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EvocativeVerse2
Senior Member

since 2003-09-10

Posts 1279

0 posted 2003-09-10 02:04 AM

Some child sheds tears in a back alley and
the passerby's, who themselves would not get
entangled; discount the lugubrious
yowl. They turn a tone-deaf ear to the sobs
as they hasten their step, hurrying off
upon matters of utmost singular
importance. The hours pass, and a carmine
sun, the color of ardor, slowly sets
over the western skyline. Exquisite
shades of cerise, salmon, and azure tint
the evening sky so beautifully the
vista seems surrealistic. Quietude
of sorts has fallen over the city,
notwithstanding the truism that it
never really sleeps. Halogen lights push
back the twilight as the motorists plot
their courses home, for it is time to flee
the metropolis and retire to the
safety of suburbia. Upon a
rivulet of light they drift, captains of
their own ships. With practiced ease they steer their
vessels while a friendly voice over the
airwaves keeps them company. Some child cries
in a back alley and the passerby's,
who would not get involved; ignore the sound.
Nightfall comes prematurely within the
canyons of the city. In the vault of
heaven the first stars appear, but only
the biggest and brightest can ever be
seen. This is the downtown after-all and
what need have we for stars when the neon
emeralds, reds, and purples that now glow
upon Main Street bespeak of greater, sweet
delights. The denizens of twilight have
come out to frolic, and it is to the
cabarets, with the exotic dancers
and the immeasurable liquor that
they are drawn as if moths to a flame. Some
youngster dies in a back alley and the
passerby's, who would not get involved; drift
away upon the tides of uncaring.
Why should they concern themselves with what has
transpired, after-all they're not to blame?
Please explain to me why I feel this shame!

QjQ
Member Elite

since 2003-04-18

Posts 3756
U.S.A.

1 posted 2003-09-10 02:23 AM

welcome to PiP,, enjoyed your first write,,

when time permits explore all the other areas of PiP as there are many areas and other forums to post in,, and other info to acquaint you with PiP and make your belonging pleasurable,

JilGirl
Member

since 2003-05-24

Posts 364
Washington

2 posted 2003-09-10 03:13 AM

My gracious, Kevin! What an impressive entrance! WELCOME to PIP!

I enjoyed your colorful. descriptive narrative. SO very true of our world today.

It's not THEIR fault? Perhaps, but when they choose to ignore a need, seeking only their own pleasure, not concerned with becoming involved ~~ it's my own personal belief that these types of people are as guilty as SIN!

Your write clearly depicts your concern.

One suggestion: SPACE! The white space within a write is AS important as the letters and words. Whenever words, sentences, paragraphs run together consecutively it makes for a difficult read. Often the "story" is lost in the maze of words.

Accolades to you for an exceptional write on a touchy subject! You've done well!

'Tiz feathers that make the bird -
Always remember to keep them fluffed
but, never, EVER ruffle them!

garysgirl

Member Laureate

since 2002-09-29

Posts 19237
Florida, USA

3 posted 2003-09-10 03:17 AM

Kevin this is a very touching and heart-felt
first post.
It makes the reader think. Thank you for sharing it with us.

I'd like to welcome you to Passions In Poetry.
I hope that you enjoy it here. And, please check
your e-mail for a special greeting from all of
us here at Passions.
Thanks,
Ethel.....garysgirl
Moderator/Passions In Poetry

Kaoru

Member Elite

since 2003-06-07

Posts 3892
where the wild flowers grow

4 posted 2003-09-10 03:48 AM

Damn.. We've got another great one on our hands, kids.

Welcome to PIP, stunning entrance.

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

5 posted 2003-09-10 06:23 AM

Welcome to Passions, Kevin. I'll bet you'll not only like Open, Corner Pub, and our other forums, but I'll bet we'll soon find you in Prose, too!

Please, check your E-mail for a Special Greeting!

Karilea - if I whisper, will you listen?

Enchantress
Member Empyrean

since 2001-08-14

Posts 35113
Canada eh.

6 posted 2003-09-10 08:50 AM

WELCOME TO PASSIONS!
Much enjoyed your entrance post.
I look forward to seeing more of your work.
~Smiles & Hugs, Nancy~

~ Summer can't be over...
I still have sand in my shoes ~

littlewing
Member Rara Avis

since 2003-03-02

Posts 9655
New York

7 posted 2003-09-10 08:55 AM

Kevin, because you have a heart and a soul and are REAL, that's why.

In the vault of
heaven the first stars appear, but only
the biggest and brightest can ever be
seen.

and you see them quite well
Beautiful entrance and Welcome to PIP!
You already fit nicely
xxoo

EvocativeVerse2
Senior Member

since 2003-09-10

Posts 1279

8 posted 2003-09-10 09:02 AM

Thank-you everyone for the marvelous responses. I am pleased that so many enjoyed this poem written in Blank Verse. I hope I did not mess up the Iambic Pentameter anywhere...if so please forgive me as it was late when I posted this. You all have given me a stunning welcome to this forum and I thank each of you from the bottom of my heart. I look forward to reading more of the work others have written. Sincerely - KRM.

Poet deVine

Administrator

Member Seraphic

since 1999-05-26

Posts 22612
Hurricane Alley

9 posted 2003-09-10 09:50 AM

Welcome to the family. I love thought provoking poetry and this is one of the best I've read. Well done! I look forward to reading more from you.

MorninGlory
Member

since 2003-08-30

Posts 175
Oklahoma

10 posted 2003-09-10 10:33 AM

Very nicely done! Seems we both got here this week, I'm enjoying my stay here.. How about you?

~ becky

EvocativeVerse2
Senior Member

since 2003-09-10

Posts 1279

11 posted 2003-09-10 10:47 AM

I am enjoying this forum too Becky. It is nice to be able to share poetry with others and check up on the responses at another time. I don't get to wander into chat much these days...so this is another way in which I can share my ideas with others. Thank-you for reading my little poem. It's time for bed. Wrap me up in sonnets, tuck me in with rhyme. Night night.

froggy
Senior Member

since 2003-06-23

Posts 1893
Michigan

12 posted 2003-09-10 01:13 PM

Hello my dear friend.
your poetry is wonderful.I remember this one.
You know how to express your words,getting the feeling across.
So glad you'll be posting here for it is a wonderful place to share.
Miss you in chat though.

;-)

Ribbit

Tiersdin
Member Elite

since 2000-11-17

Posts 2364
east coast

13 posted 2003-09-10 05:47 PM

Welcome to passions, Kevin.

I'm looking forward to reading more of your work.

~Tier

Wind

Member Elite

since 2002-10-12

Posts 2981

14 posted 2003-09-10 06:30 PM

this is beautiful and touches the darkness. we need more like this around here- welcome and keep writing.

And the angel said unto me, "These are the cries of the carrots, the cries of the carrots!"
-Tool

Susan Caldwell
Member Rara Avis

since 2002-12-27

Posts 8348
Florida

15 posted 2003-09-10 09:29 PM

Amazing entrance..

Welcome!

Susan

ThisDiamond
Member Rara Avis

since 2002-02-22

Posts 9353
Michigan, USA

16 posted 2003-09-10 09:49 PM

Welcome!
A powerful entrance...
The world has forgotten how to care, and it glares so much that it cannot be ignored.
Look forward to sharing blue with you.
ThisDiamond

angelblueyes
Member Elite

since 2003-07-19

Posts 2148
Oklahoma

17 posted 2003-09-10 10:35 PM

Welcome to Passions.This is an incredible first write.

Crystal

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