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Open Poetry #28
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Professor Gloom
Member Elite
since 2000-07-23
Posts 3082
of Depression

0 posted 2003-08-31 07:46 PM


She walks up slowly so that my eyes linger on her movement,
From fine coiffed hair down to heels and superbly painted toe nails,
Taking the time to look and enjoying the time as it’s spent,
And as she comes closer the aroma of her female smells.

I have noticed her all but she pauses a while
Knowing that a few more moments now won’t matter
Just like last time she looks at me without a smile,
Like sculptured beauty neither happy or sadder.

In a short moment that seems like a day
She greets me much too formally and cold
Which means she’d rather not be there today
Filled with those memories that have grown old.

Rings and jewelry ornamental,
She dressed up sparing no expense,
All for show not sentimental
Using her money as a defense.

We said what we had to,
No extra words as before
Said too quickly and few
Then she went to the door.

I remember that walk from the last time she left me standing
In a pool of fragrance and a vast flood of unused emotions,
Now I held an envelop with what she once was demanding,
All was even and all was done to it’s final completion.

Gloom



© Copyright 2003 Aszard Drazlom - All Rights Reserved
nakdthoughts
Member Laureate
since 2000-10-29
Posts 19200
Between the Lines
1 posted 2003-08-31 09:17 PM


"Just like last time she looks at me without a smile,"


I find that hard to believe...

nicely told
M


Professor Gloom
Member Elite
since 2000-07-23
Posts 3082
of Depression
2 posted 2003-08-31 09:27 PM


Thank you, Nakdthoughts
For taking the time to read and respond,
This poem is just an attempt at character building for prose I am writing,
Just a touch of fiction in a different manner.

Gloom

Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla
3 posted 2003-08-31 09:28 PM


Professor,
Good write, enjoyed the read.

Earth Angel
Member Empyrean
since 2002-08-27
Posts 40215
Realms of Light
4 posted 2003-08-31 09:33 PM


"Rings and jewelry ornamental,
She dressed up sparing no expense,
All for show not sentimental
Using her money as a defense."

~ Speaks volumes!

I enjoy the informality of this write. It is as if you are recounting a real event in your life, in a conversation.


EA

Professor Gloom
Member Elite
since 2000-07-23
Posts 3082
of Depression
5 posted 2003-08-31 09:44 PM


Thank you, Seymour,
Pleased you enjoyed

Thank you, Earth Angel,
I do expect that this might get moved to just prose,
Which is why the long lines,
To give the more prose feel
I’ve always that poetic lines should be rather short
Full of expression.
Your comments are a pleasure.

Gloom

Paul Wilson
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2002-07-07
Posts 4711
United States
6 posted 2003-08-31 09:46 PM


Gloom...Enjoyed. I don't have the confidence to try and write prose or free verse, so my hats off to you.

I remember that walk from the last time she left me standing
In a pool of fragrance and a vast flood of unused emotions,
Now I held an envelop with what she once was demanding,
All was even and all was done to it’s final completion.

A perfect ending...Paul

"To share my poems with you is to share my heart with you"

[This message has been edited by Paul Wilson (08-31-2003 09:46 PM).]

Professor Gloom
Member Elite
since 2000-07-23
Posts 3082
of Depression
7 posted 2003-08-31 09:52 PM


Thank you, Paul,
Well, confidence is something I don’t lack in my writing,
Time is.
I’ve been working on the prose for about two months and although have a full plan
Have but two chapters written out as I want them.
Try some prose or free verse if you have the time,
I’m sure you’ll do well.
Your comments are very welcome.

Gloom

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