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Open Poetry #28

Elope(revised)

x8x_bigmike
Member

since 2003-07-08

Posts 130
California, USA

0 posted 2003-08-18 01:44 PM

Heat
an ex-together visit
a kiss that calls the breeze,
to lick piano keys.
A silent cue
for a moment's orchestra
to fill our ears with the comfortable
cool of a familiar song.

A sanctuary beyond memory's
hurricane tricks, pitting
humid regret against tense toil.

For when the gust gives way
to a nostalgic bend
i find myself sweltering
on a plastic chair,
while the ghetto street steams

Edited by: x8xbigmike at: 8/18/03

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my email is bigmike@peakpool.com
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QjQ
Member Elite

since 2003-04-18

Posts 3756
U.S.A.

1 posted 2003-08-18 02:50 PM

goood writing,,,

Nicole
Senior Member

since 1999-06-23

Posts 1835
Florida

2 posted 2003-08-18 03:33 PM

I really enjoyed your imagry with this piece.

This stanza:

"A sanctuary beyond memory's
hurricane tricks, pitting
humid regret against tense toil."

Very nice.  Not much can be fruitful from humid regret and tense toil.  And consequently, my mind keeps wanting to replace "humid" with "human" - which I find interesting, either one works and it makes for a nice play on words.

I enjoyed how the beginning gave the feel of dry heat, and a cool breeze - very lyrical in wording, and easy to read.  Then, the ending, back to reality almost - where you have sticky humid hot air and plastic.  Nice transition there.

Overall, very much enjoyed!

Nicole

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