To write....To dream...To desire...To be Realized

How to Join	Member's Area	Private Library	Search	Sanctuary		Login
Main Forums	Discussion	Tech Talk	Mature Content	Archives	A home without a wall, Our haven without ends, A circle we all call Our Family of Friends!

x8x_bigmike
Member

since 2003-07-08

Posts 130
California, USA

0 posted 2003-07-18 08:38 PM

Any response is great..I just want to grow and discover my voice...every comment helps me so much...while I just started writing maybe 2 or 3 weeks ago, I think I can make it if I work hard and ask for the most honest criticism. Thanks for everyone who does respond, and thanks to everyone who has inspired me to respond,

Mike
_______________________________________
Under Pinero's tenement skies
I find myself in scribble
through late nights
detergent pens,
and blacklights
i write to become realized,
for the bars and broken cookies jars on the floor of my block remind me
i still have to be chameleon
while i find solace in all you poets,
the dudes on my block with glocks that jam,
and the 22 shots that ringout and slam
will never let me ride as a poet if they new the flip side
of my shaved head and hot hate eye.

but within,
memories stack like bodies
so my pen becomes the priest
giving last rights
while patients properly named
Insecurity
Betrayal
Hate
Passion
await
freedom

under Pinero's tenemant sky.
still I
Close my eyes,
and dream the day
Lico becomes Miguel
when survival lies become obsolete
when u can stand on the street
and stair at me atop a high rise
realized

[This message has been edited by x8x_bigmike (07-18-2003 09:23 PM).]

Martie

Moderator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-09-21

Posts 28049
California

1 posted 2003-07-18 11:14 PM

Mike...it's hard to believe you just started writing poetry...you express yourself so well. I'm really impressed with this...having lived in the LA area for a long time...it sounds familiar...although there are so many faces to the landscape. Great emotive and descriptive writing...much enjoyed!

QjQ
Member Elite

since 2003-04-18

Posts 3756
U.S.A.

2 posted 2003-07-18 11:40 PM

nice reading and written well,,,,,

A voice of honesty
   is treasured
more than voices
   of flattery
      QjQ

scorpio
Member Ascendant

since 2002-10-02

Posts 5178
right...there

3 posted 2003-07-18 11:45 PM

I like your presentation...well done..

believe in what your heart feels...

Enchantress
Member Empyrean

since 2001-08-14

Posts 35113
Canada eh.

4 posted 2003-07-18 11:51 PM

Popping this gem into my library for another read later.
Excellent write.
~Smiles & Hugs, Nancy~

~ I've loved you forever, in lifetimes before ~

Earth Angel
Member Empyrean

since 2002-08-27

Posts 40215
Realms of Light

5 posted 2003-07-19 01:20 AM

Mike, take a bow! Your creative side is blooming into a beauteous rose! This is downright impressive!--and you are new at writing poetry?!? You must have a special kind of ink in that pen of yours! This piece packed a punch with its graphic descriptions.

Warm hugs and a smile,
EA

Roniece Dawson-Bruce
Member Ascendant

since 2000-01-29

Posts 5689
Sydney, Australia

6 posted 2003-07-19 01:23 AM

Mike: this is a wonderful write - I like your style

keep them coming because I will definitely keep reading them - Bravo Bello! Roniece Dawson-Bruce

garysgirl

Member Laureate

since 2002-09-29

Posts 19237
Florida, USA

7 posted 2003-07-19 09:15 AM

but within,
memories stack like bodies
so my pen becomes the priest
giving last rights
while patients properly named
Insecurity
Betrayal
Hate
Passion
await
freedom

Mike, that's what writing is all about...letting out our inner feelings....writing our hearts. It's hard to believe that you just started writing. This is so well done. You certainly do have a lot of talent, Sir Poet.

Hugs

Ethel

Kahlil
Senior Member

since 2003-04-12

Posts 1881

8 posted 2003-07-19 10:49 AM

amazing! I've read it many times, and I like your style.

	⇧ top of page ⇧
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.