I Wonder..........repost and revised

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inkedgoddess
Member Rara Avis

since 2002-11-19

Posts 7392
Ohio

0 posted 2003-07-12 11:58 PM

Something made me look up,

on this ordinary day,
of industrial grey
and motionless skies,

hypnotic in its emptiness,
the fog now lifted
by your sudden caress,

when i felt you
as the lone bird flew,

shattering
this frozen
loneliness,

and i wonder

if you felt me too,

felt my love then,

enter you?

*i hope you are looking, r.*

[This message has been edited by inkedgoddess (07-13-2003 04:01 PM).]

x8x_bigmike
Member

since 2003-07-08

Posts 130
California, USA

1 posted 2003-07-13 12:00 PM

I thought it was great...only thing i would think about is the last 2 lines and your placement of the commas. You have this great image but it might get clogged in the commas around ",then,"... again great job

littlewing
Member Rara Avis

since 2003-03-02

Posts 9655
New York

2 posted 2003-07-13 02:47 AM

Oh Michele- I am sure he is and has indeed
This is lovely . . .
xxoo

passing shadows
Member Empyrean

since 1999-08-26

Posts 45577
displaced

3 posted 2003-07-13 03:04 AM

it happens that way sometimes, kinda creepy, but then you smile

Temptress

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 1999-06-15

Posts 7136
Mobile, AL

4 posted 2003-07-13 03:16 AM

I am hoping this for someone right now...
Lovely

Late at night you'll come crawling back
Just to steal a piece of me

"Default"

Local Rebel
Member Ascendant

since 1999-12-21

Posts 5767
Southern Abstentia

5 posted 2003-07-13 12:57 PM

yes it makes us wonder sometimes doesn't it?

hoping your moment was reciprocal

Don't tell me to get a life -- I have one on backorder.

Kaoru

Member Elite

since 2003-06-07

Posts 3892
where the wild flowers grow

6 posted 2003-07-13 01:57 PM

Wonderful!

garysgirl

Member Laureate

since 2002-09-29

Posts 19237
Florida, USA

7 posted 2003-07-13 02:15 PM

*i hope you are looking, r.*

I hope he was, Michele.

Jennis#1
Member

since 2003-07-08

Posts 112
IL, Usa

8 posted 2003-07-13 02:16 PM

great poem. please visit my poems called austism poems.

thanks

Jenn

Midnitesun

Member Empyrean

since 2001-05-18

Posts 28647
Gaia

9 posted 2003-07-13 02:21 PM

smiling here
I didn't see this one before posting my I wonder poem just now
HEHE
Q...
are we both wandering wonderers?

dreambuilder
Member

since 2003-03-23

Posts 319
caddyshack

10 posted 2003-07-14 12:28 PM

These lines had special meaning for me
thanks for bringing back the memories
--------------------------------------------

hypnotic in its emptiness,
the fog now lifted
by your sudden caress

when i felt you
as the lone bird flew,

shattering
this frozen
loneliness,

and i wonder

if you felt me too,

felt my love then,

enter you?

--------------------------------------------

well I almost copied the whole thing
what an awesome right - its beautiful
I am sure it was both felt & seen

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