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Open Poetry #27
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jellybeans
Member Elite
since 2000-10-13
Posts 2298


0 posted 2003-07-01 10:27 AM


we paid fare for the trip
you and I
but the actual boarding
proved more difficult
than imagined

you deemed my baggage
overweight
but you would not remove
your grasp so that I
could unpack it

defensively I pointed
to the size of yours
and with gloves off
we went at it

the oncoming train
was getting louder and louder
the platform was overcrowded
so before one more
but you
could appear on the scene

I quickly jumped
in front of the approaching train
so angry was I
that I overshot my mark
and rolled to a halt on the other side

I got up
and dusted of my obvious intentions
walked away, with no regrets
for belongings left behind...
you always wanted to hold on to them
much more than I


[This message has been edited by jellybeans (07-01-2003 02:23 PM).]

© Copyright 2003 jellybeans - All Rights Reserved
SEA
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 5 Tours
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676
with you
1 posted 2003-07-01 10:50 AM


wow..this packs one heck of a punch! fantastic!
Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354
Listening to every heart
2 posted 2003-07-01 11:31 AM



JB....

just shaking my head....

in awe.

nakdthoughts
Member Laureate
since 2000-10-29
Posts 19200
Between the Lines
3 posted 2003-07-01 11:35 AM


we paid fare for the trip
you and I
but the actual boarding
proved more difficult
than imagined

you deemed my baggage
overweight
but you would not remove
your grasp so that I
could unpack it

defensively I pointed
to the size of yours
and with gloves off
we went at it


I don't know which verse  I felt more...but
"the actual boarding" made me think of my own personal hang ups...of starting new

Very nice, JB

M

suthern
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Seraphic
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723
Louisiana
4 posted 2003-07-01 12:15 PM


walked away, with no regrets
for belongings left behind…
you always wanted to hold on to them
much more than I

I'm glad those intentions yielded nothing more than dusty britches, resolve, and wonderful poetry. *G*

Both powerful and poignant, lady... wonderful write. *S*

Honeybee
Member Ascendant
since 1999-12-26
Posts 5372
Ontario, CANADA
5 posted 2003-07-01 12:54 PM


"I quickly jumped
in front of the approaching train
so angry was I
that I overshot my mark
and rolled to halt on the other side

I got up
and dusted of my obvious intentions
walked away, with no regrets
for belongings left behind…
you always wanted to hold on to them
much more than I"
___________________________________
Damn, this is powerful!  I'm at a loss for words, you write so unbelieveably well and I always seem to relate or stand in awe.

This is a keeper!

Melissa~

Intellectually I know that Canada is no better than any other country. Emotionally I KNOW that Canada is the best country in the world!

passing shadows
Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577
displaced
6 posted 2003-07-01 12:57 PM


beautifully sad and powerful write, I will always read you, until I can't read anymore
Earth Angel
Member Empyrean
since 2002-08-27
Posts 40215
Realms of Light
7 posted 2003-07-01 12:58 PM


Another "brill" from your quill!

Huggums,
EA

jellybeans
Member Elite
since 2000-10-13
Posts 2298

8 posted 2003-07-01 02:27 PM


SEA and sunshine, thank you so much...how my disfunctional life can create awe is beyond me, I just have to be the one to write it

nt, I know...it must have taken 5 minutes to write this, it just poured out, and I couldn't say which verse hits me harder...sigh thank you

suthern, you know I have a vested interest in the afterlife, so my intentions were more wordy than accurate....but I love you for caring

honeybee, thank you so much, again, am so flattered that you find my work impelling

ps...yep lady, I know that you relate...sigh, and you see the sadness

ea, thank you so much

Ratleader
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Rara Avis
since 2003-01-23
Posts 7026
Visiting Earth on a Guest Pass
9 posted 2003-07-01 10:06 PM


Wow -- nicely done! Powerful use of imagery and movement -- I like this very much.

~~(¸¸¸¸ºº>   ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº>  ~~(¸¸ ¸¸ºº>    ~~~(¸¸ER¸¸ºº>
______________Ratleader______________

Kaoru
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2003-06-07
Posts 3892
where the wild flowers grow
10 posted 2003-07-01 10:08 PM


Wowowow! Awesome concept, really enjoyed this .
jellybeans
Member Elite
since 2000-10-13
Posts 2298

11 posted 2003-07-02 02:34 PM


ratleader and kaoru, thank you much...am glad this is yesterday and not today....am too tired today to jump in front of anything ...lol
passing shadows
Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577
displaced
12 posted 2003-07-03 03:04 AM



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