Squall Of Eyes (A duet with Riley)

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Cpat Hair

Member Patricius

since 2001-06-05

Posts 11793

0 posted 2003-07-11 10:49 AM

droplets of rain pour down over scarlet eyes
shielding a body full of hatred and deciet
from the full scrutiny of all of those
who in empty shells of self and lies walk around me
with tears held behind prettier faces
staring blank,living without souls, one side in prevail
the other in destitution, cowering in the corner
of love failed amongst the shadows that were hope.

clouds fail to commit in lowering their breath
as storms of denial linger on the break of me
and I pray for a deluge of rain to cover my own
vacant eyed shell and wash from me the grime of their eyes
when their glances back at me tell of the tears that came
but have now gone, washed away with yesterdays.

calm and free,my walk continues in silence
head bent as tomorrow breaks cobwebbed strands of you
and leaves me dangling.

Wind

Member Elite

since 2002-10-12

Posts 2981

1 posted 2003-07-11 10:50 AM

That goes to my library for sure. So you and the bunny finaly got it done? And it was great.

If art is still inside, I feel it
-Aaron Lewes

Earth Angel
Member Empyrean

since 2002-08-27

Posts 40215
Realms of Light

2 posted 2003-07-11 11:00 AM

"calm and free"---keep that thought!

"my walk continues in silence"--but not for long--for you have too many poetic and profound thoughts to share.

EA

Patricia
Member Elite

since 2003-04-06

Posts 2160
Missouri

3 posted 2003-07-11 11:13 AM

This piece has left me in my own silence. Excellent work!

Patricia

inkedgoddess
Member Rara Avis

since 2002-11-19

Posts 7392
Ohio

4 posted 2003-07-11 11:17 AM

EVERYBODY HURTS.
you've spoken of this truth well

suthern

Member Seraphic

since 1999-07-29

Posts 20723
Louisiana

5 posted 2003-07-11 12:20 PM

cowering in the corner
of love failed amongst the shadows that were hope.

An amazing image... one of many in this excellent work. *S*

Martie

Moderator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-09-21

Posts 28049
California

6 posted 2003-07-11 01:07 PM

cpat and Riley...suthern picked my favorite part. Lots of feeling in this, much enjoyed!

Cpat Hair

Member Patricius

since 2001-06-05

Posts 11793

7 posted 2003-07-11 02:01 PM

thanks you all.. this is the result of Serenity's challenge and thread about dream duets. Riley wrote most of this...as usual I just followed along, edited and let her do her magic... pretty smart kid.... for being a bunny... lol

thanks riley for indulging me and taking the time to write this with me... I enjoyed!

LeeJ
Member Patricius

since 2003-06-19

Posts 13296

8 posted 2003-07-11 02:09 PM

awesome write

scorpio
Member Ascendant

since 2002-10-02

Posts 5178
right...there

9 posted 2003-07-11 02:41 PM

A great combined effort...much enjoyed..

believe in what your heart feels...

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean

since 2000-02-02

Posts 27738

10 posted 2003-07-11 03:12 PM

Wow.

This read like a storyboard for a blackmetal video.

Intense duet, you two!

Dark Angel
Member Patricius

since 1999-08-04

Posts 10095

11 posted 2003-07-11 05:39 PM

Oh fantastic! Well done on a fabulously penned duet.

Adding to my library.

Maree

fate is not just
whose cooking smells good
but which way the wind blows

(Ani DiFranco)

Enchantress
Member Empyrean

since 2001-08-14

Posts 35113
Canada eh.

12 posted 2003-07-11 05:42 PM

Extremely well done you two!
Hope to see another duet from you soon!
~Smiles & Hugs to you both, Nancy~

~If you haven't heard the sunset,
you haven't been listening.~

Riley

Senior Member

since 2002-07-18

Posts 1038
in the pouring rain

13 posted 2003-07-11 05:57 PM

wow, i didn't know it was going to be this big of a "hit". and i am proud to be a bunny, who is in need of contacts btw. thanks to all of you for the replies....

luv,
da bunny

*the bloody tide comes in on the shore, time after time*

Wind

Member Elite

since 2002-10-12

Posts 2981

14 posted 2003-07-11 05:58 PM

Yeah bunny...he wants me to duet with DUNCAN. Can you believe it? Me and the slacker? I still love your poem guys.

If art is still inside, I feel it
-Aaron Lewes

wranx
Member Elite

since 2002-06-07

Posts 3689
Moved from a shack to a barn

15 posted 2003-07-12 11:18 AM

Reads smooth but with a bite, kinda like Makers Mark.

I enjoyed this Riley/Ron

Janet Marie
Member Laureate

since 2000-01-22

Posts 18554

16 posted 2003-07-12 04:14 PM

droplets of rain pour down over scarlet eyes
shielding a body full of hatred and deciet
from the full scrutiny of all of those
who in empty shells of self and lies walk around me
with tears held behind prettier faces
===========================
clouds fail to commit in lowering their breath
as storms of denial linger on the break of me
and I pray for a deluge of rain to cover my own
vacant eyed shell and wash from me the grime of their eyes
when their glances back at me tell of the tears that came
but have now gone, washed away with yesterdays.

calm and free,my walk continues in silence
head bent as tomorrow breaks cobwebbed strands of you
and leaves me dangling.
===============================

there are so many impressive lines, personifications, metaphors and images in this its hard to pick....such a powerful stark, vivid write. You two write very well together. Excellent duet effort...well done poets.

Well ... OK ... but you have to wash it first.

(bumper sticker humor) ;)

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