»
Archives
»
Open Poetry #27
»
In My Neighbourhood(horribly rough draft)
| Open Poetry #27 |
|
In My Neighbourhood(horribly rough draft) |
|
|
Aenimal Member Rara Avis
since 2002-11-18
Posts 7350the ass-end of space 
|
****This one just isn't getting where I want it to be but I thought I'd post it anyway. I sometimes post crap so i can look at it later, get angry and improve it or write something better because of it. I'm working on a series focusing on the old neighbourhood and thought I'd throw this out as i hammer out the rest..**** I can feel them judge me as I tell them of my past and when they do I remember people telling me I should have turned the other cheek as I iced the bruised one jiggling my teeth to see if any had been knocked loose As if I'd had a choice I wonder how many of them had ever known the feeling of a stomach tightening in the circling of the crowd a mob whose eyes and chants demanded blood and the need to deliver it as a matter of pride as a matter of respect Had they ever known the feel of flesh giving beneath their fists in a sickening thud a sound that Hollywood never gets quite right or the almost euphoric feel of a concussion setting in as your head's repeatedly smashed against the pavement I known all these things and NO, I'm not proud of them but it's because of them that I can still get up every morning and face the things I've had to face within and without and survive But still they judge slight edit [This message has been edited by Aenimal (07-07-2003 10:10 AM).] |
||
| © Copyright 2003 raphael giuffrida - All Rights Reserved | |||
Midnitesun
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647Gaia |
 I knew I would love this series. Gutsy, raw, honest. Straight from the street. |
||
|
littlewing Member Rara Avis
since 2003-03-02
Posts 9655New York |
Raph, had my bell rung twice . . . seriously awesome writing here . . . as it always is You put me right there . . . the street is the law . . . here it is keep 'em coming please xxoo note: please remove that bit about posting crap. This is amazing. [This message has been edited by littlewing (07-07-2003 12:45 AM).] |
||
|
suthern
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723Louisiana |
I can feel them judge me as I tell them of my past Different neighborhood, different time, different circumstances... and yet I'm sucker-punched by the sameness... and applaud the survival. I also applaud the write... nothing less than excellence here. And however long it takes, there will someday be someone whose only judgement is open arms. *S* |
||
|
Ceinwyn Member Elite
since 2000-07-09
Posts 2175VA |
For real I'm with Sue on this one....Don't make us come up there  If at first you don't succeed destroy all the evidence that you tried. |
||
|
gemjop Member Elite
since 2002-11-18
Posts 2587Pencilveinia, USA |
Had they ever known the feel of flesh giving beneath their fists in a sickening thud a sound that Hollywood never gets quite right or the almost euphoric feel of a concussion setting in as your head's repeatedly smashed against the pavement i dont have words, for this, you're king raph, what can i say? never leave us. stunning, stunning, raw, bleeding.  |
||
|
Wind
since 2002-10-12
Posts 2981 |
you never post crap, Raph. The scum on your shoes is probably better than what many people write  I did catch a few gramatical errors, but I'll let you find them(it's red and the poem is still good) I said I'm going to buy a gun and start a war, |
||
|
Seymour Tabin Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720Tamarac Fla |
Aenimal They will always judge and we will always feel, enjoyed. |
||
|
Aenimal Member Rara Avis
since 2002-11-18
Posts 7350the ass-end of space |
Thanks Kacy hopefully the rest will work out better Sue thanks but after a few rewrites this one just will not work for me the way i want it to suthern the scary thing is i know of worse neighbourhoods and I thin most ghettoes in some states would make what i grew up in look like club med thanks Kris Gem thanks yer a doll Thanks Liz like i said rough draft i'll take a closer look later grin Thanks Sy appreciate it |
||
garysgirl 
since 2002-09-29
Posts 19237Florida, USA |
I can feel them judge me as I tell them of my past I know this very well, Raph. And this..... But still they judge is even now. People have a tendency to judge the ways that they don't understand....even when it's none of their business!! Wow, you struck a cord with me this morning. That's one reason I like to read your stuff so much...you write about things that I don't have the courage to write about. Hugs to you, my friend  Ethel [This message has been edited by garysgirl (07-07-2003 10:20 AM).] |
||
Greeneyes
since 2000-09-09
Posts 9903In Your Poetic Mind |
raw emotion....indeed a seriously amazing write....:0 Lauren~ Through the darkness |
||
|
Aenimal Member Rara Avis
since 2002-11-18
Posts 7350the ass-end of space |
Ethel you have the courage to write about love openly and emotionally something i can't so there..we're even lol Thanks Lauren yer all too sweet |
||
|
littlewing Member Rara Avis
since 2003-03-02
Posts 9655New York |
yw . . . I know what that feels like but I think it is perfect in its execution xxoo |
||
|
dreambuilder Member
since 2003-03-23
Posts 319caddyshack |
judgements heal slower than physical wounds as judgements come from those we thought might care I know the pain of both the onlything I think can hurt worse is a broken heart since it came from the ones we loved |
||
|
Aenimal Member Rara Avis
since 2002-11-18
Posts 7350the ass-end of space |
Thanks Sue xxxx dream you mean to tell me there's such a thing as a heart intact? |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
