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Open Poetry #27
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Goodknight
Member Elite
since 2002-06-15
Posts 2386
Ohio, USA

0 posted 2003-07-28 05:16 PM



The sky touched the mountain where we tread
An early start and with some dread
Finished sun crept over the peak
The path sent up the mountain
The climbers stepped the path
The wind careened off the clouds
Rocks grew and blocked paths
Flowers stood along the path
Night started the climb
Fog caressed the keyhole
Breath gasped and feet cried
Small lights found the path
Three climbed and searched
Light imagined the mountain
Time held us and showed the way
Days end breathless and bent
Soft victory
Emotions spent
Life’s thrill and family deed
Softening light meeting a need


© Copyright 2003 Paul Tofte - All Rights Reserved
Enchantress
Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113
Canada eh.
1 posted 2003-07-28 05:19 PM


Paul...this is fantastic!
I felt as though I were part of the party climbing this mountain.
Extremely well done and so good to read you again!!!
~Smiles & Hugs, Nancy~

~The breeze that kissed you on the face,
    Has held me in the same embrace~

Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049
California
2 posted 2003-07-28 05:42 PM


Hi Paul

"Light imagined the mountain
Time held us and showed the way"

I love those lines...sounds like you had a great experience.  Thanks for sharing it with this poem.  I hope you took pictures?



Suetang
Member Ascendant
since 2001-03-07
Posts 5187
Melbourne, Australia
3 posted 2003-07-28 07:10 PM


Hello Paul

So many wonderful images were portrayed through your words which were so very much enjoyed.  It's so nice to see you here again, I have missed your smiling face.  I haven't been posting much lately as I have been busy with other things in my life so my writing has had to take a back seat.  I hope you are well.

Take care......Sue

I am in motion
I am blue
Love is an ocean
I'm anchored in you
- Shawn Mullins

passing shadows
Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577
displaced
4 posted 2003-07-29 04:27 AM


what a scene you painted...I felt like I was there...and want to go back
Goodknight
Member Elite
since 2002-06-15
Posts 2386
Ohio, USA
5 posted 2003-07-29 11:13 AM


Thanks everyone for your comments - it was a special time for me my son and his wife as we climb Longs Peak in Rocky Mountain State Park in CO.  We made it to the keyhole and the fog turned us away then.  Amazing time and it is a very special place - thansk again for reading and commenting on my pome - Paul
catalinamoon
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-03
Posts 9543
The Shores of Alone
6 posted 2003-07-29 04:14 PM


Sounds beautiful. Nice to see you.
Sandra

Ratleader
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Rara Avis
since 2003-01-23
Posts 7026
Visiting Earth on a Guest Pass
7 posted 2003-08-01 12:36 PM


Sitting here sipping the almost-last of this bottle of Old South wine, and trying to think which part of this poem hit me the hardest....

Imagery, I think -- there's real meat here, genuine creativity in the imagery...things like

"The wind careened off the clouds
Rocks grew and blocked paths"

and

"Fog caressed the keyhole
Breath gasped and feet cried"

That's about as good as imagery gets, anywhere, any time. Well done, Paul -- you really nailed this one.

~~(¸¸¸¸ºº>   ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº>  ~~(¸¸ ¸¸ºº>    ~~~(¸¸ER¸¸ºº>
______________Ratleader______________

angelblueyes
Member Elite
since 2003-07-19
Posts 2148
Oklahoma
8 posted 2003-08-01 12:46 PM


I so enjoyed the images you gave and the flow of your words.I could've been right beside you.
angelblueyes

x8x_bigmike
Member
since 2003-07-08
Posts 130
California, USA
9 posted 2003-08-01 12:48 PM


Time held us and showed the way
Days end breathless and bent
Soft victory

________-

Great imagery...soft victory, emotional resonance.

Mike

_____________________________
my email is bigmike@peakpool.com
, feel free to write

suthern
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Seraphic
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723
Louisiana
10 posted 2003-08-01 06:24 AM


The dread was justified. *S* One of my friends... the father of my best friend in college who became my friend in his own right... fell from Longs Peak.

But what a place of beauty and awe it is...

Flowers stood along the path
Night started the climb
Fog caressed the keyhole
Breath gasped and feet cried
Small lights found the path

I'm so glad you and yours came home safely to share this with us. Excellent write!

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