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littlewing
Member Rara Avis

since 2003-03-02

Posts 9655
New York

0 posted 2003-07-01 10:59 PM

Once it was
it was
once
like a blind
opened then closed
bound in leather
wrinkled
like the hands
of the man
who once was
was
once

Kaoru

Member Elite

since 2003-06-07

Posts 3892
where the wild flowers grow

1 posted 2003-07-01 11:10 PM

Exellent work

Aenimal
Member Rara Avis

since 2002-11-18

Posts 7350
the ass-end of space

2 posted 2003-07-01 11:21 PM

Loved this, this another one of them different poem style thingies? lol It's great either way.

Earth Angel
Member Empyrean

since 2002-08-27

Posts 40215
Realms of Light

3 posted 2003-07-01 11:27 PM

I had a tan--Once! LOL

Now, I'm like Marilyn Monroe--"I'm pink and white all over!"--and that is where the comparison ends!

Huggums,
Linda

garysgirl

Member Laureate

since 2002-09-29

Posts 19237
Florida, USA

4 posted 2003-07-01 11:38 PM

Sue, I like the way you did this.

Hugs to ya

Ethel

timothysangel1973

Senior Member

since 2001-12-03

Posts 1725
Never close enough

5 posted 2003-07-01 11:40 PM

Wonderful write

Like your style!

passing shadows
Member Empyrean

since 1999-08-26

Posts 45577
displaced

6 posted 2003-07-02 01:12 AM

neat write

ecrivan
Member Elite

since 2001-12-10

Posts 3923
my own state

7 posted 2003-07-02 01:46 AM

neat write..I'd still clip the second 'the' off the beginning to make the start more fluid and have it mirror what you have at the end of the poem

"Once it was
was once"

again just a suggestion

[This message has been edited by ecrivan (07-02-2003 01:48 AM).]

Ratleader

Member Rara Avis

since 2003-01-23

Posts 7026
Visiting Earth on a Guest Pass

8 posted 2003-07-02 01:56 AM

I like the atmosphere of this, the economy in your images, and the envelope -- the way it encloses itself. A very nice piece of writing here, just enough, and nothing left over.

~~(¸¸¸¸ºº> ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº> ~~(¸¸ ¸¸ºº> ~~~(¸¸ER¸¸ºº>
______________Ratleader______________

inkedgoddess
Member Rara Avis

since 2002-11-19

Posts 7392
Ohio

9 posted 2003-07-02 07:03 AM

yes, concise and packs a punch
dont think the tanning salons would appreciate it tho

really lyrical and sticks in the head a bit
nice job sue

[This message has been edited by inkedgoddess (07-02-2003 07:04 AM).]

Enchantress
Member Empyrean

since 2001-08-14

Posts 35113
Canada eh.

10 posted 2003-07-02 09:03 AM

Excellent write and presentation Sue!
Much enjoyed.
~Smiles & Hugs, Nancy~

~If you haven't heard the sunset,
you haven't been listening.~

Patricia
Member Elite

since 2003-04-06

Posts 2160
Missouri

11 posted 2003-07-02 09:12 AM

Perfect...This is wonderful. Just a enough words and images so that one can extract your meaning.

Oh, so good!

Patricia

Nightshade

Member Patricius

since 2001-08-31

Posts 13962
just out of reach

12 posted 2003-07-02 09:58 AM

Love this one Sue!! hugs, Chris

"Said you'd give me light...
...but you never told me about the fire."

~Stevie Nicks~

Sudhir Iyer
Member Ascendant

since 2000-04-26

Posts 6943
Mumbai, India : now in Belgium

13 posted 2003-07-02 10:33 AM

like a blind
opened then closed
bound in leather
wrinkled
like the hands
of the man
------

you are an amazing writer... always finding the rightest word for the rightest thought

regards
sudhir

dreambuilder
Member

since 2003-03-23

Posts 319
caddyshack

14 posted 2003-07-03 05:36 AM

Inspired me
to finnally re-open
my Bible
lol

As always you inspire me
this one was a mind bender

. . . all that we see or seem is but a dream within a dream . . .

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