navwin » Archives » Open Poetry #29 » pathology of pathetic
Open Poetry #29
Post A Reply Post New Topic pathology of pathetic Go to Previous / Newer Topic Back to Topic List Go to Next / Older Topic
pandonov
Member
since 2003-10-03
Posts 478
b/w conscience and insolence

0 posted 2003-10-14 05:03 AM


fated.
ethereality of your gaze, i remember.
stare, tunneled through my hollow.
and the flower that you were, a predator...
you told me, yet i pretended ephemeral.

from my time to your effigy, i saw it short.
not a circle paved with my sane, i'm sane-less
now, not to share anymore.

stoned mind invited realities. i built my own,
for the price of few hours. music or madness,
feeling waveless, and
the "Gigolo Aunt" is in my ears, climbing up.

the bite you did, i know you took a piece
and the hole,
i hide behind thoughts.


[This message has been edited by pandonov (10-14-2003 01:33 PM).]

© Copyright 2003 petre h andonov - All Rights Reserved
Aenimal
Member Rara Avis
since 2002-11-18
Posts 7350
the ass-end of space
1 posted 2003-10-14 07:38 AM


I like this though I would suggest you tighten it a bit it sometimes fades into a ramble..although, maybe that's why i like it, a raw honest release..hmmm I dunno quite frankly i'm out of my mind at the moment so...
Cpat Hair
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Patricius
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793

2 posted 2003-10-14 09:24 AM


(chuckling).. well.. I'll not hit you..
but will offer that if tightened a bit and sharpened on the imagery level, this could be very good.. as it is..as Raph offered it gets lost a bit in the ramble...

now... off to see what else you have offered out for the world to see.

Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla
3 posted 2003-10-14 09:33 AM


pandonov
Agree with the above.

pandonov
Member
since 2003-10-03
Posts 478
b/w conscience and insolence
4 posted 2003-10-14 01:14 PM


thx all, i know it sux, for i was just a spectator, when wasted mind wrote it

Post A Reply Post New Topic ⇧ top of page ⇧ Go to Previous / Newer Topic Back to Topic List Go to Next / Older Topic
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.
navwin » Archives » Open Poetry #29 » pathology of pathetic

Passions in Poetry | pipTalk Home Page | Main Poetry Forums | 100 Best Poems

How to Join | Member's Area / Help | Private Library | Search | Contact Us | Login
Discussion | Tech Talk | Archives | Sanctuary