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Open Poetry #28
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inkedgoddess
Member Rara Avis
since 2002-11-19
Posts 7392
Ohio

0 posted 2003-08-07 10:01 PM



you've become the cloud sailing off,
yesterdays news takes centerstage again,
trackless now
you're anonymous,

mute like a carnival fish in a plastic bag,
self contained, scream your pretty head off,
i will pay you no mind,

you're all eyes, watching me watch you go,
i could care less -

the shaman will shake the sky for me,

rain may descend in storms
or come as an answered prayer,

he is dancing on clouds just for me,

why would i turn his love away?


© Copyright 2003 inkedgoddess - All Rights Reserved
Bill Charles
Member Patricius
since 2000-07-11
Posts 10619
highways, & byways, for now
1 posted 2003-08-07 10:05 PM


Michele - the rain is falling, the skies are in storm, and I'm a dancing away...

BC

Aenimal
Member Rara Avis
since 2002-11-18
Posts 7350
the ass-end of space
2 posted 2003-08-07 10:29 PM


so many why's to deal with no?
passing shadows
Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577
displaced
3 posted 2003-08-07 11:59 PM


love the visions this brought to mind
garysgirl
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Laureate
since 2002-09-29
Posts 19237
Florida, USA
4 posted 2003-08-08 12:04 PM


you're all eyes, watching me watch you go,
i could care less -


Michele, I love this line in particular.
Hugs  
Ethel

QjQ
Member Elite
since 2003-04-18
Posts 3756
U.S.A.
5 posted 2003-08-08 12:05 PM


very good write,,,




littlewing
Member Rara Avis
since 2003-03-02
Posts 9655
New York
6 posted 2003-08-08 01:06 AM


ahh this is brilliant:

mute like a carnival fish in a plastic bag,
self contained, scream your pretty head off,
i will pay you no mind,

brilliant and love should never be turned away, it is much too sparse . . .
xxoo

Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354
Listening to every heart
7 posted 2003-08-08 10:30 AM


mute like a carnival fish in a plastic bag,

~*~

Now here's a line that makes for a wonderful metaphor...

Well done!

vandana
Deputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Patricius
since 1999-10-22
Posts 10463
USA
8 posted 2003-08-08 10:31 AM


nice read
Sudhir Iyer
Member Ascendant
since 2000-04-26
Posts 6943
Mumbai, India : now in Belgium
9 posted 2003-08-08 10:34 AM


Michele, this is wonderful work...
now 'why should you?'

regards
sudhir

Susan Caldwell
Member Rara Avis
since 2002-12-27
Posts 8348
Florida
10 posted 2003-08-08 11:50 AM


"mute like a carnival fish in a plastic bag"

Ohhh..loved that line..

Very cool writing.

Susan C.  (that line makes me feel so evil..thinking of the little fishies I would like to mute...hmmmmm)

angelblueyes
Member Elite
since 2003-07-19
Posts 2148
Oklahoma
11 posted 2003-08-08 12:31 PM


Very wonerful writing here.
angelblueyes

ctowen
Member Elite
since 2001-10-18
Posts 2286
Green Mountains of VT
12 posted 2003-08-08 09:40 PM


O        O     O
(  O     (      
) o(     )  o   (
O ( )  o (  (   O
(   o  ( )   )  (
)  ()   O   o   )
!  !!  ! !   !   !


"tiny bubbles ... "

Rosemary J. Gwaltney
Senior Member
since 1999-08-26
Posts 997
northern mountains, Idaho
13 posted 2003-08-08 09:49 PM


Intriguing and powerful.  I like it!


ThisDiamond
Member Rara Avis
since 2002-02-22
Posts 9353
Michigan, USA
14 posted 2003-08-08 10:49 PM


The raw side of you Michelle...strong, valiant.  Well done. TD
BluesSerenade
Member Patricius
since 2001-10-23
Posts 10549
By the Seaside
15 posted 2003-08-09 01:34 AM


Hot damn!  You had me with the first verse!
This is wonderful and raw!!

You sure know how to shake it girlie~

Kaoru
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2003-06-07
Posts 3892
where the wild flowers grow
16 posted 2003-08-10 02:58 PM


"you're all eyes, watching me watch you go,
i could care less -

the shaman will shake the sky for me,

rain may descend in storms
or come as an answered prayer,

he is dancing on clouds just for me,

why would i turn his love away?"

WOW.. BUMP!

Awesome, amazing, and as always BEAUTIFUL write! Library, babe.

inkedgoddess
Member Rara Avis
since 2002-11-19
Posts 7392
Ohio
17 posted 2003-08-11 06:28 AM


thank you dear bill...keep dancing the night is young

raf...yes, i know, i know, why why why - Y is a crooked lette

glad you liked the visions dixie

ethel, i liked that one too!!! thanks dear girl

thanks Q for stopping by

and SuzieQ, oh yes, oh yes..........you are
one of great insight, once again

Sunshine, thank you for noticing

vandana....thank you for coming by

thanks Sudhir......much and spellcheck was
on my side, this time a bit more, no?

thanks angel eyes, glad u liked this

rosemary.......so glad i could intrigue in this for you

Tdiamond.......yes, the raw one strikes again! thanks for seeing this

lorigirl......yep sister, i'm a shaking and i hope he's a quaking reading on......

kauro.......thanks for seeing this and for the good old bump

craig, my boy.......that is one beauitful and amazing graphic, you've given, but honeychild........dont u know, its not polite to cut in on another man's dance
thank you tho


bklynboy
Senior Member
since 2002-12-15
Posts 660
florida
18 posted 2003-08-11 07:19 AM


Some interesting and unique lines in this poem. Pretty good!
Jason Lyle
Senior Member
since 2003-02-07
Posts 1438
With my darkling
19 posted 2003-08-11 09:34 AM


mute like a carnival fish in a plastic bag,
self contained, scream your pretty head off,
i will pay you no mind,

This is a great line in a great poem.I wish I had written it.

Jason

ctowen
Member Elite
since 2001-10-18
Posts 2286
Green Mountains of VT
20 posted 2003-08-11 10:30 AM


My extreme apologies ...
that was not my intentions at all!


Was simply expressing the feelings
of your mute fish!!

(thanks for the compliment!)

inkedgoddess
Member Rara Avis
since 2002-11-19
Posts 7392
Ohio
21 posted 2003-08-11 03:41 PM


thanks bboy as usual you are my sunshine on a rainy day

jason.........so glad u liked, feel free to borrow it if you'd like

craig,,,,,,,,,my bad................
so glad i still inspire.guess the thrill isnt gone

bklynboy
Senior Member
since 2002-12-15
Posts 660
florida
22 posted 2003-08-19 07:22 PM


mute like a carnival fish in a plastic bag

I really like that line....mind if I steal it and claim it for my own.

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