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| Open Poetry #28 |
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Wind
since 2002-10-12
Posts 2981
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Gutter flooded, I try walking backwards a desperate hope that I can turn back You shook me awake- I try vanishing, unseen you’ve got me praying for a miracle please go away, please go away I’m not here The dotted line you see plainly drawn, never able to leave. Iced your window My shadow still visible Fade for me, remove this pain Dub me evanescent- And I’ll shimmer for a second. And then I’m gone insanity is not a crime [This message has been edited by Wind (08-02-2003 09:28 PM).] |
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| © Copyright 2003 Liz - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Honeybee Member Ascendant
since 1999-12-26
Posts 5372Ontario, CANADA |
"Iced your window My shadow still visible Fade for me, remove this pain Dub me evanescent- And I’ll shimmer for a second. And then I’m gone" _______________________ Okay how the hell can a chick so young be so damn good at emoting/writing?  Once again you impress with your ability...you write beyond your years, and of course I relate to your words again.This is a way cool write...and the ending - double damn! Melissa~ Intellectually I know that Canada is no better than any other country. Emotionally I KNOW that Canada is the best country in the world! |
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Wind
since 2002-10-12
Posts 2981 |
heh..thanks Mel. this is weird because I based this on the word evanescent. I had no idea what it ment, but it was the name of a band I like  so I looked it up. weird? uhh  insanity is not a crime |
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Riley
since 2002-07-18
Posts 1038in the pouring rain |
forever with the music! ya gotta love it! quote: reminds me of the song by *ahem* called bring me back to life..... ahhhh.....i loved this liz...great work riley * the pouring rain kisses my lips with innocence as you look into my eyes * |
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Wind
since 2002-10-12
Posts 2981 |
lol Riley sees right through me heh. Oh well, don't mind, it's a good song wake me up inside (oh..thats were she gets it from?)evanescence..who knew? insanity is not a crime [This message has been edited by Wind (08-02-2003 10:11 PM).] |
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Riley
since 2002-07-18
Posts 1038in the pouring rain |
not me thats for sure.....hey but music is awesome and GOOD CHARLOTTE IS THE BEST!!!!! ri * the pouring rain kisses my lips with innocence as you look into my eyes * |
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Wind
since 2002-10-12
Posts 2981 |
they're okay I like people with worse voices..then I am sure that people don't edit them. heh. hehheh. I'm an idiot  It's okay, I don't mind. (yes..I know evanescence has a nice voice )I have this sudden thing about watching MTV (only the rock vidios) am I the only one that notices that they are all about car crashes? I'm not kidding  Ok..I will stop talkinginsanity is not a crime [This message has been edited by Wind (08-02-2003 10:22 PM).] |
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Riley
since 2002-07-18
Posts 1038in the pouring rain |
lol, benji madden is ooooo, there are not enough words...he is tha BOMB! yea mtv plays some good rock videos haha! lol. but yea...... i think her name be amy...all i know is i cannot get up that high ( how dumb can i be , the original post ( unedited ) i put :sarcastic: lol i am smart )riley and now i will shut up  * the pouring rain kisses my lips with innocence as you look into my eyes * [This message has been edited by Riley (08-02-2003 10:25 PM).] |
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Aenimal Member Rara Avis
since 2002-11-18
Posts 7350the ass-end of space |
Great execution Liz love the slow fade although the last verse written normally is a shock unless thats you're intention I liked the poem fading into nothingness |
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littlewing Member Rara Avis
since 2003-03-02
Posts 9655New York |
exactly my thoughts . . . fading away - an awesome trick I havent seen yet . . . until now xxoo |
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Kaoru
since 2003-06-07
Posts 3892where the wild flowers grow |
Wow.. |
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garysgirl
since 2002-09-29
Posts 19237Florida, USA |
Dub me evanescent- And I’ll shimmer for a second. And then I’m gone Liz, I echo what the others said. You are amazing, little friend of mine.  Hugs  Ethel |
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Wind
since 2002-10-12
Posts 2981 |
thank you guys- isn't my last line always a shock? I can't let it end softly, that wouldn't be me heh insanity is not a crime |
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Riley
since 2002-07-18
Posts 1038in the pouring rain |
 * the pouring rain kisses my lips with innocence as you look into my eyes * |
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Wind
since 2002-10-12
Posts 2981 |
thank you Ri  insanity is not a crime |
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Riley
since 2002-07-18
Posts 1038in the pouring rain |
 .....* the pouring rain kisses my lips with innocence as you look into my eyes * |
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Duncan Member Ascendant
since 2001-08-07
Posts 5455 |
Cool word..."evanescent". Unique, creative (I love it) presentation. And the ending...classic Wind!  (Lemme see if I can get all the brain cells firing in unison this mornin' and I'll drop you a line in a bit). |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
Liz girlie..me thinks its gonna take lot more than that to make your shimmer fade VERY COOL poem...and presentation... waaaay cool. "How could I stand here with you and not be moved by you." |
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inkedgoddess Member Rara Avis
since 2002-11-19
Posts 7392Ohio |
very well done, poetrygirl.......... |
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Enchantress Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113Canada eh. |
