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Open Poetry #27
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Soleil Noir
Senior Member
since 2001-12-19
Posts 688
USA

0 posted 2003-07-16 10:19 AM



I was tic’d
that you wouldn’t talk

time stood too still

I felt
grains rush away
with the tide
beneath my feet

I talked
but you stayed tic’d

waves hushed their roar
seagulls fed
upon my words
as they floated with flotsam

Sometimes
summers end
in more than sunsets

and red sunsets
stay burned behind blue irises

© Copyright 2003 Soleil Noir - All Rights Reserved
Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla
1 posted 2003-07-16 10:33 AM


Soleil Noir
Very good, enjoyed.

wranx
Member Elite
since 2002-06-07
Posts 3689
Moved from a shack to a barn
2 posted 2003-07-16 10:33 AM


Very nice, very!
But, *chuckling* it seems to me that Sunshine, not me, was the food that fed your muse

[This message has been edited by wranx (07-16-2003 01:00 PM).]

garysgirl
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Laureate
since 2002-09-29
Posts 19237
Florida, USA
3 posted 2003-07-16 10:40 AM


Soleil, this was very good writing.
I enjoyed reading.  
Hugs  
Ethel

Soleil Noir
Senior Member
since 2001-12-19
Posts 688
USA
4 posted 2003-07-16 10:40 AM


Thank you, Sy...

and Wranx...nah - it was you that took me beyond what Sun had to say...

thanks so much for coming in!

[This message has been edited by Soleil Noir (07-16-2003 11:27 AM).]

Soleil Noir
Senior Member
since 2001-12-19
Posts 688
USA
5 posted 2003-07-16 10:42 AM


Ethel, you snuck in on me.  Thank you.  Every once in a while, we need to vent.  But now I'm off to play the day away.  Thank you!
BluesSerenade
Member Patricius
since 2001-10-23
Posts 10549
By the Seaside
6 posted 2003-07-17 11:10 PM


Sometimes
summers end
in more than sunsets  

Nothing remains the same, what has come is gone, it's just a different sunset that varies in shades and hues.

  Enjoyed your gentle vent Soleil~

Enchantress
Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113
Canada eh.
7 posted 2003-07-17 11:13 PM


Soleil~You have the most beautiful way of venting.
Beautifully written.
~Hugs~

~ I've loved you forever, in lifetimes before ~

vlraynes
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-25
Posts 8229
Somewhere... out there...
8 posted 2003-07-17 11:19 PM



Wow...I love this!

This...

"I was tic’d
that you wouldn’t talk"

Enjoyed that little play on words.

And this...

"waves hushed their roar
seagulls fed
upon my words
as they floated with flotsam

Sometimes
summers end
in more than sunsets

and red sunsets
stay burned behind blue irises"


Some WAY cool lines in there, lady.
Definitely one of my favorites of yours.
Hugs to you, friend...

"So here I am with pockets full of good intentions
But none of them will comfort me tonight..." ~Carpenters

passing shadows
Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577
displaced
9 posted 2003-07-18 03:23 AM


awesome write, incredible ending
Soleil Noir
Senior Member
since 2001-12-19
Posts 688
USA
10 posted 2003-07-18 10:46 AM


Venting comes in all forms, Blues...I prefer the quieter vent - which always seems to sound a little more trecherous than a screaming one...don't you agree?

Thank you Enchantress...see above!  LOL...

Vicky - glad you picked up on the word play.  The poem is not quite as I would have liked it - not sure what it is missing, but there's a piece out there somewhere...

Dixie - thank you!

Patricia
Member Elite
since 2003-04-06
Posts 2160
Missouri
11 posted 2003-07-18 10:49 AM


Sometimes
summers end
in more than sunsets

and red sunsets
stay burned behind blue irises

Yes, you do vent softly and beautifully.  I have not mastered such venting in my poetry. I continue to remain gritty...too much so.  

The red sunset of marriage had burnt my perception of the world in what I saw before me.  However, with time, I am learning to see things differently- on my terms. And it feels good.

A wonderful write,
Patricia  

Soleil Noir
Senior Member
since 2001-12-19
Posts 688
USA
12 posted 2003-07-18 10:51 AM


Patricia!  So good to see you.  Thank you for reading - and understanding that a quiet voice and big pencil go a long way...
vandana
Deputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Patricius
since 1999-10-22
Posts 10463
USA
13 posted 2003-07-20 04:44 PM


enjoyed
Earth Angel
Member Empyrean
since 2002-08-27
Posts 40215
Realms of Light
14 posted 2003-07-20 06:54 PM


"sea gulls fed
upon my words
as they floated with flotsam"

Great lines! Really! Visually and metaphorically!

Love and Light,
EA

Etain
Member
since 2003-02-22
Posts 92
The moon...
15 posted 2003-07-20 06:58 PM


Beautiful imagery
expressed in a musical way.
I like it.
Love,
Etain.

Nightshade
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Patricius
since 2001-08-31
Posts 13962
just out of reach
16 posted 2003-07-20 07:00 PM


Remarkable write Soleil. I believe I have experienced this myself a time or two. hugs, Chris

"At one glance
I love you
With a thousand hearts."


— Mihri Hatun, Turkish poet  

    

Duncan
Member Ascendant
since 2001-08-07
Posts 5455

17 posted 2003-07-20 07:11 PM


"Sometimes
summers end
in more than sunsets

and red sunsets
stay burned behind blue irises"

Damn I love strong endings.  Nice write Soleil!  

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