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Open Poetry #28
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The Red Woman (people watching for the serene fire)
| Open Poetry #28 |
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The Red Woman (people watching for the serene fire) |
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Local Rebel Member Ascendant
since 1999-12-21
Posts 5767Southern Abstentia 
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she is a walking present tense verb undefined and less refined in an adjective late clip-clopping in heels towards the door the pro-noun probably has a lover beautiful but not pretty in a tight red dress unsuited for business she is late again as she's been for 19 months breezing past purse strap cleaving breasts already tense inside a too tight red dress late again her lover probably likes morning time with her she comes in undefined but gussied up insecure about her ability, her beauty so she pursues sexy beyond style and I speculate she came from the lower income broken absent father home all the signs but recently acquired money hates men but pursues them so she can emasculate them the bigger they are the better a half burnt fag wedged between fingers she snuffs it before reaching the door and waves her hands around her head to dispel evil spirits? gestate that's the verb soon probably beautiful as she is I'm glad it will not be mine |
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| © Copyright 2003 Local Rebel - All Rights Reserved | |||
Mysteria 
since 2001-03-07
Posts 18328British Columbia, Canada |
Now that was some people watching, you know I could almost see the wrinkles in that dress, and I envisioned her face. Now that is truly meeting the challenge, excellent work. Sure, I wear rose-colored glasses, makes everything just rosey. Carpe' Diem |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
an electrifying vision--so much so? that I WANTED it to be ME--even the unflattering parts...ESPECIALLY the unflattering parts. my my my... I can't say enough about this, even the classic femme fatale vision of "woman in a red dress" (and yep, I heard "Devil in a BLUE Dress" too) and the quick sharp astute analysis (or is that "presumptions?") SEE? I can even TALK like her!  so glad ya came out to play Reb. Now. Do it again?  |
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garysgirl
since 2002-09-29
Posts 19237Florida, USA |
Reb, you know already that I love your work...all of it....but this poem is absolutely beyond words. I felt just like I was right there and saw this same woman. Reb Hawke, I sure do wish that I could write like you.  Hugs  Ethel |
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Kaoru
since 2003-06-07
Posts 3892where the wild flowers grow |
This is just amazing.. |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
...and me? I saw sequins... Because I know you'll see it here? Thanks for the comments on mine...I've now got strains of "That Old Black Magic" ringing through my head now... now to mention the sight and sound of King Orangutan... |
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Susan Caldwell Member Rara Avis
since 2002-12-27
Posts 8348Florida |
"insecure about her ability, her beauty so she pursues sexy" You know women don't you? Those lines were perfect.. Loved it! Susan |
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Earth Angel Member Empyrean
since 2002-08-27
Posts 40215Realms of Light |
This was up close and personal! So flippen real! Thanks for making me glad that I didn't go into the oldest profession! I chose the second oldest profession instead!--nursing! lol You met the Serene One's challenge, commendably well!  Luvs 'n hugs 'n smiles, EA |
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Enchantress Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113Canada eh. |
"and waves her hands around her head to dispel evil spirits? gestate that's the verb soon probably beautiful as she is I'm glad it will not be mine" Fantastic description! You made her real! Challenge very well met Reb. I especially loved the above part and could imagine her making this gesture. Great stuff! ~Hugs~ ~The breeze that kissed you on the face, |
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
Rebel You write with intelligence and sensitity...and honest eyes. Enjoyed this! |
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Cpat Hair
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793 |
Sounds as if you watched with experience..not just your eyes... well done as always... I enjoyed |
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jellybeans Member Elite
since 2000-10-13
Posts 2298 |
this is a woman well watched, but funny thing on reading I didn't see her as much as I could see your eyes, not giving her a clue of all of your 'poetic findings' excellent write....this sort of challenge suits your talent well |
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Nightshade
since 2001-08-31
Posts 13962just out of reach |
Excellent, I can even smell the heavy scent of Tigress by Faberge'. Enjoyed. Chris "Hope" is the thing with feathers |
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suthern
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723Louisiana |
hates men but pursues them so she can emasculate them the bigger they are the better You deftly define with sharp edges... the new wealth is there, but still pauper to caring... and someone pays for her past. *S* Excellent write, my friend... and I'm glad too it's not you holding the checkbook. *S* |
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gemjop Member Elite
since 2002-11-18
Posts 2587Pencilveinia, USA |
wow, too many perfect lines here...left me wanting more, i moved with her every motion. Instant karma's gonna get you. |
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Bill Charles Member Patricius
since 2000-07-11
Posts 10619highways, & byways, for now |
Local Rebel - words flow well from your pen, liked this much... BC |
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littlewing Member Rara Avis
since 2003-03-02
Posts 9655New York |
LR - no, good choice . . . sad as it was to see this . . . but this I loved: the pro-noun ahahahah . . . xxoo |
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angelblueyes Member Elite
since 2003-07-19
Posts 2148Oklahoma |
I could see here vividly as if she was right before my eyes.You've exceeded this challenge  Crystal |
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Midnitesun
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647Gaia |
There is a good reason why I fought with this phone line all week to able to be online and read. You see much beneath the red dress. But it was truly your keen eyes and mind that were uncovered by this write, my friend. Another keeper.  [This message has been edited by Midnitesun (08-22-2003 09:18 PM).] |
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Local Rebel Member Ascendant
since 1999-12-21
Posts 5767Southern Abstentia |
Mysteria -- I thank you very much, glad you enjoyed Ah blazey -- glad you liked it -- but unflattering???? I tried not to put any value judgements in there -- are you being presumptive? (a path I've walked m'dear -- oh.. the stories)ethel --thanks to you too... but, why write like me? when you can write like you? *wink Karou -- thanks -- it's all done with mirrors Sunshine -- thank you... bouna sera kiss mee good nite! Susan -- Do I? I'll try to use my power for good...thank you, glad you liked the poem Earth Angel -- so funny you should mention it -- but I happen to observe this young lady on her egress to work each day -- in a hospital! (but no she's not a nurse) thankyou Enchantress -- thanks m'lady (bow) Martie -- you are too, too kind. Thanks you Ron -- unfortunate experience... yep...thanks JB-- I have to confess -- I already started on this series (in my head). Blazey's challenge was just a nice shoehorn to make it fit. Thanks... Chris -- I apreciate your reading very much Ruthie -- yep -- meee too... in another time -- it may have been? thanks for your comments gem - thank you very much -- I don't think you've ever read me before Bill, backatcha... thanks littlewink -- heh.. yeah.. I had fun writing that too....glad it tickled yer tummy Crystal -- many thanks to you as well! Midnite -- glad you made it back online -- I know how it feels to struggle with dial-up -- thanks And to all, a good nite! |
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