»
Archives
»
Open Poetry #27
»
When you wake up
| Open Poetry #27 |
|
When you wake up |
|
Wind
since 2002-10-12
Posts 2981
|
When you wake up, I’ll be gone, Wait all you want, I won’t come home, I’ve left you with the break of dawn, When you wake up, I’ll be gone, My shadows linger as you yawn, I’ll miss your face, all skin and bone, When you wake up, I’ll be gone, Wait all you want, I won’t come home. I said I'm going to buy a gun and start a war, |
||
| © Copyright 2003 Liz - All Rights Reserved | |||
|
BluesSerenade Member Patricius
since 2001-10-23
Posts 10549By the Seaside |
You gotta do what you gotta do. The finality in your words left me feeling sad.  Nicely done Wind~ |
||
Nightshade
since 2001-08-31
Posts 13962just out of reach |
This is sad Wind. Is everything okay? Hope so. hugs, Chris "Said you'd give me light... |
||
|
Wind
since 2002-10-12
Posts 2981 |
you guys know.. it's just the way I write. I hope it doesn't bother people... I said I'm going to buy a gun and start a war, |
||
garysgirl
since 2002-09-29
Posts 19237Florida, USA |
Liz, I like the way you wrote this. It was kind of like a song, as I read it. I am glad to know that it's not written from personal experience, though. Hugs  Ethel |
||
|
Aenimal Member Rara Avis
since 2002-11-18
Posts 7350the ass-end of space |
Awesome writing Liz |
||
|
Wind
since 2002-10-12
Posts 2981 |
Actualy, it's called a triolet. Thought I'd take a break from my 'normal' writing style I said I'm going to buy a gun and start a war, |
||
|
serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
I recognized the form ,Wind, and I liked that you didn't play into that old game of feeling like you need to write "olde english" to utilize a form. Nice work lady.  |
||
|
Riley
since 2002-07-18
Posts 1038in the pouring rain |
wind, HEY!, talk about not reading someone in a while. this is so good, ohhh, i love it, it gave me the chills. i LOVE it....great job wind.... ri *the bloody tide comes in on the shore, time after time* |
||
|
Kahlil Senior Member
since 2003-04-12
Posts 1881 |
I liked your poem and I can relate, almost too closely, but what really got me after I read it was your signature line...that exact Cold Play song was already in my head when I started reading! It kind of spooked me to see it there at the end. I've been listening to Cold Play all day (well, several weeks, actually). Thanks for sharing more than you even knew! |
||
|
passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
I have said this many times  |
||
|
SongVixen Junior Member
since 2003-07-06
Posts 43England |
enjoyed your poem~songvixen |
||
|
Enchantress Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113Canada eh. |
Wonderful triolet Liz... Very much enjoyed! ~Smiles & Hugs, Nancy~ ~If you haven't heard the sunset, |
||
|
Wind
since 2002-10-12
Posts 2981 |
I see some new people. And old ones. Ser- thanks honey..you're so smart. You know all this weird ehh...stuff. You aint a brat. Don't worry. Riley! I missed you. people leeave all the time and I thought you did it too. Thanks. Mostly for coming back Kahill whats even stranger is that every time I write a thread, we start talking about coldplay. Haha, I was going to change my signature but I can't give it up. It fits me too well. ps- if ya don't cheer up..I'll uhh...do something Nancy- Thanks for stoping into the wind tunnel lol. Songvixen- you're new? It's nice to see a new person who replys instead of just posting nonstop. Welcome here. I said I'm going to buy a gun and start a war, If you can tell me something worth fighting for -coldplay [This message has been edited by Wind (07-06-2003 11:21 AM).] |
||
|
Patricia Member Elite
since 2003-04-06
Posts 2160Missouri |
I do like the way this fell on the page. I have said your words to myself (never to him) many times in my marriage...it helped me get through the bad times. This piece reminds me of those days and all of the self convincing I had to do prior to the end. A superb write. Patricia |
||
|
Midnitesun
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647Gaia |
guess you are really gone with the wind?  enjoyed the write, windy gal |
||
|
Wind
since 2002-10-12
Posts 2981 |
yeah.. well I wrote this because I'm addicted to the show 'without a trace' people disapeiring.. really interests me. OK..that sounds scary "and I know the mistakes that I made see it all disapeir without a trace" I said I'm going to buy a gun and start a war, |
||
|
gemjop Member Elite
since 2002-11-18
Posts 2587Pencilveinia, USA |
 I like this style on you, the words were a haunting stumble upon harsh reality for me. can i just say how glad i am that youre back again. p.s, replying to your reply to me, i went on holiday, see i had a valid excuse! had to get away, but nothing improved. lol, and the rest of your response that you wrote, wow, how beautiful? very, so thanks. xxx |
||
|
vandana
since 1999-10-22
Posts 10463USA |
enjoy your read |
||
|
zenny Member
since 2002-11-24
Posts 371Belgium |
i like this write, dear Wind i relate to it, allthough i don't want to *hugs, kelly |
||
|
Earth Angel Member Empyrean
since 2002-08-27
Posts 40215Realms of Light |
I enjoyed the cadence of your wind song. Warm huggums, EA |
||
|
Wind
since 2002-10-12
Posts 2981 |
Hello, people still reading this? thanks everyone I said I'm going to buy a gun and start a war, |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
