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Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

0 posted 2003-09-16 06:46 AM

One Passion

I took my time to write one fine line
In a form that required thought
Now I hesitate on words
As I place them just so
Watching them recede,
Hearing again…
Through silence
A voice,
Leave.

[This message has been edited by Sunshine (09-16-2003 09:57 AM).]

inkedgoddess
Member Rara Avis

since 2002-11-19

Posts 7392
Ohio

1 posted 2003-09-16 07:09 AM

Hearing again…
A voice,
Leave.

seems like when i dwell on it, it leaves me too fast too,
very creative piece

Nan

Administrator

Member Seraphic

since 1999-05-20

Posts 21191
Cape Cod Massachusetts USA

2 posted 2003-09-16 07:59 AM

... Is that sort of like,

It's going,
Going,
Gone?

Nice job Sunshiny one...

Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean

since 1999-07-07

Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla

3 posted 2003-09-16 08:55 AM

Sunshine
That's like blowing on one of those fuzzy
weeds and making a wish.

Ratleader

Member Rara Avis

since 2003-01-23

Posts 7026
Visiting Earth on a Guest Pass

4 posted 2003-09-16 09:43 AM

Awright, awright, another new form for me to mess around with .......thinking ....thinking....

~~(¸¸¸¸ºº> ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº> ~~(¸¸ ¸¸ºº> ~~~(¸¸ER¸¸ºº>
______________Ratleader______________

Enchantress
Member Empyrean

since 2001-08-14

Posts 35113
Canada eh.

5 posted 2003-09-16 09:49 AM

Still searching for my 'quiet time' so I can learn this form
Very nicely done Karilea.
~Smiles & Hugs, Nancy~

serametheicebound
New Member

since 2003-09-04

Posts 8
South Africa-Free State

6 posted 2003-09-16 09:59 AM

This realy a situation that I come across everytime I write the first line.What I write is not always what I want to write.
Thanx for this piece of expression.

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

7 posted 2003-09-16 09:59 AM

I made an oops. That's what I get for trying to write early in the morning. But my oops is fixed now!

This is a wonderful style of writing. You have to become almost as circumspect with your words as with a haiku or senryu.

Thanks for reading!

kaile

Member Ascendant

since 2000-02-06

Posts 5146
singapore

8 posted 2003-09-20 12:37 PM

i thought this was interesting...

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

9 posted 2003-09-20 12:41 PM

Thank you, Kaile. It IS an interesting, and not an easy, form of poetry. Makes you think!

MorninGlory
Member

since 2003-08-30

Posts 175
Oklahoma

10 posted 2003-09-20 12:49 PM

Oh this would be hard for me, I'm such a wordy person! But I did do a sonnet once, so maybe I could do this.. hmmm.. Can I do this and rhyme too?

Great job, you are so multitalented!

~ becky

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

11 posted 2003-09-20 01:10 PM

Yes, MorninGlory...you can insert rhyme...
In fact, I think vlraynes did it, and quite a good job of it, as well!

Gentle Spirit
Member Patricius

since 2000-10-09

Posts 13989

12 posted 2003-09-20 02:11 PM

Lady I am NOT ready to tackle this form yet...lol...but you do it very well.
Nicely done...

garysgirl

Member Laureate

since 2002-09-29

Posts 19237
Florida, USA

13 posted 2003-09-20 02:52 PM

SunshineyOne, you have this form mastered, for sure.
You know, I think I like this form almost as well as the rictameter.
Don't you? I love the way you and Vicky can write
any form that you choose to do. I wish I could do
that like ya'll do. Very good, Karilea.