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inkedgoddess
Member Rara Avis

since 2002-11-19

Posts 7392
Ohio

0 posted 2003-10-12 09:07 PM

They dawdle by her feet for now;
the falling rain forms mudpies
the sun a kiln to bake the prints
engraved below her watchful eye,
and soon the wind will shoo them off
and in such parting between
mother and child,
I cant help to wonder,
if they ever find eachother
on one of the many
trips back around.

[This message has been edited by inkedgoddess (10-13-2003 06:43 AM).]

PsychoticBunni
Member

since 2003-10-03

Posts 162
Mythical Atlantis

1 posted 2003-10-12 09:09 PM

wow. the symbolism is great here. i feel so lost when i read this. so sad. luckily my mom is sitting right behind me reading a trashy love novel so i feel safer. sort of.

Meg

Meg- And the Texan pushed the Mexican out of the plane and screamed, "Long live the ALAMO!!!!!!!!!"

Local Parasite

Member Elite

since 2001-11-05

Posts 2527
Transylconia, Winnipeg

2 posted 2003-10-12 09:32 PM

I also love the symbolism... and the remarkable sense of time. I love how you compacted so much time into so few lines, and you did it in such a subtle and graceful way that it didn't seem stammered or anything like that... I think the symbols helped, because they allowed you to describe a more gradual transition than a literal description of a mother and daughter would allow for.

Very nice writing...

Parasite

Faith is a fine invention
When gentlemen can see
But microscopes are prudent
In an emergency.
~~~Emily Dickinson

Bonnie j
Senior Member

since 2003-06-27

Posts 1588
Ohio

3 posted 2003-10-12 09:44 PM

I know you have a different meaning then my reply, but here I go.
When I read the title mudpies, the first thought that came to mind was of my son when he was little. He loved playing in the mud and dirt. As a little one he made me a cup and an ashtray made of mud. We dried and then we painted them in bright colors and I still have them tucked away in my box of precious treasures.
Good poem.
See Ya Bon-Bon

Pilgrimage
Member Elite

since 2001-12-04

Posts 3945
Texas, USA

4 posted 2003-10-12 10:09 PM

The parting between mother and child--well done.

Nan (Pilgrim variety)

bklynboy
Senior Member

since 2002-12-15

Posts 660
florida

5 posted 2003-10-14 07:26 AM

Nice poem about leaves....I get the symbolism. Knowing your style I was fooled at first but after rereading it the wind gave it away. Well done, another thinker!

Aenimal
Member Rara Avis

since 2002-11-18

Posts 7350
the ass-end of space

6 posted 2003-10-14 07:30 AM

I think this is my favourite of yours along with..well everything you've ever written

Sudhir Iyer
Member Ascendant

since 2000-04-26

Posts 6943
Mumbai, India : now in Belgium

7 posted 2003-10-14 08:16 AM

leaves from trees
fall separated
child from mother
walks away in steps

footprints are then baked
like mudpies on leaves

well... muchly enjoyed this one...

regards
sudhir

[This message has been edited by Sudhir Iyer (10-14-2003 08:16 AM).]

Marge Tindal

Member Empyrean

since 1999-11-06

Posts 42384
Florida's Foreverly Shores

8 posted 2003-10-14 09:39 AM

Again and again you pen excellence~
*Huglets*
~*Marge*~

~*When the heart grieves over what it has lost,
the spirit rejoices over what it has left.
- Sufi epigram
noles1@totcon.com

Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean

since 1999-07-07

Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla

9 posted 2003-10-14 09:42 AM

inkedgoddess
I would hope so. Enjoyed

vandana

Member Patricius

since 1999-10-22

Posts 10463
USA

10 posted 2003-10-14 10:01 AM

enjoy your read

littlewing
Member Rara Avis

since 2003-03-02

Posts 9655
New York

11 posted 2003-10-14 10:51 PM

Michele?

Goddd this is . . .
sighhhh
a nightmare actually
beautiful writing
always is
xxoo

vlraynes
Member Rara Avis

since 2000-07-25

Posts 8229
Somewhere... out there...

12 posted 2003-10-19 04:31 AM

Michele?...this touches, my friend...

Hugs to you...
When the power of love overcomes the
love of power the world will know peace.
-Jimi Hendrix

passing shadows
Member Empyrean

since 1999-08-26

Posts 45577
displaced

13 posted 2003-10-19 04:39 AM

wow

James_A_Fraser
Senior Member

since 2003-09-03

Posts 972
Out Making Anticlines

14 posted 2003-10-19 10:39 AM

No need to wonder. They do.

A pretty little poem -- you made mud into something beautiful!

~~J

LeeJ
Member Patricius

since 2003-06-19

Posts 13296

15 posted 2003-10-19 11:40 AM

a very beautifully written story, excellent and precisely what life is....there are times when we must let go...and that's what touched my mind, while reading this. We must allow others their happiness, their time...their very significant quality time.

Thank you for sharing

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