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Open Poetry #28
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la femme de blanc (more watching)
| Open Poetry #28 |
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la femme de blanc (more watching) |
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Local Rebel Member Ascendant
since 1999-12-21
Posts 5767Southern Abstentia 
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an elevator in her brown kryptonite eyes my cloak of invisibility disappears she sees me behind the shades she sees me like the village girl and Shelly's man lightning struck will she break? if touched her sagacity not borne of tribulation but from innocence a safe life weight shifted to one foot the other pointed up saddled in spotless white ked decks blending into legs of white denim jeans that look cut to fit a white smock and a hint of chestnut mane tucked under a white paper bonnet her life has been as white as her uniform and it is so prim and proper and tailored I know what stock she came from middle class professional parents and then college sweethart two point three kids she's nuclear powered with an internal reactor that gives her constant energy happy even when no one is looking or at least when she thinks no one is once she did a rah-rah with fists and a broad smile until she saw me looking her frame is fit like her uniform she doesn't fret in front of mirrors wondering if her butt looks big five six petite youthful but time composed fine lines over her though not crossing her confidence or beam her tragedy is not having known any yet teasing her I ask about the round tray constantly balanced and covered on her left hand what has she brought me for breakfast? you don't want this she assures disconcerted plain gelatin clear broth dry toast the other elevator passengers egressed leaving us alone together kryptonite eyes probed behind my glasses again and gravity began our ride toward the first floor the first something that moment of time before a first kiss when the universe is about to change forever but doors opened and riders in anticipation filed in we take different lifts now both a little weaker |
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Kaoru
since 2003-06-07
Posts 3892where the wild flowers grow |
You're good at this, you know? Maybe a little too good, but that's always.. good. Heh, I'm saving this one. |
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snowpants Member Elite
since 2000-09-16
Posts 2061KS |
< constantly balanced and covered on her left hand what has she brought me for breakfast? you don't want this she assures disconcerted plain gelatin clear broth dry toast>> < the first floor the first something that moment of time before a first kiss when the universe is about to change forever but doors opened and riders in anticipation filed in we take different lifts now both a little weaker>> ================== I love the exchange between the two...very cool write of perception... sp  just a hang-up call and the quiet breathing of our persian we call cajun on a wednesday... |
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passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
hmmm...maybe I should change professions  |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
so superman gazed into kryptonite eyes? smiling here... You demonstrate such a laser eye and intuitive expression, I think you would make me nervous in person. This was another one that was a jolt of electicity, Reb. Now I'm shaking my head...you get a bunch of these and put 'em together, and it'd make a fine little book. HINT. Enjoying this stroll through life through your eyes.  I know you've got more... |
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Sunnyone Member Ascendant
since 2000-07-06
Posts 5334Staffordshire, England |
There should be a sequel to this, ya know!!! For some reason, I think this story continues, but I must leave that to the discretion of the poet, eh? Loved it!! ~S~ Accept these small gifts from my gypsy heart ~~S~~ |
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1slick_lady Member Ascendant
since 2000-12-22
Posts 6088standing on a shadow's lace |
incredible |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
I have a friend who worried when she thought her poem was too long... When they're done right, they are never too long... and leave you without breath. This is one of them. |
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Patricia Member Elite
since 2003-04-06
Posts 2160Missouri |
This is superb writing...just incredible. I will be looking for you among these pages of blue. So impressed! Patricia |
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Midnitesun
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647Gaia |
Reb, this write breathes and tingles the spine with energy. Think I'll call you XRAY. This high level form of voyeurism (  ) suits you well.bowing  to a masterful writer[This message has been edited by Midnitesun (08-24-2003 10:58 AM).] |
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Bonnie j Senior Member
since 2003-06-27
Posts 1588Ohio |
This is very interesting. I love a good story. This could take many paths and turn into another work of art. Thanks for sharing. Bon-Bon  |
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angelblueyes Member Elite
since 2003-07-19
Posts 2148Oklahoma |
You are so good at these.You see things to the insight that alot don't see.This held such energy and intrigue. Crystal |
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garysgirl 
since 2002-09-29
Posts 19237Florida, USA |
