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Open Poetry #29
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serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738


0 posted 2003-10-15 12:01 PM


"Here"
an index finger pressed
lightly sounding Middle C
timid
hands in ache of next
pretense
of some poetry
cock my head and tilt the ear
a cigarette
on bottom lip
as if I were an old black man
pain bled from the sag of me

sustain
I reach dramatically
for the glass in lay of ring
on the maple finished wood
as the chill drops sweat upon
fingerstaining ivory.


"Oh-I-wish-that-you-were-here--"


then the ashes fell.



[This message has been edited by serenity blaze (10-15-2003 03:31 AM).]

© Copyright 2003 serenity blaze - All Rights Reserved
icebox
Member Elite
since 2003-05-03
Posts 4383
in the shadows
1 posted 2003-10-15 12:21 PM


Well, yeah.  You've gotta suffer to sing the blues.

Great imagery!  Really great.

Thank you for sharing.  This is the last one I read tonight, the one I take to bed with me.  Thanks.

QjQ
Member Elite
since 2003-04-18
Posts 3756
U.S.A.
2 posted 2003-10-15 12:56 PM


enjoyed your write  n  read,,,

                                                                                   

Susan Caldwell
Member Rara Avis
since 2002-12-27
Posts 8348
Florida
3 posted 2003-10-15 09:40 AM


This one..I understand..


Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354
Listening to every heart
4 posted 2003-10-15 09:43 AM



Now...this one needed me to read it today...
Thank you, Serenity...
from one heart to another,
especially for the middle C

Paula Finn
Member Ascendant
since 2000-06-17
Posts 5546
missouri
5 posted 2003-10-15 09:56 AM


beautiful song here sweet thing
vandana
Deputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Patricius
since 1999-10-22
Posts 10463
USA
6 posted 2003-10-15 09:57 AM


nice
jellybeans
Member Elite
since 2000-10-13
Posts 2298

7 posted 2003-10-15 02:49 PM


well if you gotta suffer to sing the blues, then we should form a duo.....nice work on this one lady....I felt it in my middle
littlewing
Member Rara Avis
since 2003-03-02
Posts 9655
New York
8 posted 2003-10-15 02:53 PM


K - you know I saw this,
(you knew that though)
you sitting . . lips clenched
on smoke . . .
fingers tapping keys . . .
ohh so lightly though . . .

pain bled from the sag of me

(God how do you do this?)

and as the ashes fell . . .
I heard a sighhhhhhhhhhh

*smile*

xxoo  

[This message has been edited by littlewing (10-15-2003 02:54 PM).]

Sudhir Iyer
Member Ascendant
since 2000-04-26
Posts 6943
Mumbai, India : now in Belgium
9 posted 2003-10-15 03:02 PM


there you are in the spotlight
again,
sparkling images
in the insides of the head
and each one of them
looking great ...

love Pink Floyd,
love your reference to the song,
love the way this poem is worded...

have always loved reading you...

thank you

regards
sudhir

Sudhir Iyer
Member Ascendant
since 2000-04-26
Posts 6943
Mumbai, India : now in Belgium
10 posted 2003-10-15 03:04 PM


now you just led me to listen to the song... AGAIN...
Sadelite
Member Elite
since 2003-10-11
Posts 2519

11 posted 2003-10-15 03:06 PM


   It sounds like we both try to use music to soothe the soul!  Kinda on the same subject, but with a different take, you might like to read my second posting called "Beware the Metronome." I'm going to post it now.  (I try to write down what I hear in my head and sometimes I have to use a little help from my friend, the metronome. I'm kind of scared to post it, because the title is so blah...)
    Keep on tapping those keys.


Enchantress
Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113
Canada eh.
12 posted 2003-10-15 03:33 PM


You sure can sing the blues lady...
Love this...light the lights!
~Hugs~

~Autumn, the year's last, loveliest smile~

allamericanjoe
Member
since 2003-10-02
Posts 116
Iredell county, NC
13 posted 2003-10-15 03:38 PM


I love this, artful imagery of another art.  Well written, very much enjoyed!
JD

"The secret of life is enjoying the passage of time"  ~James taylor~

Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049
California
14 posted 2003-10-15 07:03 PM


serenity...loved the build up of feeling through the imagery, and then the last..and perfect ending.  Fabulous!
vlraynes
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-25
Posts 8229
Somewhere... out there...
15 posted 2003-10-19 04:03 AM



""Here"
an index finger pressed
lightly sounding Middle C
timid
hands in ache of next
pretense
of some poetry
cock my head and tilt the ear
a cigarette
on bottom lip
as if I were an old black man
pain bled from the sag of me"


Gawd...Karen?...no one pens a picture
quite like you...NO ONE...

This just comes alive...
with the life that is YOU

Love you, lady...

When the power of love overcomes the
love of power the world will know peace.
-Jimi Hendrix

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738

16 posted 2003-10-19 05:03 PM


Thanks all, so very much.

And yanno? It occurs to me that I really should quit dropping ashes on my keys...

frown.

I should go clean that, huh?

Love to all.

Thanks again.

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