our feelings pour out into our writing. Don't give up...you are amongst friends here.

Remember, if you're not part of the future, you're history!

Pilgrimage
Member Elite
since 2001-12-04
Posts 3945
Texas, USA
2 posted 2003-11-02 12:11 PM


Hi, I'm sorry to hear things aren't going well.  That doesn't mean happiness can't come to you. We have to make it for ourselves, others don't hand it to us.  About the structure of the poem-the last word in the second line should be 'doesn't'.  I know it's just a typo, but a typo distracts from the impact of your poem.  I think it would be more effective if you had a stanza break between Lines 4 and 5. And I think lines 5 and 7 could use line breaks inside them.  Also in the last line it should be 'tomorrow'. Your other spelling stuff is obviously intentional and doesn't detract from the poem for me. Instead, it gives the whole thing an air of being verbal instead of written, which I like.

Nan (Pilgrim variety)

EagleScorpion
Senior Member
since 2000-03-08
Posts 1644
Here, Now, Forever
3 posted 2003-11-12 10:16 PM


Kim,

welcome to passions..

thanks for replying to my "I was wearing a toga" poem..

Kim hang in there, babe. Something good will happen! I'm gonna read all your poems now

Mistletoe Angel
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Empyrean
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816
Portland, Oregon
4 posted 2003-11-12 10:25 PM




(big hugggsssssss) Oh Kim, this is so sad but true, sweet friend, there is much too hatred in this world, especially of our higher powers in the world, and fear can't diminish until it is all shown to God, as that is where fear isn't a venial sin! (sad sigh) God Bless You, sweet friend, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet friend, thank you for sharing!



May love and light always shine upon you!

Love,
Noah Eaton

I don't need no proof when it comes to God and truth
I can see the sun set and I perceive

***Live***

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