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Open Poetry #29
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iwontdrownagain
Junior Member
since 2003-10-04
Posts 39
Massachusetts

0 posted 2003-10-04 03:44 PM


Here's a poem that I have recently written. Please feel free to comment and critique. Thanks!

Dead Keepsakes

Hang them from the ceiling
With twine around their necks.
Days go by, the life dripping out of them,
The color draining.
Look what has been done.
But everyone does it
Why put them to waste?
They’re keepsakes,
A reminder of something significant
Or someone significant
In such a useless and forgotten life.
Some parts green, others muddy brown
And the foul stench,
Just the thought is repulsive.
By the six or by the dozen
They’re hung from the ceiling with twine,
Swaying slightly as the wind blows
Through the old and dirty drapes,
Filling the room with old air
Despite the new day.
The years go by and the stench departs slowly
Colors remain the same:
A muddy brown, a swamp green.
Dried and useless.
A memo from a time of hope.
But the future proved the hopeful times
Weren’t as happy as he said they would be.
So to show him the feeling,
Hang them from the ceiling
With twine around their necks.
Then the days go by, the life drips from them
And the color drains.
Why put them to waste?
They’re keepsakes.



© Copyright 2003 Lynn Moynahan - All Rights Reserved
n2dmystic
Member
since 2003-09-27
Posts 253
beyond the doors of perception
1 posted 2003-10-04 03:52 PM


an awesome first post.  a wistful, vivid write. WELCOME!!! to Passions.  May your poems be fruitful as you plant them in our rich soil.  thank you

Peace, Joe
in the big MT
seeking the serendipitous magical mysteries of life's ubiquitous twisteries

Mistletoe Angel
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Empyrean
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816
Portland, Oregon
2 posted 2003-10-04 03:55 PM




(big hugggssssssss) It saddens me to see these kind of punishments still happen and how too many in history have been left to hang like this without ever realizing their guilt or sin as I find that kind of punishment to make others guilty as well! This is a powerful debut, sweet friend, so poignant! Welcoe to Passions, sweet friend, may you be inspired by all of us here as we will all be inspired by your lovely words! I can't wait to read more of your wonderful words, sweet friend, we all love you so much, and be sure to check your E-mail for a very special greeting from all of us here at Passions just for you! You have such a beautiful heart, thank you for sharing!



May love nand light always shine upon you!

Love,
Noah Eaton

I don't need no proof when it comes to God and truth
I can see the sun set and I perceive

***Live***

wayoutwalt
Member Elite
since 1999-06-22
Posts 4870
TEXAS (it's all big)
3 posted 2003-10-04 03:57 PM


i like the way this was weaved. you are welcome here.
iwontdrownagain
Junior Member
since 2003-10-04
Posts 39
Massachusetts
4 posted 2003-10-04 04:03 PM


Hey guys, thank you very much for your welcome.
By the way, I know I should have written this in the post, but this is about roses, not people. I'm sorry that some of you thougt it was about people, I should have made that clear. Many of my friends did, so you're not alone.
Thanks again for your feedback!
Lynn

vlraynes
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-25
Posts 8229
Somewhere... out there...
5 posted 2003-10-04 04:03 PM



iwontdrownagain...
I really enjoyed reading this.
Very nicely penned.

Welcome to Passions.
~Vicky

When the power of love overcomes the
love of power the world will know peace.
-Jimi Hendrix

Mistletoe Angel
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Empyrean
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816
Portland, Oregon
6 posted 2003-10-04 04:06 PM




(sigh) Oh Lynn, I apologize that I took the poem the wrong way, sweet friend, I tend to look at things in an abstract form and I too believe this poem can be interpreted in different ways and that's what makes this first poem so wonderful from you! (hugs) Thank you for letting us know the original meaning, as now that makes sense to me too!



Love,
Noah Eaton

I don't need no proof when it comes to God and truth
I can see the sun set and I perceive

***Live***

iwontdrownagain
Junior Member
since 2003-10-04
Posts 39
Massachusetts
7 posted 2003-10-04 04:10 PM


Noah, don't be sorry. I didn't mean to "fool" any of you. I saw that this poem could be interpreted the way you did after I wrote it, and my creative writing class seemed horrified. But it's alright. I like to know what other people think of my work. I will post again maybe Monday. My work is on a disc at school, and I'm at home. I will post early in the morning. One of my classes is first block and we're in the computer lab, so get ready for another poem (that's not as gory)
Lynn

Enchantress
Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113
Canada eh.
8 posted 2003-10-04 04:12 PM


Welcome to Passions!
I thought it was perhaps flowers you were speaking of..
as I dry flowers all the time from my garden.
Enjoy your stay here at Passions.
I look forward to seeing more of your writing.
~Smiles & Hugs, Nancy~

~Autumn, the year's last, loveliest smile~

vandana
Deputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Patricius
since 1999-10-22
Posts 10463
USA
9 posted 2003-10-04 04:37 PM


welcome to passions looking forward to read more of your poetry thank you for sharing
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