navwin » Archives » Open Poetry #29 » Every single move (duet with bsquirrel)
Open Poetry #29
Post A Reply Post New Topic Every single move (duet with bsquirrel) Go to Previous / Newer Topic Back to Topic List Go to Next / Older Topic
Wind
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2002-10-12
Posts 2981


0 posted 2003-09-29 06:24 PM


I feel your eyes
peeling back my skin
and getting in
to my heart.

From there, right
into the valves,
and from there,
right into the blood.

Your soporific, dazing solution
melts right through my bones.
You are watching me, yes.
And I am left alone.

I like occasional pain,
of pins and needles,
I like to feel lonely
when you're around

air that escapes your lips,
it poisons me,
words die slowly
from my mind

And emptiness
is left behind

I stretch the threads
tighter than canvas
nailed down to wood.

On this blank face,
I craft a surface
to write out lines --

intertwined
with lines
of light --

empty words
filled with words
are what I have to give.

toxic air,
that atmosphere looks down on me with shame,
All tied up
Within my veins

I bleed-
nothing but the earth itself
fresh and cold
it never stops

Rather turn ice to ice
rather than inkblots
turning paper black

but empty thoughts
filled with thoughts
are all I have to take

Will you run with me in the river?
Fast as the silver water?
Crest the moon with me.
Here within this room with me.

Sprawl out on the rocks,
and feel the soothing deep
caress your sopping hair.
Drown within the air.

Each mention of cold riptides
will dull the rushing flow.
Your veins collapsed and still
as water glass, as surface touch.

Down to the river, with me
Down to the deep, rush on.
Swim to where you will be snared.
Together. Find the empty burn

and let it rage its fire in.
Let it call you down from high
and leave you broken in the stream.
Let it break you, sad and clean.

Rush with me to the river.
Sink your face to the floor.
Let small stones make up your sight,
stitched together rivulets.

Clutch one last reminder.
As the shades come down.
Down with me in the river.
Bubbles burst. In writhe and churn.

I would rather drown
in oceans set by you,
put me down, slowly down,
painfully, helplessly pulling down

The earth is but a magnet
and we-
victims of gravity.
My final words,
before the ground closes over us,
are this.

May our minds mistake
the falling soil
as the last memory
of our joined hands.

And the angel said unto me, "These are the cries of the carrots, the cries of the carrots!"
-Tool

© Copyright 2003 Liz - All Rights Reserved
bsquirrel
Deputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855

1 posted 2003-09-29 06:27 PM


Bloody genius.
Wind
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2002-10-12
Posts 2981

2 posted 2003-09-29 06:28 PM


yep...it is. don't mind saying so myself.

te he

And the angel said unto me, "These are the cries of the carrots, the cries of the carrots!"
-Tool

vandana
Deputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Patricius
since 1999-10-22
Posts 10463
USA
3 posted 2003-09-29 07:25 PM


enjoy your read
Duncan
Member Ascendant
since 2001-08-07
Posts 5455

4 posted 2003-09-29 07:36 PM


I was following this over in that "other" thread and I would have to agree...
Ya'll done good for a brat and a rodent.  

"Wind needs a lemon kitten"...came the cries of the carrots.  

Wind
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2002-10-12
Posts 2981

5 posted 2003-09-29 07:48 PM


woah mr sneaky...why didn't you say anything?

(see what I was talking about? I felt him there...watching us. actualy it was you but...oh well)

And the angel said unto me, "These are the cries of the carrots, the cries of the carrots!"
-Tool

Wind
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2002-10-12
Posts 2981

6 posted 2003-09-29 10:03 PM


I seriously can't stop reading this. I know I'm a weirdo but what are ya going to do? ack...

And the angel said unto me, "These are the cries of the carrots, the cries of the carrots!"
-Tool

littlewing
Member Rara Avis
since 2003-03-02
Posts 9655
New York
7 posted 2003-09-30 10:33 AM


Mikey and Liz:

ooh what a nice pairing:

I bleed-
nothing but the earth itself
fresh and cold
it never stops

and this:

Will you run with me in the river?
Fast as the silver water?
Crest the moon with me.
Here within this room with me.

and here:

I would rather drown
in oceans set by you,
put me down, slowly down,
painfully, helplessly pulling down

Damn the whole thing is a masterpiece
Beautiful writing you two
xxoo


Cpat Hair
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Patricius
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793

8 posted 2003-09-30 10:37 AM


(smiling)....

odd isn't it? How at times the words connect themselves and the hearts are shown...

I'll agree with Duncan ( god I hate to admit that) not bad at all for a brat and a rodent..

not bad..heck...it's damned fine...


