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Open Poetry #28
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Pilgrimage
Member Elite
since 2001-12-04
Posts 3945
Texas, USA

0 posted 2003-09-05 03:51 PM



Mud (Spenserian Sonnet in iambic tetrameter)

He rolled and formed, from spit and dust,
his basic sculpture, called it Man.
Now we expect the universe
to bow and dance at our demand.

It’s easy to forget the hands
connecting bone and shaping flesh
in his own image, from the sand,
to share this world in righteousness.

Sometimes I wonder why he blessed
us with his love, and shed his blood.
How easy we forget whose lips
breathed spirit into lifeless mud.

Perhaps divinity can see
some good concealed in you and me.

Nan (Pilgrim variety)

© Copyright 2003 Nancy Wilcox - All Rights Reserved
Kaoru
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Member Elite
since 2003-06-07
Posts 3892
where the wild flowers grow
1 posted 2003-09-05 04:13 PM


This is just amazing work!

I love it.

JilGirl
Member
since 2003-05-24
Posts 364
Washington
2 posted 2003-09-05 04:21 PM


A Spirit write from a spirit
in touch with the Spirit!

There's MUCH good in the
"mud and the breath"!

It's there for those who
seek to see it!

Bravo! And ~ PTL!

'Tiz feathers that make the bird -
Always remember to keep them fluffed
but, never, EVER ruffle them!

Marge Tindal
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Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384
Florida's Foreverly Shores
3 posted 2003-09-05 04:35 PM


Nan~
This is just a splendid penning~

Oh my ... how rich your thoughts~
Stunning my friend~
*Huglets*
~*Marge*~

~*When the heart grieves over what it has lost,
the spirit rejoices over what it has left.
- Sufi epigram
   noles1@totcon.com   

Ratleader
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Member Rara Avis
since 2003-01-23
Posts 7026
Visiting Earth on a Guest Pass
4 posted 2003-09-05 04:35 PM


More! Want more of this Pilgrim!

Always quality when you lift a pen....always something that's not to be missed. I yearn for your consistency, and the consummate skill with which you create rhymed verse.

~~(¸¸¸¸ºº>   ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº>  ~~(¸¸ ¸¸ºº>    ~~~(¸¸ER¸¸ºº>
______________Ratleader______________

SharaRose
Member Elite
since 2003-07-19
Posts 2501
Somewhere out there~
5 posted 2003-09-05 06:13 PM


So true. He sees something we don't all see. I thank God He sees things different than we do, everyday.

SharaRose @-->--

Of sound, and speech let all lift the hearer!

Enchantress
Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113
Canada eh.
6 posted 2003-09-05 06:30 PM


Fantastic write in a difficult form!
Brava!  Love this!
~Smiles & Hugs, Nancy~

      ~ Summer can't be over...
   I still have sand in my shoes ~

Pilgrimage
Member Elite
since 2001-12-04
Posts 3945
Texas, USA
7 posted 2003-09-05 11:17 PM


Thanks, guys, I appreciate it so much when you reply to my stuff.  I'm glad you liked it, it took a lot of work.

Nan (Pilgrim variety)

Local Parasite
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Transylconia, Winnipeg
8 posted 2004-04-29 03:32 PM


This is a cute bit of poetry.  I've always thought it dangerous to mess around with the sonnet's meter length, just because proportion is so important to a sonnet... it's kind of like making a cake with a tablespoon less of every ingredient... you won't end up with less cake but something different entirely...

If that makes any sense at all?  

I guess I say that mostly because I'm on a sonnet binge right now and I can't help reading things with format in mind.

I do love the subject matter of this poem, especially the conclusion that though we are mud, there might be something good inside of us... a little bit of hope against the backing of the preceding few quatrains that make us feel kind of bad about ourselves.  

Yeah, I don't like it either, how people think they're better than their origins...

Take care
Brian

"God becomes as we are that we may be as he is."  ~William Blake

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