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Open Poetry #27
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wranx
Member Elite
since 2002-06-07
Posts 3689
Moved from a shack to a barn

0 posted 2003-07-04 09:25 PM



A man
Much like you or I
once looked out over a valley
with its verdant hills
and the stream that defined it

He saw there
the trails he had made

Trails indistinguishable
from those of deer or elk
or other men

And in his minds’ eye
saw where they led

To the copse where berries were sweetest
The gully that made the killing easy
And the clearing where he discovered
that fornication was something…more

Inside his shelter
he noticed more of his life

The implements he’d made
The furs that once kept them warm
The place where she would sit and smile

And the hearth they shared
From which he’d taken the cold charcoal

Chewed it into paste
and spat it between his splayed fingers
around his hand, onto the stone wall

Making the statements
“I am here”
“I still live”

Birthing poetry


© Copyright 2003 E.F.Rose - All Rights Reserved
Midnitesun
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Empyrean
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647
Gaia
1 posted 2003-07-04 09:33 PM



BRAVO! for cave man poetry.
What a cool post, Ed.

Me woman...
Me like...

Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla
2 posted 2003-07-04 10:02 PM


wranx,
I can see that, enjoyed.

[This message has been edited by Seymour Tabin (07-05-2003 07:53 AM).]

Aenimal
Member Rara Avis
since 2002-11-18
Posts 7350
the ass-end of space
3 posted 2003-07-04 10:25 PM


And what fine offspring he's produced..excellent Ed
suthern
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Seraphic
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723
Louisiana
4 posted 2003-07-04 10:47 PM


We're all in his debt. *S* Excellent write! *S*
brian sites
Senior Member
since 2002-06-25
Posts 1475
usa
5 posted 2003-07-04 10:54 PM


damn
Earth Angel
Member Empyrean
since 2002-08-27
Posts 40215
Realms of Light
6 posted 2003-07-04 11:03 PM


--and history has a habit of repeating itself...

Poetry, from its conception to its birthing can be an arduous, yet highly rewarding process.

Another fine delivery, Dear Ed!

EA

Mysteria
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Member Laureate
since 2001-03-07
Posts 18328
British Columbia, Canada
7 posted 2003-07-05 12:16 PM


Boy we have come a long way baby, from yucky chewed charcoal to felt pens but I like how we got there Cool write dude!
icebox
Member Elite
since 2003-05-03
Posts 4383
in the shadows
8 posted 2003-07-05 02:02 AM


Have you been peeking into my past?


passing shadows
Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577
displaced
9 posted 2003-07-05 02:09 AM


always neat stuff from you, awesome ending
Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049
California
10 posted 2003-07-05 12:52 PM


Ed...everything and its beginning, even before the charcoal, the need to tell.  Enjoyed this!
Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354
Listening to every heart
11 posted 2003-07-05 05:59 PM



I know where this place is....

I thought it well hidden.

But the searchers always seem to find it.

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738

12 posted 2003-07-05 06:16 PM


You write a fine beginning, Ed.

You honor the ancestral origen with this and indeed, 'tis lovely.

I love the way you think.

Duncan
Member Ascendant
since 2001-08-07
Posts 5455

13 posted 2003-07-06 12:19 PM


"And in his minds’ eye
saw where they led"

Enjoyed your take on this...as always.     (Have no idea why, but those two lines wrote the whole story for me...)

Local Rebel
Member Ascendant
since 1999-12-21
Posts 5767
Southern Abstentia
14 posted 2003-07-06 12:03 PM


an animated narrative certainly... deliberate
littlewing
Member Rara Avis
since 2003-03-02
Posts 9655
New York
15 posted 2003-07-07 12:29 PM


and thus . . it continues . . .

brilliant Ed, you WRITER you lol
xxoo

2dalimit
Member Elite
since 2000-02-08
Posts 2228
Mississippi coast
16 posted 2003-07-07 06:08 AM


Take comfort in a job well done.

Enjoyed it,
Melton

Bonfirelight
Member
since 2003-06-19
Posts 85
London, England
17 posted 2003-07-07 06:17 AM


good job.
i still live. wicked

Greeneyes
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Member Rara Avis
since 2000-09-09
Posts 9903
In Your Poetic Mind
18 posted 2003-07-07 10:40 AM


Making the statements
“I am here”
“I still live”

Birthing poetry''


complete awe of your words...


Lauren~

Through the darkness
I can see your light
And you will always shine
And I can feel your heart in mine

I will remember you

brian sites
Senior Member
since 2002-06-25
Posts 1475
usa
19 posted 2003-08-31 12:40 PM


I think it has taken me this long to come to terms with this write

I said "Damn"

speechless

but I was thinking about this one

I think Ed

that this poem
is one of the best I have ever read

not least
the best of yours

deserves to be in a book in Borders

it does

Dark Angel
Member Patricius
since 1999-08-04
Posts 10095

20 posted 2003-08-31 06:41 AM


Yup I agree with Brain....

I can't believe I missed this, I just can't.

keeping this m'friend.

Maree

fate is not just
whose cooking  smells good
but which way the wind blows

(Ani DiFranco)


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