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Open Poetry #28
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Jamie
Member Elite
since 2000-06-26
Posts 3168
Blue Heaven

0 posted 2003-09-04 12:02 PM



I know you cried beneath
the blade that cut us apart –
and even before, when you first glimpsed
its cold black edge.
Still, the blood you let
had another hand to quiet its flow,
even as mine continued to pollute
the gulf that was opened between us.

Those who witnessed yesterday’s demise
never saw buried each what if and why,
nor the ashes of slaughtered dreams
sprinkled salt-like into
guilt’s burning open wound.
I have long waited in
the stillness of arrested time,
for any hope of resurrecting
the love that died.

A lengthening shadow covers me
and I feel its darkness slip inside.
I remember when  mornings
offered rest from long nights spent
in search of a few moments sleep,
where I could steal memories
strong enough to hold onto hopes
long ago eclipsed by reality.

In the six years since yesterday
have you once cried for us -
has remorse ever glistened
on your cheeks?
Are  any tears left inside, or have
they long since disappeared?
If just one could fall
from your cheek onto mine,
I would no longer wonder, how
my bloodless heart still beats.


© Copyright 2003 Jamie Patterson - All Rights Reserved
Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049
California
1 posted 2003-09-04 12:30 PM


Jamie

To reply to the emotive power in this is difficult...just know I am deeply touched by your words here.  It is good to see you posting.

JilGirl
Member
since 2003-05-24
Posts 364
Washington
2 posted 2003-09-04 12:31 PM


A heartache magnificently expressed
and very well penned.

Remember, though it's "Six days to yesterday,"
It's also ONE day till tomorrow ~
and life moves on!

Blessings to you!

'Tiz feathers that make the bird -
Always remember to keep them fluffed
but, never, EVER ruffle them!

heartpiper
Member
since 2003-09-02
Posts 57

3 posted 2003-09-04 03:56 AM


In the six years since yesterday
have you once cried for us -
has remorse ever glistened
on your cheeks?
Are  any tears left inside, or have
they long since disappeared?
If just one could fall
from your cheek onto mine,
I would no longer wonder, how
my bloodless heart still beats.

In the six years since yesterday

A touching depiction of how time standstill when they step on our hearts.
has remorse ever glistened on your cheeks

Look at the talented choice of words here, very expressive.

In my opinion, what makes a good poet is his/her ability to utilize the “arsenal” of words in a naturally distinct way to express their “hearts”

Jamie you have succeeded to convey your feelings in a heart-throbbing way.

I admire your poem
I know after the “pain” is gone, good hearts shall find a “twin” who deserves them.

Salute

Iyad

"Hallow the body as a temple to comeliness and sanctify the heart as a sacrifice to love; love recompenses the adorers."
Khalil Gibran


heartpiper
Member
since 2003-09-02
Posts 57

4 posted 2003-09-04 03:57 AM


In the six years since yesterday
have you once cried for us -
has remorse ever glistened
on your cheeks?
Are  any tears left inside, or have
they long since disappeared?
If just one could fall
from your cheek onto mine,
I would no longer wonder, how
my bloodless heart still beats.

In the six years since yesterday

A touching depiction of how time standstill when they step on our hearts.
has remorse ever glistened on your cheeks

Look at the talented choice of words here, very expressive.

In my opinion, what makes a good poet is his/her ability to utilize the “arsenal” of words in a naturally distinct way to express their “hearts”

Jamie you have succeeded to convey your feelings in a heart-throbbing way.

I admire your poem
I know after the “pain” is gone, good hearts shall find a “twin” who deserves them.

Salute

Iyad

"Hallow the body as a temple to comeliness and sanctify the heart as a sacrifice to love; love recompenses the adorers."
Khalil Gibran


Marge Tindal
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384
Florida's Foreverly Shores
5 posted 2003-09-04 09:15 AM


Jamie~
This is a penning that is so achingly lovely~

'I have long waited in
the stillness of arrested time,
for any hope of resurrecting
the love that died.'


How this thought touched a remember~
*Huglets*
~*Marge*~

~*When the heart grieves over what it has lost,
the spirit rejoices over what it has left.
- Sufi epigram
noles1@totcon.com   

Enchantress
Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113
Canada eh.
6 posted 2003-09-04 09:40 AM


God Jamie..this just aches!
Very well worded...reduced me to tears.
~Soft smiles & misty eyes, Nancy~

      ~ Summer can't be over...
  I still have the sand in my shoes ~

Susan Caldwell
Member Rara Avis
since 2002-12-27
Posts 8348
Florida
7 posted 2003-09-04 10:13 AM


Jamie....

I don't think I have read you before...and I am certainly glad I did now!!

This piece was very touching and I could really relate...

Write some more please?

Susan

KristieSue
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Senior Member
since 2003-01-31
Posts 1460
PA, US
8 posted 2003-09-04 10:30 AM


very emotional...

great job

Failure isn't failure if a lesson from it is learned ~ KS

Jamie
Member Elite
since 2000-06-26
Posts 3168
Blue Heaven
9 posted 2003-09-05 12:17 PM


Thanks to each of you for taking the time to read and also for the nice replies.


(hugs to martie and marge)

There is society where none intrudes, by the deep sea, and music in its roar.
byron

Dark Angel
Member Patricius
since 1999-08-04
Posts 10095

10 posted 2003-09-05 04:54 PM


Oh this aches m'friend....very well expressed and beautifully penned... as usual.

Keep smiling honey



Maree.

fate is not just
whose cooking  smells good
but which way the wind blows

(Ani DiFranco)


JamesMichael
Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336
Kapolei, Hawaii, USA
11 posted 2003-09-06 08:32 PM


Nice writing...James
Paul Wilson
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2002-07-07
Posts 4711
United States
12 posted 2003-09-06 08:47 PM


Jamie...This is a hard one to stomach. I really hope time will heal your hurt and heart...Paul

"To share my poems with you is to share my heart with you"

Severn
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704

13 posted 2003-09-19 09:22 PM


What Paul Wilson said J.

Thanks for the link, else I never would have seen it - remember that Mmy.

No comments on the piece, I don't think it's one to comment on per se.

Hugs to you dear friend.

K

kaile
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Ascendant
since 2000-02-06
Posts 5146
singapore
14 posted 2003-09-20 12:43 PM


where I could steal memories
strong enough to hold onto hopes
long ago eclipsed by reality.

i may not particularly understand your circumstances but i related strongly to the words above...they seem like something i tell myself often in the day-to-day struggles of living..

hugs, haiku friend


Jamie
Member Elite
since 2000-06-26
Posts 3168
Blue Heaven
15 posted 2003-09-30 06:20 PM


Thanks again--


and I will Mmy  

and huggles back to LK

J

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