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JaiOfHeaven
Member

since 2003-04-12

Posts 207
California, Usa

0 posted 2003-07-18 03:07 AM

Minds intercept waves of unity.
Roaming buffalo surfing one instinct.
Blink
The face that you could drink
look to rest out of misery

My heart does cry
soft crying
relying on you that flys away.
today
no matter what I'd wish your stay
to sway
In arms that draw out play

I pray
you smile
our flesh defiles
the way you move can make me wild

spirits..
you'd be my dearest
love
from up above
I'd hold you tight
just right
you feed me light.

Dove
make my heart tug
memories splice
Divide
Ice
cold...then you entice
it feels nice

Jo
you glow
slow
realize behold...
eyes
maximize
energize
will
to kill lonliness
take the red pill

Best-friend
undone
no fun
be the only one
hun...

Red
blood instead
Heart dead
Unfed
Arms naked
no bed
Love your spirit I said.

A Romantic Heart
Member Ascendant

since 1999-09-03

Posts 5496
Forever In Your Heart

1 posted 2003-07-18 03:12 AM

Beautiful!!!!!

~Thanks ~ARH

passing shadows
Member Empyrean

since 1999-08-26

Posts 45577
displaced

2 posted 2003-07-18 03:12 AM

Jai, this is awesome...love the formatting, wonderful job on the pauses and breaks, one-word lines make the reader stop to think...

take the red pill, yeah, I think we all got a red pill

good ending, sad but good

overall the poem made me think of things I have been rolling over and over in my mind already, but you knew that, didn't you?

[This message has been edited by passing shadows (07-18-2003 03:13 AM).]

timothysangel1973

Senior Member

since 2001-12-03

Posts 1725
Never close enough

3 posted 2003-07-18 03:21 AM

Wonderful write Jai!

Absolutely love the stylings of your lines, and words here.

Good job!

JaiOfHeaven
Member

since 2003-04-12

Posts 207
California, Usa

4 posted 2003-07-18 03:45 AM

Thanks ARH...Shadow..Tim.
I appreciate your comments and Shadow..
Yea I knew.
Which is why I wanted to share it with you.

Jai

Peter J Marcroft
Member

since 2003-02-02

Posts 265
York, England

5 posted 2003-07-18 04:12 AM

INteresting tale, the time changes in the rhythm make it very unusual, which is good.

QjQ
Member Elite

since 2003-04-18

Posts 3756
U.S.A.

6 posted 2003-07-18 04:52 AM

absolutely a terrific write n read,,,

A voice of honesty
   is treasured
more than voices
   of flattery
      QjQ

Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean

since 1999-07-07

Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla

7 posted 2003-07-18 07:30 AM

Jai,
This is no tip toe through the tulips but a dash. Well done enjoyed.

x8x_bigmike
Member

since 2003-07-08

Posts 130
California, USA

8 posted 2003-07-18 07:41 AM

Blink
The face that you could drink
look to rest out of misery
_________

Great stuff
good stuff

Mike

nakdthoughts
Member Laureate

since 2000-10-29

Posts 19200
Between the Lines

9 posted 2003-07-18 09:54 AM

thank you Kai for sending me to read *s
I enjoy the unusual format and feel in a way, at times we are meaning the same.

M

JaiOfHeaven
Member

since 2003-04-12

Posts 207
California, Usa

10 posted 2003-07-18 04:10 PM

Thanks for reading all.
Your comments have encouraged me to continue
experimenting.
appreciate it.

Jai

[This message has been edited by JaiOfHeaven (07-18-2003 04:11 PM).]

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