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Open Poetry #27
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Local Rebel
Member Ascendant
since 1999-12-21
Posts 5767
Southern Abstentia

0 posted 2003-06-29 12:58 PM


within my reoffense
my own defense
it is

it is
the myth of why I'm fine

it grows
ever more
efferent in me
Now

it washes me Now

I am ions and ohms Now
I am negative
resistance Now
my own
foe Now
forfeit my whims Now
for my sworn sin
sworn

sin

sworn Now
I am
rife with the finery
of non inference

the omni
infinite Now

washed in irony
                  yin and yen
wash my feet in the fire of Eden

wash me in the ferment
of freedom

wash me in the fire

I harnessed god
with a devil

I harnessed god
with a devil
he did not make

we killed the giants
with a sling
we killed them
giants
and
I gave my son too
son too
son to

the girl in the show
with the glint
she wore

she wore
the hint
was my guilt
my strings
my ring
my shish

wash my feet in the fire of Eden
sting me with the volts
vow to me the vigil
walk with me
walk

with me
my last walk

it is the myth of why I'm fine
the hymn of ions
and ohms

oms

om

siddhartha said it too

om

nirvana

[This message has been edited by Local Rebel (06-29-2003 09:03 AM).]

© Copyright 2003 Local Rebel - All Rights Reserved
Connel
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Senior Member
since 2002-11-04
Posts 736
Florida, USA
1 posted 2003-06-29 01:25 AM


Bravo! Beautiful. I Loved it. So well writen, hard to explain really. ^_^

Read ^ there, because you are reading the wrong part!

timothysangel1973
Deputy Moderator 5 Tours
Senior Member
since 2001-12-03
Posts 1725
Never close enough
2 posted 2003-06-29 01:47 AM


Geez Rebel this was great, I have to admit though....(blushes), I always have to read your stuff twice...maybe I am a little shallow, and you are TOO DEEP FOR ME....haha


Anyway, I had to read this one twice and I loved it, may hafta go read again.....

Tima C


Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354
Listening to every heart
3 posted 2003-06-29 11:55 AM



I think I'll place this in the library,
to read again
and again
and someday, come to

om

in understanding....

inkedgoddess
Member Rara Avis
since 2002-11-19
Posts 7392
Ohio
4 posted 2003-06-29 03:59 PM


throw me in the shallow water before i get too deep,

sent me to the dictionary a bit

but it made me think..do you smell the wood burning?

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738

5 posted 2003-06-29 04:01 PM


I'm keeping this one.

It's intense, Reb. I can't tell if the undercurrent is anger or survival instinct. (My Dad once told me it was the same energy--smile--and I should stop wasting mine on the trivial and save it for times of necessity--wink)

I read it aloud, and my kids liked it too, btw. (Zach thinks you should write music! )

"wash my feet in the fire of Eden"

nice. I'll have to watch my son--that just might show up in one his RPG'S he likes to make...

This SHOULD be performed tho. He's absolutely right on that.


serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738

6 posted 2003-06-29 04:03 PM


Okay.

NOW I'm keeping it.

(why am I so damned goofy?)

Jason Lyle
Senior Member
since 2003-02-07
Posts 1438
With my darkling
7 posted 2003-06-29 04:14 PM


This is amazing.I loved it more each time I read it.A powerful poem.

Jason

Local Rebel
Member Ascendant
since 1999-12-21
Posts 5767
Southern Abstentia
8 posted 2003-06-29 07:33 PM


Connel -- thank you very much -- it isn't supposed to be easy to understand -- it borrows from the ideas of Zen Koans

Tima -- thank you very much -- as long as you enjoyed it that's all that maters..

Sunshiny -- you honor me -- I am not worthy -- thank you

goddess -- I love the smell of mesquite! -- glad it tickled your brain cells

blaze starr -- thankyou ma'am... very perceptive of you to read it aloud -- it should be -- and tell Zach I do write music!  (thought you knew that)  be sure to tell him though that I hunt down and eat anybody who steals anything I've written

the appropriate music for this would be electronica, or house music, possibly even industrial...I may do it sometime, if I ever have the time

Jason -- thank you for reading and your response sir..

garysgirl
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Laureate
since 2002-09-29
Posts 19237
Florida, USA
9 posted 2003-06-29 08:00 PM


she wore
the hint
was my guilt
my strings
my ring
my shish

wash my feet in the fire of Eden
sting me with the volts
vow to me the vigil
walk with me
walk

with me
my last walk

it is the myth of why I'm fine
the hymn of ions
and ohms


Double Wow!!  I didn't know that you write music. I could almost hear a chant while I was reading this. Probably completely opposite of what you were thinking, but it's what I could hear. Kind of like some of Enya's. Weird how people hear different things about the same words, isn't it?  
Hugs  
Ethel

passing shadows
Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577
displaced
10 posted 2003-06-29 10:58 PM


I'm stealin' it!



Cum'n get me!


[This message has been edited by passing shadows (06-29-2003 10:58 PM).]

Kethry
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-29
Posts 9082
Victoria Australia
11 posted 2003-07-01 09:43 AM


Ohm , let me think...this myth is fine like rose red wine, and your words true return to you.
Kethry

Here in the midst of my lonely abyss, a single joy I find...your presence in my mind.  Unknown



jellybeans
Member Elite
since 2000-10-13
Posts 2298

12 posted 2003-07-01 10:38 AM


understand this, sin convicts, and tears down...it has illusions perfected for each....I had my own, but they echo just as this one does...wonderful work
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