Reb Hawke, you have a way of looking right down inside a person....don't you? Past all the exterior, down into the person...where everything is that counts about someone. This ending made me wanting more..... the other elevator passengers egressed leaving us alone together kryptonite eyes probed behind my glasses again and gravity began our ride toward the first floor the first something that moment of time before a first kiss when the universe is about to change forever but doors opened and riders in anticipation filed in we take different lifts now both a little weaker Hugs to you, my friend  Ethel |
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Janette
since 2001-07-20
Posts 2843Chicagoland for now |
I'd say YOU are the sagacious one. WOW! Very keenly written piece of work here, dear Sir. always seeking joy, adventure and romance and wishing you find the same |
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littlewing Member Rara Avis
since 2003-03-02
Posts 9655New York |
LR? that was the best damn elevator ride I have ever taken . . . *smile* happy even when no one is looking or at least when she thinks no one is yepp . . . xxoo |
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Local Rebel Member Ascendant
since 1999-12-21
Posts 5767Southern Abstentia |
dixie -- what? a uniform without handcuffs??  blazey -- maybe I'd be nervous... frankenstein though -- not superman...yeah -- there's probably more -- but, you know me Sunnyone -- yes, the story does continue -- we go our seperate ways and moments pass by as always -- I saw her again for the first time in six months just last week, even so, I wouldn't know what to say, and if I did, I wouldn't. One day there will be a breeze, she will open her umbrella, and fly away -- I will be off sweeping other chimneys... Helen -- takes one to know one Karilea -- my sophomore lit teacher always said the length of a writing is as a woman's skirt -- long enough to cover the subject, but, short enough to be interesting  Patricia -- I come and go -- so you may want to check the archives -- thankyou... Kacey -- how do we know I'm correct though? It could all just be dead wrong? Please don't bow -- just throw that camel hair bikini..! Bonnie -- no, sorry, all of these paths terminate in a dead end... Crystal -- maybe I just see what I want to see? It's harder to read a person in uniform though -- not impossible, just harder Ethel -- I try not to peek down women's blouses but I just can't help myself!  Ah Janette -- but twas her that looked right through me... I was supposed to be invisible littlewink! so that was YOU! heh... many thanks again to all and bouna sera! |
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inkedgoddess Member Rara Avis
since 2002-11-19
Posts 7392Ohio |
in her brown kryptonite eyes my cloak of invisibility disappears i know these eyes well weak knees, rendering me defenseless nice work rebell |
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littlewing Member Rara Avis
since 2003-03-02
Posts 9655New York |
ahahah . . . I wish . . . lol littlewink [This message has been edited by littlewing (08-24-2003 10:53 PM).] |
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Aenimal Member Rara Avis
since 2002-11-18
Posts 7350the ass-end of space |
ah tension ah regret..ah crap... |
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Local Rebel Member Ascendant
since 1999-12-21
Posts 5767Southern Abstentia |
meg! I'm so sorry I missed you in the first round of responses... thank you... and yep -- it's always (kind of) nice to have someone that can read us... eh? snowpants! how did I miss you too??? bad Hawke... bad... I musta had my browser positioned wrong... thank you so much.. inkgoddess -- yep. thanks... see.. no dictionary required... littlewink -- Raph -- no regret here -- I wouldn't dare inflict myself upon an angel in white.. heh |
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JamesMichael Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336Kapolei, Hawaii, USA |
Like this...a lot...well more than a lot...I enjoy watching also...especially in the mall...James |
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Cpat Hair
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793 |
very nicely done... I may have to give this a try myself. Not that I watch people at all ..lol... you frame this moment and the situation well in the reality of small passings..sudden attractions or just a minute of what if.. good stuff bud.. one I'll visit again. |
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timothysangel1973
since 2001-12-03
Posts 1725Never close enough |
I bow to the master.... This was absolutely EXQUISITE sweet Rebel Man! I wait patiently for you to post something new, and when you do...wham! You knock me over! |
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suthern
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723Louisiana |
that moment of time before a first kiss when the universe is about to change forever I was fascinated by your watching... but these lines took my breath... you've described them so well! *S* I like this very much, my feathered friend. *S* |
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hoot_owl_rn Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750Glen Hope, PA USA |
Hmmm....the woman in white. Here's one nurse that smiled at this interplay. You do have a way with words. People watch all you want!! |
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jellybeans Member Elite
since 2000-10-13
Posts 2298 |
hmmm subject was not quite what I envisioned, but none less entertaining than your usual high quality work |
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