*Upfront, I would like to say, if this posts offends anyone I sincerely apologise, but I have to write this one out, and since you all have
come to be my second family, I wouldn't think of
posting it anywhere else**
I contacted my bio mother after 20 years, and she wants nothing to do with me. For any individuals who put their children up for adoption, this certainly isn't a shot at you, just my feelings. Thanks for all who might read.
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Never To Go Back

I went out for this search, not sure of what I would find
Feeling stupid and lost now, I guess what they say is true about love being blind
Thinking you cared, I sought out to say hello to you after all these years
Now I fight back a heartache I've never know, along with a million or so tears

Still though I can't hate you, but God I wish that I could
You don't deserve my love, nor do you know how to love in return...you never could
You realise you lost a precious gift, through the years I've turned my life around
So why in the end do I feel like the clown?

Everyone told me not to find you, that it would only end in a terrible pain
They couldn't have predicted this though, I can't even bare to say your name
I will never go back, never go back with the love I once held in my soul
Now it's filled with this anger and hurt, how will I ever be whole?

I realise you have your reasons, maybe hearing I wanted contact filled you again with pain
I guess I'll never know what you think, for I'll never revisit this day ever again
Maybe I expected a miracle after a little over twenty years
I guess I just wanted the one person who could regarding this particular pain, to console my endless tears

An angel sits in heaven, and on tonight she cries, as much as I do
For she probably knew this all along, that her daughter would play the fool
I don't even know how to express, the storm that rages inside of me
Never do I think from all this will I be free

Please God help me, help me understand what she said
Let me forgive her if I can, instead of feeling empty and dead
At least now I know though, and this search has come to an end
And somehow with time, my broken shattered heart will begin on it's journey to mend