My gosh...you write way beyond your years Liz! Very cool write..loved it! ~Summertime hugs, Nancy~ ~The breeze that kissed you on the face, |
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Wind
since 2002-10-12
Posts 2981 |
Thank you guys...lol Dunc, I've seen you here..though you were avoiding me I shall go again insanity is not a crime |
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Duncan Member Ascendant
since 2001-08-07
Posts 5455 |
Now why would I wanna avoid my favorite brat?!?! |
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Ceinwyn Member Elite
since 2000-07-09
Posts 2175VA |
I swore I replied to this...urgh..am I loosing my mind already!? 22 and I'm already senile dang...anyways *smiles and nods* love it..hrm...I can't get more orginal than this today sorry...but I feel it...and how old are you again? haha I'm sure you're tired of hearing this..but you know really age doesn't matter...what we go through is universal...you have such a great talent here...enjoyed! If at first you don't succeed destroy all the evidence that you tried. |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Excellent wording and wonderful presentation... you did say you plan to be an author after you finish school, yes? |
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Nightshade
since 2001-08-31
Posts 13962just out of reach |
You are awesome Wind !! hugs, Chris |
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Dark Angel Member Patricius
since 1999-08-04
Posts 10095 |
Dub me evanescent- And I’ll shimmer for a second. And then I’m gone Fantastic little one...love the way the poem faded into the blue. Maree fate is not just |
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1slick_lady Member Ascendant
since 2000-12-22
Posts 6088standing on a shadow's lace |
i am telling you, you picked the right name...you touch all around...h |
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Earth Angel Member Empyrean
since 2002-08-27
Posts 40215Realms of Light |
"I try vanishing unseen"--great line! One may not be able to see the wind, but like the wind, your presence can be felt and your spunky spirit flows through your pen and into your writing.  Loving hugs, Linda |
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gemjop Member Elite
since 2002-11-18
Posts 2587Pencilveinia, USA |
Gutter flooded, I try walking backwards a desperate hope that I can turn back Sigh. i just love how yer brain works. although i do not dig that song, the womans voice just gets on my assets. But i forgive you. I suppose i like it now, cos it inspired this. I suppose.LibraRY!!!!!!!!!! Instant karma's gonna get you. |
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Wind
since 2002-10-12
Posts 2981 |
hah..you guts whatever Gem... I just started listening to her..I was going to say something smart but I forgot Duncan- you can run but ya can't hide  the niceness can't last too long. (Gem, glad you liked that part- thats my favorite part. I have this thing about walking backwards when I'm depressed ugh.goodbye all insanity is not a crime |
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Riley
since 2002-07-18
Posts 1038in the pouring rain |
* the pouring rain kisses my lips with innocence as you look into my eyes * |
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Wind
since 2002-10-12
Posts 2981 |
lol Riley..you want EVERYONE to see this..don't ya? insanity is not a crime |
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Patricia Member Elite
since 2003-04-06
Posts 2160Missouri |
Dub me evanescent- And I’ll shimmer for a second. And then I’m gone Wind...I could defintely relate to this one. An awesome write you have penned. Patricia |
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eor Senior Member
since 2002-09-26
Posts 959blues & greys |
 "in a past life i was a woodcarver's knife: the sharpend blade of a wood cutter, the eldest son of the chief's brother: a maker of drums" |
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Riley
since 2002-07-18
Posts 1038in the pouring rain |
yes because it be good, and plus i am bored and the bump thang be lookin cool * the pouring rain kisses my lips with innocence as you look into my eyes * |
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gemjop Member Elite
since 2002-11-18
Posts 2587Pencilveinia, USA |
 Instant karma's gonna get you. |
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Wind
since 2002-10-12
Posts 2981 |
insanity is not a crime |
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SharaRose Member Elite
since 2003-07-19
Posts 2501Somewhere out there~ |
WOW!!!...How old are you??? Everytime I read you I feel like I have went into this warp, and found another plane of thinking. Awesome, and amazing. SharaRose @-->-- Of sound, and speech let all lift the hearer! |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
Wind--this is a work of art. I won't quote lines, because the whole is pieced together to fit--all balances like a mobile-- Smile. This is my favorite of yours from you. So far. Outstanding. |
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Midnitesun
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647Gaia |
BRAVO! you are unique evanescent effervescent whatever you positively bubble with originality! |
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El_Campeador Senior Member
since 2003-01-29
Posts 761Ohio, USA |
Another excellent write coming from your pen... “We are all travelers in the wilderness of this world, and the best that we can find in our travels is an honest friend.” –Robert Louis Stevenson |
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Sudhir Iyer Member Ascendant
since 2000-04-26
Posts 6943Mumbai, India : now in Belgium |
Beautifully penned... loved the write... regards sudhir |
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Wind
since 2002-10-12
Posts 2981 |
thanks everyone..oh my, this must be my record or something insanity is not a crime |
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Riley
since 2002-07-18
Posts 1038in the pouring rain |
:records record in a record recording book: riley * the pouring rain kisses my lips with innocence as you look into my eyes * |
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