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Open Poetry #27
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As You Slept
| Open Poetry #27 |
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As You Slept |
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littlewing Member Rara Avis
since 2003-03-02
Posts 9655New York 
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I have watched you sleep, but no one knows I crept each morning you were unaware From parted lips light as a rose I have watched you sleep , but no one knows Lilac stirs on scent of breeze which blows Mingled sighs with morning air I have watched you sleep but no one knows I crept each morning you were unaware [This message has been edited by littlewing (06-28-2003 08:26 PM).] |
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| © Copyright 2003 Sue Eckam - All Rights Reserved | |||
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JamesMichael Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336Kapolei, Hawaii, USA |
Lovely...James |
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Wind
since 2002-10-12
Posts 2981 |
hauntingly uncomparable I said I'm going to buy a gun and start a war, |
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Ericc Member Elite
since 2003-01-31
Posts 4178 |
Wow...excellent! Eric |
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ThisDiamond Member Rara Avis
since 2002-02-22
Posts 9353Michigan, USA |
Pretty write...elusive. TD |
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ecrivan Member Elite
since 2001-12-10
Posts 3923my own state |
I like the rhythm but am wondering whther you mean to mean to write that you were unaware or the sleeper was. If you were that idea comes across, but if you mean the sleeper who would be unaware of your approach there should be some rewording..just some insight. I crept each morning, you were quite unaware |
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littlewing Member Rara Avis
since 2003-03-02
Posts 9655New York |
Thanks James! Thank you Wind . . . uncomparable I doubt it but TY Thank you Ericc - I love to see you reading me TD - verry elusive yes thank you Martin - thank you so much - I am going to go change that right now - I never would have noticed . . . Yes yes the sleeper unaware My first try at a triolet Thank you so much Martin! I owe you one Thanks guys xxoo |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
An angel looking in on a child... in the shape of a mother... |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
Ah...The Triolet!!! You DID it--and this IS a fun form, and it has such a soothing quality when well done, and YES, lady, this IS well done.  and hey, not sure if you had this link, so I take the liberty: http://www.baymoon.com/~ariadne/form/triolet.htm Love ya Susie! |
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Ratleader
since 2003-01-23
Posts 7026Visiting Earth on a Guest Pass |
Oh wow, what a beauty! Wish I'd written this, I do..... ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº> ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº> ~~(¸¸ ¸¸ºº> ~~~(¸¸ER¸¸ºº> |
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Larry C
since 2001-09-10
Posts 10286United States |
Cool and I love the Lilacs in the middle of this. And isn't Karen the educated one?  If tears could build a stairway and memories a lane, I'd walk right up to heaven and bring you home again. |
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Broken Member
since 2000-03-12
Posts 271The woods |
Oh, to watch the one you love sleeping. I sometimes do so, but mostly I sleep.  Yours truly ~Broken~ Such griefs with such men well agree, |
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inkedgoddess Member Rara Avis
since 2002-11-19
Posts 7392Ohio |
Lilac stirs on scent of breeze which blows Mingled sighs with morning air lovely images, sue reminds me when........ i would watch them , to see their chests rise up and down to make sure they were still breathing....as a new mother |
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BluesSerenade Member Patricius
since 2001-10-23
Posts 10549By the Seaside |
That's a nice touch, and should certainly be enough to stir him. Love this peek into your sleepy dream tweets~ |
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wranx Member Elite
since 2002-06-07
Posts 3689Moved from a shack to a barn |
This is indeed a beauty Susie! |
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littlewing Member Rara Avis
since 2003-03-02
Posts 9655New York |
Karilea . . . how lovely I do that all the time too thank you K - thank you and thanks for the link - very cool site . . . I love this form - is nice and light . . . kind of sing-songy. Love you too K Ed - wow what a compliment - thank you Larry - she is constantly giving me homework . . . damn her . . . thank you hey those lilacs I really have too Broken - then I guess you are the one being watched . . . yes it was lovely indeed thank you Michele - I still do that all the time - umm . . when do we stop doing that? Thank you Thanks Bluesy - nice memories is all Ed - thank you - very sweet Thanks guys xxoo |
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Local Rebel Member Ascendant
since 1999-12-21
Posts 5767Southern Abstentia |
always a pleasure to watch someone we love sleep -- as it is to read your poetry littlewing |
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Nightshade
since 2001-08-31
Posts 13962just out of reach |
This is beautiful littlewing!! I must try one of these sometime. It looks difficult...is it? Hope not...hee hee. You have such ease with your words. hugs, Chris "Said you'd give me light... |
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Mistletoe Angel
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816Portland, Oregon |
 (smiles) Oh Sue, this is beautiful, sweet friend, this had me imnagining the lilacs rocking in the wind like a babys cradle and the aromas filling my room as I sleep making me dream sweet dreams, yay! (kiss on cheek) God Bless You, sweet friend, this is a gem, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Sue, thank you for sharing!  May love and light always shine upon you! Love, Noah Eaton Underneath your clothes, there's an endless story |
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littlewing Member Rara Avis
since 2003-03-02
Posts 9655New York |
Rebel yes . . . it is isnt it? Thank you for your kind words Chris - Thank you - and it is quite easy - nice and easy flow to it - check out the link Karen gave - I like this style a lot and thank you - sometimes it SEEMS that the words come with ease lol Noah - the lilacs - yes - I have two lilac trees at my old house and this is what spurred the memory Thank you guys xxoo |
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Honeybee Member Ascendant
since 1999-12-26
Posts 5372Ontario, CANADA |
Sue, this is beautiful and flows like silk while read aloud. This is a keeper! Melissa~ Intellectually I know that Canada is no better than any other country. Emotionally I KNOW that Canada is the best country in the world! |
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Enchantress Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113Canada eh. |
Very beautiful..softly flowing..lovely indeed. Much enjoyed Sue! ~Smiles & Hugs, Nancy~ ~If you haven't heard the sunset, |
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littlewing Member Rara Avis
since 2003-03-02
Posts 9655New York |
Thank you so much Nancy and Melissa I am glad you guys saw this one and liked xxoo |
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Aenimal Member Rara Avis
since 2002-11-18
Posts 7350the ass-end of space |
Beautiful Sue I'll have to try one of these some day but for now I'll bask in yours nd the feeling it brings |
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littlewing Member Rara Avis
since 2003-03-02
Posts 9655New York |
awww please do - please do you know I would . . . thank you xxoo |
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Goldenrose Member Elite
since 2003-05-30
Posts 3665 |
lovely writing suz....sleep and have someone watch you.... Goldenrose. |
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passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
brings a smile...thanks Sue |
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Wind
since 2002-10-12
Posts 2981 |
If it wasn't unforgettable, then why would you get so many replies? I said I'm going to buy a gun and start a war, |
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littlewing Member Rara Avis
since 2003-03-02
Posts 9655New York |
Phil - too sweet and thank you - yes I do need to sleep now sometime Thank you Miss Dixie yw Thanks Wind . . . Thank you everyone xxoo |
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Sudhir Iyer Member Ascendant
since 2000-04-26
Posts 6943Mumbai, India : now in Belgium |
loved it and my favourite lines right here: Lilac stirs on scent of breeze which blows Mingled sighs with morning air wonderful work... regards, Sudhir |
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littlewing Member Rara Avis
since 2003-03-02
Posts 9655New York |
Thank you Sudhir . . . I love to see you reading me xxoo |
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