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Open Poetry #29
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iwontdrownagain
Junior Member
since 2003-10-04
Posts 39
Massachusetts

0 posted 2003-10-10 06:26 PM


Here is a poem. I would appreciate any criticism you have. I do have a website of some of my earlier poetry. It's from the first half of the year and I lost the password for the site, so I can't change it yet. But I will try to get it to add more. Or I could make another site.... http://nightpoetry.topcities.com/mainpage.html
Sign the Guest Book (please)!

If I Seem

If I seem far away, don’t mind me.
If I seem in a dream don’t wake me.
I have found true love once and for all.
So if I fall in love, have my love catch me.
If I seem to be so out of my mind
If I seem to see nothing, as I’m blind
Don’t try to get me to a doctor,
Don’t try to make me really see.
It’s not what you see everyday
But what I see that matters.
I love him, for who he is,
He is my one and only,
The one that can make it
All worth my while.
If I seem to not listen, don’t speak louder
If I seem to feel nothing, don’t pinch me.
It’s not that I feel nothing, but that I
Feel everything I have ever dreamed.
If I seem as a schoolgirl, don’t treat me as one.
If I seem to speak in a new tongue, know its love.
It’s not that unusual to see this sort of thing.
It’s not just we who are participating.
It’s more that just our passion,
It’ s our love and our craze for one another.
If I seem to be in my own world, don’t take over,
If I seem a little bit off my mark, don’t center me,
I’m living for my one reason and one reason only.
Just don’t salvage my heart from him,
He can have it, since he has won it.
He deserves it, for he has earned my heart
And has won it over like no one else ever has.
I love him with all my being
And all that I will ever need
Are he and his love and guidance.
I love him more than life itself,
If I seem to be out of place, don’t move me.
If I seem to think more of love, don’t change my mind.
I love him.
And he loves me.
That’s all there is to our love.

© Copyright 2003 Lynn Moynahan - All Rights Reserved
nakdthoughts
Member Laureate
since 2000-10-29
Posts 19200
Between the Lines
1 posted 2003-10-10 06:29 PM


I hope you don't mind Lynn, I borrowed your name for my title..it seemed to fit my mood perfectly

*s

M

nakdthoughts
Member Laureate
since 2000-10-29
Posts 19200
Between the Lines
2 posted 2003-10-10 06:32 PM


So if I fall in love, have my love catch me

It’s not that I feel nothing, but that I
Feel everything I have ever dreamed.

If I seem a little bit off my mark, don’t center me,

some beautiful lines Lynn... I am not good at critiquing so I will leave that to others.

M

iwontdrownagain
Junior Member
since 2003-10-04
Posts 39
Massachusetts
3 posted 2003-10-10 06:37 PM


It's quite alright to use my name for your poem title.. I'll have to check it out. Thanks!
Lynn

"The green of your eyes
That you get from your father
Shows your personality,
Such a young girl with an equally
Young and foolish heart."
~Lynn M

Midnitesun
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Empyrean
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647
Gaia
4 posted 2003-10-10 10:02 PM


quote:
If I seem to not listen, don’t speak louder
If I seem to feel nothing, don’t pinch me.
It’s not that I feel nothing, but that I
Feel everything I have ever dreamed.


spoken like a soul in love
enjoyed the write very much HELLO

[This message has been edited by Midnitesun (10-10-2003 10:03 PM).]

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