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Open Poetry #28
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the last bus home
| Open Poetry #28 |
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the last bus home |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738
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"They don't know..." He talked to flies. His eyes bounced. he danced the glee-- sparks of glass and cigarettes-- he created chalk on lips everytime he licked them dry-- leaving crust of wish. "They don't know, they just don't know..." I watched him hunching in foxhole. There were veins there in his neck keeping time with his eyelid-- as he smiled at me exposed knowing--I had seen. I smiled. He smiled. Some normalcy. I pondered buying him a shot. Thinking, "sure, the drink's on me-- hopefully the daemon's not." But I nodded to the keep; she poured the cuervo chilled. He spilled half before he drank-- I gave up another five. She refilled his steady hand; then, I watched him come alive. He came into his own and asked "where y'from, y'little girl?" I laughed and said, "man, I'm from Mars..." He told me we would war the worlds. "I could tell you weren't from here-- Yer money is too good." I tossed another down my throat-- swallowing the last of "should." I bought the bottom of the fifth-- left the keep an honest tip-- then I'd had enough of it, and caught the last bus home. |
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| © Copyright 2003 serenity blaze - All Rights Reserved | |||
Paul Wilson
since 2002-07-07
Posts 4711United States |
Serenity...Good to read you again. Especially this early.You been out all night again crying in your beer about them Saints?..Paul "To share my poems with you is to share my heart with you" |
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Kaoru
since 2003-06-07
Posts 3892where the wild flowers grow |
one..two..three..floor. great write |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Once again, you caught a wisp of the person and left us the anquish of the soul... Well done, little one. |
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KristieSue
since 2003-01-31
Posts 1460PA, US |
as scary as it is, it sounds like my last Saturday night.....ACK. lol Failure isn't failure if a lesson from it is learned ~ KS |
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Seymour Tabin Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720Tamarac Fla |
serenity You ran the ball in such a dazzling run I couldn't tackle you, enjoyed.  |
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littlewing Member Rara Avis
since 2003-03-02
Posts 9655New York |
Karen, I know this well . . . sounded to me like alcoholism . . . th eman and the way he came alive You have a keen memory , m'lady thanks for the journey xxoo |
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Cpat Hair
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793 |
I tossed another down my throat-- swallowing the last of "should." I bought the bottom of the fifth-- left the keep an honest tip-- then I'd had enough of it, and caught the last bus home. sums it up pretty neatly... nice .. as usual.. |
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nakdthoughts Member Laureate
since 2000-10-29
Posts 19200Between the Lines |
some day I shall visit and you will show my eyes a touch of a life I have never known... I am so stifled ...here M |
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Eromyna Member
since 2002-11-29
Posts 306Pheonix, AZ, USA |
I got lost in that one. It just sucked me in. I think I need to read it again before I'll completely understand it. "I don't need to scream for you to deem me aggravation." |
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angelblueyes Member Elite
since 2003-07-19
Posts 2148Oklahoma |
I'm always glad to see your writes.They ttake me down paths of intriguing adventure.  Crystal |
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Susan Caldwell Member Rara Avis
since 2002-12-27
Posts 8348Florida |
"I watched him hunching in foxhole. There were veins there in his neck keeping time with his eyelid-- as he smiled at me exposed knowing--I had seen." ohhhhhhhh...I have seen that and it wasn't at a bar... love it Karen!!  Susan |
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Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612Hurricane Alley |
I'd like to tell you what mental image this invoked. A man - ragged and dirty winds twisting up leaves around him his eyes at times unseeing yet knowing and you understanding where he'd been |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
ahhh my peeeeple watcher twin... no one writes the gifts found in the moment like you... like a poetic polaroid... you capture the moment and turn it into a worded memory for all of us. You're going to hear my voice in the morning calling your name ... |
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
Yep! What Janet Marie said!  |
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Kielo Senior Member
since 2002-02-11
Posts 1109 |
I've always loved people watching.... I've just never been very good at writing about it. *grin* You, however, always do well. Once again, I love it.  Kielo I'll never forget you.... I know that much, despite my foolishness. |
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vlraynes Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-25
Posts 8229Somewhere... out there... |
Yep...what Jan said too... Love this, Karen...hugs, you... "My friends are my estate." |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
Wow. Thanks so much for reading. I'm still working on character sketches--and this guy just wouldn't stay in my prose notebook-- another unforgettable character of mine. (and actually yanno, he wasn't all that polite--I had to "clean him up" for Open--er, his language anyhow.) Thanks again, with love to ALL.  |
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ThisDiamond Member Rara Avis
since 2002-02-22
Posts 9353Michigan, USA |
Quite a strong write...catching in the throat, because I had seen this man... Great lines. TD |
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brian sites Senior Member
since 2002-06-25
Posts 1475usa |
sometimes I think New Orleans was put there to be Writer's Disneyland especially the ones who like to write the smell of decay amongst the endless parties and silent moss and the secondskinswelter smile you do it with an unapologetic eye and the soul of a wild bird in a cage last bus home |
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garysgirl 
since 2002-09-29
Posts 19237Florida, USA |
Karen, what Janet and then Brian said above me.  Hugs Ethel |
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SharaRose Member Elite
since 2003-07-19
Posts 2501Somewhere out there~ |
Just five minutes inside your mind.....what a wealth of talent...come on now you can spare a speck, or two...pleaseeeeeee can't ya share a little...hehehehe I know ..I'm just bein'  SharaRose @-->-- Of sound, and speech let all lift the hearer! |
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JamesMichael Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336Kapolei, Hawaii, USA |
Interesting...the last lines made me laugh...we're having a bus strike over here right now...fortunately I don't ride the bus...James |
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