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nakdthoughts
Member Laureate
since 2000-10-29
Posts 19200
Between the Lines

0 posted 2003-09-27 06:51 PM



Too Selfish

Today brought me closer
to a tomorrow
that I don't wish to see.

I remember years ago
when I would be asked
if she was my mother,
I would  feel a stabbing pain inside
hoping she didn't hear it.

For I always looked younger
than my years, and she always older.

On the poorer side of yesterday,
I showed her a ring I bought to replace
my wedding band,
and asked her what she thought of it.
Of course she thought it
more valuable than it was.

And I smiled,
until I noticed her fingers
were empty of hers.

Just last week she couldn't get them off
from swelling and her medications,
one biting into her skin.
Today she is two pounds lighter,
way too thin.

She mentioned our Mother coming up
within a week or two
for a stay...

My hope is fading
and I am trying so hard
to not let it show.

~~*~~

"Why", you are probably thinking, "am I
posting these feelings...why not
be consoled in real?"

And my response is because
there is no one in real
close to me to share, except for
the one who left me for another,
but feeds off of my existence
and I am too selfish
to let him back in.


M

"Love is not blind - It sees more and not less, but because it sees more, it is willing to see less."
(Will Moss)

© Copyright 2003 Wynter Bliss - All Rights Reserved
littlewing
Member Rara Avis
since 2003-03-02
Posts 9655
New York
1 posted 2003-09-27 06:56 PM


Maureen;

know that you are not alone
this got me me . . .
so much . . .
I know  . . .

I am with you here
all the way
xxoo

SharaRose
Member Elite
since 2003-07-19
Posts 2501
Somewhere out there~
2 posted 2003-09-27 07:01 PM


Sometimes not all things you are going through can you share with family anyway, or even close friends they wouldn't understand the dynamics behind it and why make them feel inadequate? I do understand. I think when people TRULY care they won't see it as selfish, they will see it as an opportunityto reach out to someone. Sending a
God Bless,
SharaRose @-->--

Of sound, and speech let all lift the hearer!

[This message has been edited by SharaRose (09-27-2003 07:02 PM).]

garysgirl
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Member Laureate
since 2002-09-29
Posts 19237
Florida, USA
3 posted 2003-09-27 07:04 PM


Maureen, this sincerely touched my heart.
Sweet lady, I just don't have the words to say...
except that I'm here if you need me.  
Heart hugs  
Ethel

SmartChick
Member Rara Avis
since 2001-09-23
Posts 7081
On A Journey To The Unknown
4 posted 2003-09-27 08:46 PM


Maureen, my friend, I am always there for you. I hope you know that. You know where to find me. Hugs to you.
Saunni
Senior Member
since 2000-07-11
Posts 1777
West Virginia
5 posted 2003-09-27 09:13 PM


You are never alone and can feel free to come to anyone of us at anytime. Sincerely, Sauni.

Sauni:)The Only Time I See The Sun Is When I'm Within That Vanilla Breeze.The Only Time I'm One With The Sun Is When He Shelters Me From The Rain.

Marge Tindal
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384
Florida's Foreverly Shores
6 posted 2003-09-27 09:28 PM


Sweetie~
I'm as real as they come ...
these shoulders have room for a friend ANY TIME~
Love you and praying real big~
*Huglets*
~*Marge*~

~*When the heart grieves over what it has lost,
the spirit rejoices over what it has left.
- Sufi epigram
   noles1@totcon.com     

icebox
Member Elite
since 2003-05-03
Posts 4383
in the shadows
7 posted 2003-09-27 09:53 PM


Selfish is not always bad.  Sometimes though it is the harder road and the one worth taking.

We all wish you well.


JamesMichael
Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336
Kapolei, Hawaii, USA
8 posted 2003-09-28 01:32 AM


I don't know about that...why should you confide in someone close to you if they have proved they can't be trusted...soft thoughts from the heart should be valued...James
passing shadows
Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577
displaced
9 posted 2003-09-28 03:31 AM


I wish I could be there in real
Honeybunch
Member Rara Avis
since 2001-12-29
Posts 7115
South Africa
10 posted 2003-09-28 03:49 AM


One must truly wonder what this life is all about sometimes.  Your words are deeply moving.  Take care.
vlraynes
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-25
Posts 8229
Somewhere... out there...
11 posted 2003-09-28 05:54 AM



Maureen, my friend...your feelings are ALWAYS
welcome here.  The 'real' of my heart is reaching
out to yours.  Please know that I care...truly.

Love and hugs to you,
~Vicky

When the power of love overcomes the
love of power the world will know peace.
-Jimi Hendrix

ethome
Member Patricius
since 2000-05-14
Posts 11858
New Brunswick Canada
12 posted 2003-09-28 06:28 AM


Maureen
One might call that selfish survival.....I didn't quite understand it all but it's a real good read and the depth of your feelings come right out of the words.

Eric

The best teachers have the biggest ears

Bill Charles
Member Patricius
since 2000-07-11
Posts 10619
highways, & byways, for now
13 posted 2003-09-28 09:15 AM


nakdthoughts - your writings are always meaningful. I don't believe you're being selfish...

BC

Aimster
Member Elite
since 2000-02-19
Posts 4297
Charlotte, NC
14 posted 2003-09-28 01:01 PM


M,

this got to me...you are not being selfish,
you are protecting your heart and I don't
blame you...there was such sadness in this.
I am here if you ever want to talk. I know
what you're going through all too well.
take care.
amy

"love is like a butterfly--
if you chase it,
it will surely fly away,instead
hold it close and watch it grow into
something beautiful"
~me~

n2dmystic
Member
since 2003-09-27
Posts 253
beyond the doors of perception
15 posted 2003-09-29 01:37 AM


that was a wonderfully sad, heartwrenching write.  You are not being selfish, you deserve the best that life has to offer.  thank you for sharing yourself

Peace, Joe
in the big MT
seeking the serendipitous magical mysteries of life's ubiquitous twisteries

Mysteria
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Member Laureate
since 2001-03-07
Posts 18328
British Columbia, Canada
16 posted 2003-09-29 10:21 PM


Maureen - I know load and it hurts like hell.  It is wonderful you can share what you are feeling and trust me these compasionate people are very much real.  Your pain will grow, as will the feelings that spill out, and know we are all right here to share the pain with you and try to lighten the load.

Sending understanding, acceptance, strength, endurance, and above all love to hold you two together in this final stage of compassion and love.  Take care of you too.

James_A_Fraser
Senior Member
since 2003-09-03
Posts 972
Out Making Anticlines
17 posted 2003-09-29 10:57 PM


Snif...almost every today can do that. I know it well, but there are a very vew tomorrows that point toward absolute wonder --catch 'em all!



~~J

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