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Open Poetry #28
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Wind
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0 posted 2003-08-04 10:16 PM


My steps magnetic,
guide me to the tracks
What trains have traveled here?
Metal beats-
each step like rain
I can’t take it anymore

So desperate to show me the light
that you have blinded me.
The train is coming
what will you do?

Inertia holds me faint
gravity caused me
to revolve around you
you were the world to me.

I have trouble
putting the glass together.
you broke it,
this puzzle you've made.
piece by piece-
it takes forever.

Sending off a green-light-
I flash it back yellow,
then red…

Slow down-
Stop.
Turn off the light-
I’ll find my own way out of this

too late,
the train it gone-
I've missed my chance
gone from white to black...

neither one is good

you make it sound so easy,
with your step-by-step
instructions,
simple as
turn around-
Go back to the tunnel
Go back to tomorrow,
the train will come again

(needs a little work     )


insanity is not a crime

[This message has been edited by Wind (08-05-2003 08:28 PM).]

© Copyright 2003 Liz - All Rights Reserved
Earth Angel
Member Empyrean
since 2002-08-27
Posts 40215
Realms of Light
1 posted 2003-08-04 10:19 PM


Gadzooks, you are such a creative, imaginative writer! How old did you say you are!---


EA

Nightshade
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Member Patricius
since 2001-08-31
Posts 13962
just out of reach
2 posted 2003-08-04 10:19 PM


So desperate to show me the light
that you have blinded me.
The train is coming
what will you do?


Ah, Wind my little friend, your muse is very busy I see. Well done, interesting read. hugs, Chris



"The suspense is terrible.
I hope it will last!"
-Gene Wilder as Willy Wonka



    

Wind
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since 2002-10-12
Posts 2981

3 posted 2003-08-04 10:23 PM


thanks you two..yes, it seems that she won't quit. I have this thing about trains..they mean a lot to me, going new places, starting over- choosing your own path. Sometimes I walk on the tracks when I need inspiration. they are littered with broken glass. and I walk with bare feet. never been cut once. sometimes I wonder why

thanks for reading. I'm 14..14..14..I will echo this untill they stop asking which will be-never?

insanity is not a crime

BluesSerenade
Member Patricius
since 2001-10-23
Posts 10549
By the Seaside
4 posted 2003-08-04 10:40 PM


Turn around-
Go back to the tunnel
Go back to tomorrow,
the train will come again

Let's hope so!!  

No one captures the essence of the wind the way you do....You not only take me there, you take me back again.  

Nice one Windy woman!!  

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738

5 posted 2003-08-04 10:44 PM


I too have a thing about trains--AND broken mirrors...

no need to page Dr. Freud. It's all pretty apparent in my case.

You really ARE quite amazing. and I don't care if you are 14 or 41...

but don't get tired of folks asking, someday they WON'T--and? by then it's too late.



You are brilliant my friend.

and right here?

"you make it sound so easy,
with your step-by-step
instructions,
easy as
turn around-
Go back to the tunnel
Go back to tomorrow,
the train will come again"

You caught the dismay of the cyclic.

Much applause.

Krawdad
Member Elite
since 2001-01-03
Posts 2597

6 posted 2003-08-04 10:56 PM


What K said . . . echo, echo, echo

. . . if only I had tried it when I was 14 . . .

littlewing
Member Rara Avis
since 2003-03-02
Posts 9655
New York
7 posted 2003-08-05 01:09 AM


No Liz, no work needed at all whatsoever
wishing I had your insight . . .
xxoo

Kaoru
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since 2003-06-07
Posts 3892
where the wild flowers grow
8 posted 2003-08-05 01:18 AM


I don't think it needs any work either, Liz.. I love this write..
passing shadows
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since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577
displaced
9 posted 2003-08-05 03:16 AM


"Slow down-
Stop.
Turn off the light-
I’ll find my own way out of this"

love those lines!

Wind
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10 posted 2003-08-05 12:14 PM


Thanks to all of you...Ser yanno why? I'm your evil twin ...(evil laughter)

insanity is not a crime

Riley
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since 2002-07-18
Posts 1038
in the pouring rain
11 posted 2003-08-05 01:54 PM


hey hey, guess what song i am listening toooooo.....trapt-headstrong ( good song it kicks butt bai*b ) but seriously, nice poem here ( for a brat that is )   ( and btw this is coming from a bunny ) lol'z


quote:
Slow down-
Stop.
Turn off the light-
I’ll find my own way out of this



riley leanne

* the pouring rain kisses my lips with innocence as you look into my eyes *

gemjop
Member Elite
since 2002-11-18
Posts 2587
Pencilveinia, USA
12 posted 2003-08-05 02:04 PM


Inertia holds me faint
gravity caused me
to revolve around you
you were the world to me.

Genius. How do you do it? Tell meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!????

I love ya lizzie.

Instant karma's gonna get you.

Miah
Senior Member
since 2002-08-26
Posts 1062
Pennsylvania
13 posted 2003-08-05 02:10 PM


The train always seems to find it's way back.  Such creative writing! enjoyed.
1slick_lady
Member Ascendant
since 2000-12-22
Posts 6088
standing on a shadow's lace
14 posted 2003-08-05 02:12 PM


wind...
ageless is what you are
in your swirl
every time i read you
i catch my breath..
you say this one needs work?
i think not...h

Wind
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15 posted 2003-08-05 03:50 PM


you guys are too much thanks

insanity is not a crime

Wind
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since 2002-10-12
Posts 2981

16 posted 2003-08-05 05:24 PM


onece agin: did anyone just see this jump from the second page to the middle of this one? This happens a lot with my stuff...perhaps I'm magical

insanity is not a crime

gemjop
Member Elite
since 2002-11-18
Posts 2587
Pencilveinia, USA
17 posted 2003-08-05 06:18 PM


did it? i thought it was on the first page. it was on my first page.

gemma page

thats meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

garysgirl
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Member Laureate
since 2002-09-29
Posts 19237
Florida, USA
18 posted 2003-08-05 06:27 PM


you make it sound so easy,
with your step-by-step
instructions,
simple as
turn around-
Go back to the tunnel
Go back to tomorrow,
the train will come again


Liz, this is amazing writng, my friend. And, don't you just hate it when you talk about something and someone acts like they know exactly what you mean.....telling you how to do eveeeeryyyyything...no matter what it is, they say they've been through it before. I wonder just how much one person can go through, don't you?

BTW, this was on my first page, too.
Hugs, my friend  
Ethel


nakdthoughts
Member Laureate
since 2000-10-29
Posts 19200
Between the Lines
19 posted 2003-08-05 07:26 PM


I walk the tracks, too..but ours has no broken glass..it's part of our bike path and park system now.

You write so well Liz..only suggestion is to check your spelling  every now and then..you know that I before e except after c rule..I think thats the one ( teacher in me, sorry)
hugss
M

Wind
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since 2002-10-12
Posts 2981

20 posted 2003-08-05 08:29 PM


oh thanks..I thought it was the other way around sometimes it confuses me.

insanity is not a crime

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