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Open Poetry #29
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Toby
Junior Member
since 2003-09-21
Posts 12
Ohio, United States

0 posted 2003-09-21 11:02 AM


I watch as my old friends come
drifting through the city
as i wonder if they think about me
when i think about them;
sometimes it makes me cry
and other times I laugh
thinking how stupid
I might have been.

I watch them at work
I watch them at stores
I feel like a stalker
But I don't stalk
I wonder if they know i'm around
or if they sense it.

Some days I wish I would die
But I know something good will come out of it
But so far it hasn't.

As days go by,
I feel I'm loosing more friends,
more friends are moving
out state away from me;
It feels like they are trying to get away from me;
It feels as if they don't like me;
I know that's not true
but that's how I feel;

When friends move
It's hard to stay in contact for me;
I try and try
but it's just no use
either they don't call me
or I don't have time.

I wrote this poem on how I feel about my friends and ex-friends. I don't know if this poem is any good or not, I'm not a good poet, and i know that. But i am just starting off, and i dont like to rhyme.

© Copyright 2003 Kevin - All Rights Reserved
Susan Caldwell
Member Rara Avis
since 2002-12-27
Posts 8348
Florida
1 posted 2003-09-21 11:11 AM


Who says you have to rhyme??  

I understand what you are saying.  I moved to a city I love but there are no family nor friends here. (I have been here almost 9 yrs).  I have one female friend (I never made female friends easy) and that is it...

it does get lonely at times.

you wrote of it well.

Susan

littlewing
Member Rara Avis
since 2003-03-02
Posts 9655
New York
2 posted 2003-09-21 11:16 AM


Ok Toby?

I know exactly what you mean and it is a painful and tough transition:

I watch as my old friends come
drifting through the city
as i wonder if they think about me
when i think about them;
sometimes it makes me cry
and other times I laugh
thinking how stupid
I might have been.

yes, me too
xxoo

Ratleader
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Rara Avis
since 2003-01-23
Posts 7026
Visiting Earth on a Guest Pass
3 posted 2003-09-21 11:16 AM


You're not a good poet??? You coulda' fooled me..... this a good piece of work, my friend, very insightful and cleanly written...and I prefer a poem that's written without trying to force rhyme into it just because it's a poem. Keep it up!

~~(¸¸¸¸ºº>   ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº>  ~~(¸¸ ¸¸ºº>    ~~~(¸¸ER¸¸ºº>
______________Ratleader______________

Bonnie j
Senior Member
since 2003-06-27
Posts 1588
Ohio
4 posted 2003-09-21 11:32 AM


I have stayed in one place all my life and have seen my friends move and never hear from them again. But.......Once in a great while all the friends come together to play music and it fills my heart with such joy. It touches my hearts so deeply I feel like crying from the happiness of the smiles and laughter.
Never stop writing and sharing because you have a gift given to you, the gift of words and imagination.
So write on and aim for the stars.
Love and hugs
Bon-Bon


Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla
5 posted 2003-09-21 11:34 AM


Toby
A good write, enjoyed the read.

Mistletoe Angel
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Empyrean
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816
Portland, Oregon
6 posted 2003-09-21 04:35 PM




(big hugggsssssss) God Bless You, sweet friend, I know just how you feel, but I truly believe that overall, your friends are not ignoring you and have not forgotten you, it's just the world keeps turning and nature must take its course by God and so we must keep moving, no matter how unfair that may sound sometimes! (sad sigh) I know for a fact you ARE a GOOD poet, and rhyming or not is not important in poetry, what's important is expressing to your hearts content and being honest and true of all you feel or think, and you have that natural ability! I send angel hugs your way, sweet friend, God Bless You, you have friends, and you have many here too like me who think the most of you, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Toby, thank you for sharing!



May love and light always shine upon you!

Love,
Noah Eaton

I don't need no proof when it comes to God and truth
I can see the sun set and I perceive

***Live***

QjQ
Member Elite
since 2003-04-18
Posts 3756
U.S.A.
7 posted 2003-09-21 05:58 PM


enjoyed the write,,,

                                    

kaile
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Ascendant
since 2000-02-06
Posts 5146
singapore
8 posted 2003-09-22 12:08 PM


well, i think it's a good poem because as you can see from the replies, you have touched a nerve in your readers and isn't that what a good poem is supposed to do?

Some days I wish I would die
But I know something good will come out of it

hang on to that, matey. i believe in these words too even when i feel no one cares about me and i'm all alone and lonely

welcome to passions!

angelblueyes
Member Elite
since 2003-07-19
Posts 2148
Oklahoma
9 posted 2003-09-22 12:14 PM


Welcome to Passions.May you enjoy it here as much as I do.Poetry doesn't have to rhyme.Poetry is any cluster of words that is heartfelt.Just your thoughts and feelings are poetrry in themselves.
Crystal

LeeJ
Member Patricius
since 2003-06-19
Posts 13296

10 posted 2003-09-22 12:18 PM


poetry doesn't have to rhyme, it compliments the mind...and so does everyone in your life, even if you cannot keep contact
Everyone whom you've met, has given to the quality of life, yours! Smiles and hugs

Pilgrimage
Member Elite
since 2001-12-04
Posts 3945
Texas, USA
11 posted 2003-09-22 04:43 PM


I certainly identify with this one. They move away and drop off the face of the earth, it seems.

Nan (Pilgrim variety)

KoKo
Senior Member
since 2003-02-15
Posts 995
Inside the shadow's shadow
12 posted 2003-09-22 05:01 PM


This is very good. Very good. Don't worry about rhyming - it's not necessary. Seems like the only thing you're lacking here is a little dose of confidence

I do not know whether I was then a man dreaming I was a butterfly, or whether I am now a butterfly dreaming I am a man.
--Chang Tzu

Toby
Junior Member
since 2003-09-21
Posts 12
Ohio, United States
13 posted 2003-09-22 10:15 PM


I do have confidence though. It's just sometimes I feel like I don't and I sound like I don't, But I appreciate all the replys and thank you everyone

The Poetry Corner
http://poetrycorner.tycoontown.com/index.php

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