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Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

0 posted 2003-08-21 11:28 AM

Shaded eyes of his
hooded enough by time
blinding weather-veined
in slow-mo of watching others

closed in “open enough”
that no color seeps through,
he steals the lines
of your souls as they stream by
memorizing gradations
to scale

then he positions them in thought
one by one
until they form a poem

and if your closed eyes open
upon the scratch of
thought

and you don’t see you…

then walk by
his eyes
again.

~*~

Inspired by Local Rebel

[This message has been edited by Sunshine (08-21-2003 11:30 AM).]

Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean

since 1999-07-07

Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla

1 posted 2003-08-21 11:59 AM

And it all happens in the sunshine.

eminor_angel
Member

since 2003-05-22

Posts 323
Canada

2 posted 2003-08-21 12:01 PM

excellent lines, multiple layers. I can't quite figure out who "he" is yet, though. Perhaps somebody could enlighten me?

Gentle Spirit
Member Patricius

since 2000-10-09

Posts 13989

3 posted 2003-08-21 12:11 PM

and if your closed eyes open
upon the scratch of
thought

and you don’t see you…

then walk by
his eyes
again

Yes, and sometimes things become very clearly for those who are looking,
and those who still can not see.
Lovely, and very understood sunny lady....
thank you...

I must have had my momma's will
and Gods Amazing Grace...

I'm a survivor....
(Reba)

Enchantress
Member Empyrean

since 2001-08-14

Posts 35113
Canada eh.

4 posted 2003-08-21 01:00 PM

"and if your closed eyes open
upon the scratch of
thought

and you don’t see you…

then walk by
his eyes
again."

Once again...Fantastic write!
Love ya lady!

~The breeze that kissed you on the face,
Has held me in the same embrace~

BluesSerenade
Member Patricius

since 2001-10-23

Posts 10549
By the Seaside

5 posted 2003-08-21 02:05 PM

and if your closed eyes open
upon the scratch of
thought

and you don’t see you…

then walk by
his eyes
again.

You're something else Karilea~

Bravo Woman!!!

Nightshade

Member Patricius

since 2001-08-31

Posts 13962
just out of reach

6 posted 2003-08-21 02:09 PM

This is awesome Karilea. I love it! Wish I had time to try to write...even a couple of lines...but a certain "walking slipper" is in need of attention. hugs, Chris

jellybeans
Member Elite

since 2000-10-13

Posts 2298

7 posted 2003-08-21 02:21 PM

wonderful write lady, great observations, and very well put

El_Campeador
Senior Member

since 2003-01-29

Posts 761
Ohio, USA

8 posted 2003-08-21 03:14 PM

Wow! You did a great job with this one, Karilea...

“We are all travelers in the wilderness of this world, and the best that we can find in our travels is an honest friend.” –Robert Louis Stevenson

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean

since 2000-02-02

Posts 27738

9 posted 2003-08-21 03:46 PM

smile..YES

There's a lot of voyeurism going around.

This is wonderful, and I can see Reb like this...now I wait for someone to write a poem watching someone watch someone watch...

Patricia
Member Elite

since 2003-04-06

Posts 2160
Missouri

10 posted 2003-08-21 05:59 PM

and if your closed eyes open
upon the scratch of
thought

and you don’t see you…

then walk by
his eyes
again.

Karilea, I have read this several times, and I know I will go back again. I am sitting here shaking my head in awe of you. I guess... yes...I am speechless!

Have I told you lately how wonderful you are?

Hugs to you this day and always,
Patricia

littlewing
Member Rara Avis

since 2003-03-02

Posts 9655
New York

11 posted 2003-08-21 06:32 PM

Karilea . . .
exactly where is this stuff coming from!
OMG, I am in awe of your talent
as a writer and as a person . . .
every time Karilea, every time

Karen, you just gave me my challenge tyvm

Truly . . . numb
xxoo

Local Rebel
Member Ascendant

since 1999-12-21

Posts 5767
Southern Abstentia

12 posted 2003-08-23 06:59 PM

When I was a teenager a wise man taught me that when someone pays you a compliment the appropriate response is 'thankyou'. That, however, doesn't seem to be adequate -- but it is all there is in English, merci, gracias, ad infinitum in all planet languages and dialects.

And -- I like that old Jungle Book boogie too! Probably the only way the kids would even recognize Louis these days -- except for David Lee Roth doing Gigilo and Brian Setzer's cover of Jump Jive and Wail.... ah.. in a Jazz mood now Sunshine... how can I possibly write?

Dark Angel
Member Patricius

since 1999-08-04

Posts 10095

13 posted 2003-08-23 07:10 PM

This is a wonderful write Karilea and you are wonderful too!

Maree

Kaoru

Member Elite

since 2003-06-07

Posts 3892
where the wild flowers grow

14 posted 2003-08-23 10:27 PM

"then he positions them in thought
one by one
until they form a poem

and if your closed eyes open
upon the scratch of
thought

and you don’t see you…"

Don't know why, but this struck a chord..
Great write!

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

15 posted 2003-08-31 08:22 AM

This challenge was exceptionally interesting, and of course, the idea of more "indepth" people watching is now sticking close! Thanks, everyone!

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