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Paula Finn
Member Ascendant

since 2000-06-17

Posts 5546
missouri

0 posted 2003-09-19 10:01 AM

You died today.
I was sitting at my desk
when we got the news.
To say I was shocked doesn't
lend justice to what I felt.
But I couldn't cry.
I couldn't cry because no one
knew about us,
no one knew we were lovers.
You were married, you see.
Oh I would tell myself over and over
that what we were doing was wrong.
And I'd vow never to see you again,
but there had never been anyone
before you
and how could I live without that?
I couldn't escape the gossip about
your widow, how she wasn't a "real" wife.
Yet she is the one, now, who has the
right to cry, to grieve, to wear black for you
while I have to sit here and pretend you
were nothing more than a collegue, a
sometimes lunch partner.
I remember the times I'd beg you
for something, a t-shirt...anything
of yours, but you would say no
SHE would miss it.
And I sit here, fighting tear I have
no right to shed, remembering how it was
never the right time...the right time to
tell her, to hurt the kids, to risk
the promotion.
Someone say, you knew him didn't you...
and I can honestly say...
...not really.

SharaRose
Member Elite

since 2003-07-19

Posts 2501
Somewhere out there~

1 posted 2003-09-19 10:39 AM

It's sad when they've been a part of doing what's wrong, but yet they weren't there. They don't admit anything, at all. Amazing how they are there but yet they aren't.hmm??
Puzzling isn't it. Ever wonder how we get these apparitions?

SharaRose @-->--

Midnitesun

Member Empyrean

since 2001-05-18

Posts 28647
Gaia

2 posted 2003-09-19 10:46 AM

Oh Paula, how terribly sad!
But I disagree on one point. YOU have as much right to grieve as anyone. You MUST go through all the same stages of grieving, whether or not you ever wore the official ring of connection.
Heart hugs, and wishing you healing thoughts.

Susan Caldwell
Member Rara Avis

since 2002-12-27

Posts 8348
Florida

3 posted 2003-09-19 11:18 AM

This was sad and so enlightening..

Susan

angelblueyes
Member Elite

since 2003-07-19

Posts 2148
Oklahoma

4 posted 2003-09-19 12:54 PM

Paula my heart goes out to you, but I have to agree with Midnitesun.You need tot ake the time and go throught every step of the grieving process.You owe it to yourself sot aht your light may shine again.Sending you healing hugs.

Crystal

James_A_Fraser
Senior Member

since 2003-09-03

Posts 972
Out Making Anticlines

5 posted 2003-09-19 01:42 PM

Oh, the hollow pain of this.... how agonizing!

Mistletoe Angel

Member Empyrean

since 2000-12-17

Posts 32816
Portland, Oregon

6 posted 2003-09-19 02:44 PM

(big hugggssssss) I too feel the heartache in your words and agree with Midnitesun, sweet friend, you have a right to cry as he brought it upon himself and when we see those we love playing a different role, it cannot be anymore humiliating or heartwrenching! (sad sigh) We all send angel hugs your way, sweet friend, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Paula, thank you for sharing!

May love and light always shine upon you!

Love,
Noah Eaton

I don't need no proof when it comes to God and truth
I can see the sun set and I perceive

***Live***

suthern

Member Seraphic

since 1999-07-29

Posts 20723
Louisiana

7 posted 2003-09-19 04:46 PM

You may have to fight the tears back in public to avoid questions and gossip... but the right to grieve is yours also... its the right... and necessity... of every heart that's known love and is hurting from loss.

A powerful write... If this is your truth, you have my heartfelt sympathy... if it's fiction, you have my utmost admiration... you've definitely stirred these heartstrings.

catalinamoon

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-06-03

Posts 9543
The Shores of Alone

8 posted 2003-09-20 05:31 PM

Hi Paula, also from me, if this is true, my sympathy, and you do have a right to grieve. That is the least you can have, after being deprived of so much else.
Either way, excellent write.
Sandra

Paula Finn
Member Ascendant

since 2000-06-17

Posts 5546
missouri

9 posted 2003-09-22 09:47 AM

Thank you all for the sympathy...but really its just a poem come from seeing someone in this situation.

mytuesdaywishes
Member

since 2003-09-05

Posts 254
a voice from the musicbox

10 posted 2003-09-22 07:23 PM

it's amazing how you can write with such honesty and passion. if you write what you feel, you can never go wrong. wonderful story, and you always have the right to cry.

and even when everything was wrong, and we were mad at the world, it was still beautiful.

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