Meaningless Dreams(Please tell me what ya think)

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Albino_Jenn
Member

since 2003-03-03

Posts 105
Ontario, Canada

0 posted 2003-07-05 03:38 PM

Your dreams are moving forward
While your life is standing still
All the things you hoped for
Leaves a hole you cannot fill,
The one thing you were proud of
That you thought you’d always do
Now seems so far from happiness
Forget all that you knew.
In the blink of an eye
Your dreams can be shattered
Your hopes for the future
Were all that mattered.
With everything you wanted
Gone down the drain
You have nothing to wish for
You’re left with all the pain
Whoever said life was easy
Never truly felt sorrow
How can they pass judgement
On a world based upon tomorrow.
One false move
And your life is constant misery
All you ever lived for
Will turn to hurt and fury
Your dreams, they will not wait
They are slipping slowly away
You have lost what life is about
Your hearts emotions are at play
One day, and your life is over
It’s time to pick up the pieces
Start all over again
As your meaning slowly ceases

**It's better to be hated for who you are, than loved for who you are not**

[This message has been edited by Albino_Jenn (07-05-2003 07:32 PM).]

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

1 posted 2003-07-05 07:24 PM

Jenn...you've got a great poem in the making. Spelling helps so much in sharing with others what you really mean. For example...I've added a few minor edits to your poem that you might want to consider...

Your dreams are moving forward
While your life is standing still
All the things you hoped for
Leaves a hole you cannot fill,
The one thing you were proud of
That you thought you’d always do
Now seems so far from happiness
Forget all that you knew.
In the blink of an eye
Your dreams can be shattered
Your hopes for the future
Were all that mattered.
With everything you wanted
Gone down the drain
You have nothing to wish for
You’re left with all the pain
Whoever said life was easy
Never truly felt sorrow
How can they pass judgement
On a world based upon tomorrow.
One false move
And your life is constant misery
All you ever lived for
Will turn to hurt and fury
Your dreams, they will not wait
They are slipping slowly away
You have lost what life is about
Your hearts emotions are at play
One day, and your life is over
It’s time to pick up the pieces
Start all over again
As your meaning slowly ceases

~*~

Just a few minor corrections, and no one stumbles over the poetry of this piece. And of the peace, and wisdom, of the poetry...

Thank you.

Margherita
Member Seraphic

since 2003-02-08

Posts 22236
Eternity

2 posted 2003-07-05 08:21 PM

This is beautiful and I love how you end it. Still, dreams keep us going when life is tough.
Love, Margherita

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