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Open Poetry #27
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Freinds: The Memories Of The Past
| Open Poetry #27 |
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Freinds: The Memories Of The Past |
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RedStoneEB Senior Member
since 2003-06-08
Posts 772uk 
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Friends: the memories of the past Friends, abandoning each other’s side Moving on into the unknown world alone Growing older, time together growing shorter Yet still, sharing experiences Of a time, gone and past Holding onto the memories Of happiness, they once had Where they danced, by riversides In golden fields, skin brushed against knee high grass As they lay, from cover of preying eyes The sound of pressed grass, against the floors Footsteps growing nearer, to where they laid Playing, the game of hide and seek Awoken, moment the hands touched flesh Threw back into the real world, the game drawn to an end Wide-eyed staring, in darkness they laid Past life, now turned to present day The deaths of childhood friends Reconnected, thoughts turn to tears As grief reappears, deep down within The tears form a puddle of thoughts, leaked upon the floor Slowing seizing with it, the memories of the past Away for the holder, whose closed-eyed body Rots away to dust, and soul travels to heaven above Angels await, the arrival of this troubled soul As the pearly gates open, childhood friends rejoin And the troubles of this soul fade from sight Happiness flowing once again, as its memories set free Finally die away, flowing back to dreams forever lost… [This message has been edited by RedStoneEB (07-15-2003 08:02 AM).] |
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| © Copyright 2003 Lee Hepworth - All Rights Reserved | |||
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BluesSerenade Member Patricius
since 2001-10-23
Posts 10549By the Seaside |
Past lifes, Now turned to present day The deaths of childhood friends Flowing, Thoughts turn to tears As pain sours, Deep down within Thank you for enlightening the memories of those who's youth was so fleeting, and whom I never will forget. Bless you for passing this along~ |
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RedStoneEB Senior Member
since 2003-06-08
Posts 772uk |
Thanks for the reply an other forum replied to that as a beginner poem, no insight, no vision, can't spell, has problems relating his words into imagery form, and overall this is very badly written poem my mind is like a dream sometimes confusing |
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El_Campeador Senior Member
since 2003-01-29
Posts 761Ohio, USA |
I have many of those bittersweet memories of friendships lost. And I look forward to when our friendships will live again. One thing I've been thinking about poetry: it is really hard to claim that a poem is "bad". If a poem isn't special to you, maybe there is someone else who can relate to it, whose heart is touched by it. There is poetry that may struggle in ways, like the rhyming or imagery is forced or unclear, or you couldn't quite bring your idea forward the way you wanted to, but I have a hard time seeing how anyone can declare a poem to be no good. Keep writing. You get better the more you write. ~El Campeador “We are all travelers in the wilderness of this world, and the best that we can find in our travels is an honest friend.” –Robert Louis Stevenson [This message has been edited by El_Campeador (07-15-2003 08:01 AM).] |
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gemjop Member Elite
since 2002-11-18
Posts 2587Pencilveinia, USA |
Where they danced, by riversides In golden fields, skin brushed against knee high grass As they lay, from cover of preying eyes Lee, your poetry is coming on very well, so don't take the criticism to heart, and take any good advice they offer. I liked this in particular.^ you are definately becoming more descriptive with your words, painting more detailed pictures. Keep on working hard at it, and prove them wrong.  |
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LeeJ Member Patricius
since 2003-06-19
Posts 13296 |
Yet still, sharing experiences Of a time, gone and past Holding onto the memories Of happiness, they once had Your write made me wonder about the brilliance and power of an unknown source which feeds us regularly in the ups and downs of life...and the great purpose to which has brought us to this day. Tremendous write |
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