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Open Poetry #28
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icebox
Member Elite
since 2003-05-03
Posts 4383
in the shadows

0 posted 2003-08-10 01:18 PM



Cast from the Void
separated by birth
seeking oneness with another

Death stalks in the night
a tourist searching for light
fearing no one's door

To remember warmth
to recall the spirit's touch
defines bittersweet

Souvenirs of life
holding memories of you
waiting patiently

There is no return
no more peaceful moonlight talks
no precious endings

I have worn the cloak
of a reaper at its task
I've no right to tears

Death walks in the night
comfortably fearless and calm
careless of reason

©2003 by icebox


© Copyright 2003 icebox - All Rights Reserved
Margherita
Member Seraphic
since 2003-02-08
Posts 22236
Eternity
1 posted 2003-08-10 01:23 PM


Cast from the Void
separated by birth
seeking oneness with another


This resonates so much within! A wonderful poem, even though it holds sadness.

Love, Margherita

Enchantress
Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113
Canada eh.
2 posted 2003-08-10 01:27 PM


Wonderful piece or work...
sad, yet so well written.
~Hugs~

~The breeze that kissed you on the face,
    Has held me in the same embrace~

Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049
California
3 posted 2003-08-10 01:38 PM


icebox

"I've no right to tears"

You may have more right to tears than most others do.  As always, such poignant words shared here.  

aujussy wolf
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Senior Member
since 2003-08-09
Posts 1215
Michigan
4 posted 2003-08-10 01:46 PM


ice , truth cuts like a knife ...this reminds me of those days when the clouds are a misty gray above , painting there weight upon our souls ... just waiting for the rains to wash away all this pain
Kaoru
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Member Elite
since 2003-06-07
Posts 3892
where the wild flowers grow
5 posted 2003-08-10 02:55 PM


"I have worn the cloak
of a reaper at its task
I've no right to tears

Death walks in the night
comfortably fearless and calm
careless of reason"

Your words ring in my ears,
thank you..it's nice to see you again.

Aenimal
Member Rara Avis
since 2002-11-18
Posts 7350
the ass-end of space
6 posted 2003-08-10 03:52 PM


You tattoo words into me brain..mmm brain
Earth Angel
Member Empyrean
since 2002-08-27
Posts 40215
Realms of Light
7 posted 2003-08-10 10:41 PM


Superb senryus!

"Sleeping Between The Grinding Stones of Life"--everything about this poem, from the title to the last line, was memorable!

Love your schtuff!

EA

garysgirl
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Member Laureate
since 2002-09-29
Posts 19237
Florida, USA
8 posted 2003-08-10 10:50 PM


Hello Iceman  
It's good to see you here. We miss you when you aren't.
As always, I love this poem, even if it is sad.
And, this part...what would we do without memories.....

Souvenirs of life
holding memories of you
waiting patiently


Hugs  


"If I know there's no possible way I can change something....I push it to the back room
in my mind & slam the door on it." Gary~  Heart hugs, Ethel

SharaRose
Member Elite
since 2003-07-19
Posts 2501
Somewhere out there~
9 posted 2003-08-10 10:55 PM


You seem such an humble man...so gentle in spirit...love should be yours with no threat of cancel. You know what they say about the meek...they shall inherit the Earth!


SharaRose @-->--

Honeybunch
Member Rara Avis
since 2001-12-29
Posts 7115
South Africa
10 posted 2003-08-11 01:22 AM


Until the tears, the fears remain!  Submission is the name of the game - and the game?  Life and all it brings or all we bring to ourselves.  A very sad and touching poem.
passing shadows
Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577
displaced
11 posted 2003-08-11 01:55 AM


tell it how it is

like this a lot, format is awesome!

2dalimit
Member Elite
since 2000-02-08
Posts 2228
Mississippi coast
12 posted 2003-08-11 12:54 PM


Death walks in the night
comfortably fearless and calm
careless of reason


What a job? Enjoyed the read.
Melton

angelblueyes
Member Elite
since 2003-07-19
Posts 2148
Oklahoma
13 posted 2003-08-11 01:09 PM


Full of sadness, but such a great write.Through our tears we release the fears within ourselves
angelblueyes

Susan Caldwell
Member Rara Avis
since 2002-12-27
Posts 8348
Florida
14 posted 2003-08-11 01:13 PM


"I have worn the cloak
of a reaper at its task
I've no right to tears"

As always the entire write touches me...however those lines above more than the others..why?  In life we sometimes find ourselves wearing that cloak whether we put it on or not...fear not my friend...we all earn our tears...

Hugs,
Susan

Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354
Listening to every heart
15 posted 2003-08-11 03:40 PM



...and, he's back.
You were missed.

S Arthur Grey
Senior Member
since 2001-03-19
Posts 719
woven by a poet's loom
16 posted 2003-08-11 04:03 PM


"To remember warmth
to recall the spirit's touch
defines bittersweet"

"There is no return
no more peaceful moonlight talks
no precious endings"

"I have worn the cloak
of a reaper at its task
I've no right to tears"

The senryu string is an interesting challenge and not as easy as it looks, speaking for myself.
I'm wondering if using the present participle in the verses quoted above, as you have done in others, might give this a more interesting cohesion.

Just an idea.

Enjoying your contributions.

s.a.g.

icebox
Member Elite
since 2003-05-03
Posts 4383
in the shadows
17 posted 2003-08-12 08:50 PM


Margherita ~ It is a human thing.  Thank you for reading my poem.

Enchantress ~ I am glad you enjoyed this.  Thank you for telling me.

Martie ~ *smile* *hug*

aujussy wolf ~ Yes, truth can cut.  Some pains never cease.  Thank you for reading and for your comments.

Kaoru ~ Thank you for taking time to share your thoughts.

Aenimal ~ hmmm...a tattoo!  Now what would it be, haven't put a tat on anyone in years...hmmm   *grin*     Thank you for reading my poem.

Earth Angel ~ Senyrus?  Is that what they are?   Glad you enjoyed this.

garysgirl ~ Yes, memories can be difficult, but still valuable.  There have been people who missed me (that is why I am still alive) but I don't think I have ever been "missed."  I am really not sure what to do about that.  Thank you?

SharaRose ~ Humble? *laugh* Now THAT I know I have never been called.  Thank you.

Honeybunch ~ Yes, life is like the wilderness; to survive, one must submit.

passing shadows ~ Thank you Ma'am; I value your critical mind.

2dalimit ~ I always thought Death had a decent gig.

angelblueyes ~ Now that is a poetic line!  You should use it again in a poem.

Susan Caldwell ~ You are right, I certainly have earned a few.  Thank you for your thoughts.

Sunshine ~ Wow, like I said above, I don't know how to react to being missed.  Thank you.

S Arthur Grey ~ I tried it; the meaning changed too much, for me.  The tense is related to the meaning but not to the form.  Thank you for your thoughts.

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