EvocativeVerse2
Senior Member
since 2003-09-10
Posts 1279

9 posted 2003-09-30 10:45 AM


Very interesting for a brat and a rodent. I like it Wind. Different from most of the stuff I read by you...but still notable.
serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738

10 posted 2003-09-30 10:56 AM



bsquirrel
Deputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855

11 posted 2003-09-30 12:58 PM


Keep it comin.
Wind
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2002-10-12
Posts 2981

12 posted 2003-09-30 03:28 PM


he...my mood is improved.

is this really that different? I suppose because squirrel makes it so much better

And the angel said unto me, "These are the cries of the carrots, the cries of the carrots!"
-Tool

Duncan
Member Ascendant
since 2001-08-07
Posts 5455

13 posted 2003-09-30 10:09 PM


Hey Mike...did she count your lines?  


"Wind needs a lemon kitten"...came the cries of the carrots.  

Kaoru
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2003-06-07
Posts 3892
where the wild flowers grow
14 posted 2003-09-30 11:31 PM


Why did I not respond to this?!

Awesome work, you guys.

Mistletoe Angel
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Empyrean
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816
Portland, Oregon
15 posted 2003-10-01 02:40 AM


"The earth is but a magnet
and we-
victims of gravity.
My final words,
before the ground closes over us,
are this.

May our minds mistake
the falling soil
as the last memory
of our joined hands."




(big hugggssssssss) Oh Liz and Michael, this is wonderful, dearest friends, even from six feet under you can feel the magnetic pull and that is the indication the move has yet to be played! (sigh) God Bless You, sweet friends, this is an epic of a rambler, we all love you so much! You have such beautiful hearts, sweet Liz and Michael, thank you for sharing!



May love and light always shine upon you!

Love,
Noah Eaton


I don't need no proof when it comes to God and truth
I can see the sun set and I perceive

***Live***

[This message has been edited by Mistletoe Angel (10-01-2003 03:10 AM).]

passing shadows
Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577
displaced
16 posted 2003-10-01 03:06 AM


wow!
Charisma
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Ascendant
since 2000-09-30
Posts 5906
lost in blue pages
17 posted 2003-10-01 06:25 AM


I enjoyed your duet very very much...

Charisma

LeeJ
Member Patricius
since 2003-06-19
Posts 13296

18 posted 2003-10-01 06:37 AM


a very lovely write, thank you kindly for sharing
Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354
Listening to every heart
19 posted 2003-10-01 06:40 AM


If I can squeeze in here...
I always enjoy a flowing piece.  I also enjoy staccato...both of which excelled in this duet.  It was also like watching a good game of tennis...with the players on Gatorade.

Well done, to the both of you!

bsquirrel
Deputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855

20 posted 2003-10-01 12:04 PM


Well, Gatorade restores the electrolytes that water doesn't have, and your body NEEDS. At least, according to the advertisments.

Thanks, everyone.

Ceinwyn
Member Elite
since 2000-07-09
Posts 2175
VA
21 posted 2003-10-01 12:50 PM


you got me giggling over here don't ask why...let's all blame it on the lack of sleep and pain killers....yeah....but gawd.. LOVE THIS!

If at first you don't succeed destroy all the evidence that you tried.

[This message has been edited by Ceinwyn (10-01-2003 12:51 PM).]

Nightshade
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Patricius
since 2001-08-31
Posts 13962
just out of reach
22 posted 2003-10-01 02:12 PM


Wow !!
Great write the two of you !!
Enjoyed. Chris

Let your life lightly dance on the edges of Time like dew on the tip of a leaf. -Tagore



    

Wind
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2002-10-12
Posts 2981

23 posted 2003-10-01 03:33 PM


no I did not count his lines duncan.

damn...I would've been fine if he wrote the whole thing himself....

not that I wouldn't have with you but...

this puts me in a strange position

and it's red cool-aid...thats what susan says. we're like kids on red kool-aid.

And the angel said unto me, "These are the cries of the carrots, the cries of the carrots!"
-Tool

Dark Angel
Member Patricius
since 1999-08-04
Posts 10095

24 posted 2003-10-01 05:33 PM


I can't beleive I missed this. Sheeesh. This is bloody fantastic..seriously fantastic I say!

Well Done both of you

Maree.

fate is not just
whose cooking  smells good
but which way the wind blows

(Ani DiFranco)


Post A Reply Post New Topic ⇧ top of page ⇧ Go to Previous / Newer Topic Back to Topic List Go to Next / Older Topic
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.
navwin » Archives » Open Poetry #29 » Every single move (duet with bsquirrel)

Passions in Poetry | pipTalk Home Page | Main Poetry Forums | 100 Best Poems

How to Join | Member's Area / Help | Private Library | Search | Contact Us | Login
Discussion | Tech Talk | Archives | Sanctuary