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Open Poetry #27
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SEA
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with you

0 posted 2003-06-28 12:30 PM



I edited my poem
so you couldn’t read
between the lines
wouldn’t read
how it defines.....
My heart is already on display

I changed my vocabulary
so you’d have to guess
as to my intent
guess
just what I meant....
My message is clear enough

I revised my final draft
so to be sure I’d made
no errors in my rhyme
sure not to waste
any of your time....
My clock doesn’t work

I decided not to post it
so you wouldn’t know
carefully metered devotion
know
this raw emotion.....
My love has always been yours


~SEA~


© Copyright 2003 S.E. A - All Rights Reserved
timothysangel1973
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Never close enough
1 posted 2003-06-28 12:34 PM


"I changed my vocabulary
so you’d have to guess
as to my intent
guess
just what I meant....
My message is clear enough"

I LOVE THIS !

(hubby says I use big words to confuse him).....I do not, well not on purpose....

I love the symbolism of the entire write, but I always have my favorites and the part about changing vocabulary was WONDERFUL!

Going in the library!

Tima C

Some women wait for something to change and nothing does, so they change themselves.
-Audre Lorde


passing shadows
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since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577
displaced
2 posted 2003-06-28 12:42 PM


going in my library too!

wonderful write Susan!

Ivy Rose
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since 2001-12-29
Posts 1300
MA, USA
3 posted 2003-06-28 12:48 PM


SEA...I love the total honesty of this poem. You wore your heart on your sleeve so to speak. This poem had great emotion and intensity of passion. ***Ivy Rose
garysgirl
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4 posted 2003-06-28 12:52 PM


Susan, I love the whole poem, but this part especially.....

I edited my poem
so you couldn’t read
between the lines
wouldn’t read
how it defines.....
My heart is already on display

I changed my vocabulary
so you’d have to guess
as to my intent
guess
just what I meant....
My message is clear enough


Very, very good writing!!!  
Hugs  
Ethel


BluesSerenade
Member Patricius
since 2001-10-23
Posts 10549
By the Seaside
5 posted 2003-06-28 11:12 PM


Only you can edit so well and leave a polished finish!  

You are so good at what you do SEAgal!!

Kaoru
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where the wild flowers grow
6 posted 2003-06-28 11:14 PM


I love this write!
SEA
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with you
7 posted 2003-06-29 01:02 AM


thank you all very much for your kind and generous replies
Larry C
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8 posted 2003-06-29 01:07 AM


Susan,
=============================
My heart is already on display
...
My message is clear enough
...
My clock doesn’t work
...
My love has always been yours
=============================
I got all of it but the clock.
But I love it...

If tears could build a stairway and memories a lane, I'd walk right up to heaven and bring you home again.

SEA
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with you
9 posted 2003-06-29 01:23 AM


rofl....I was thinking about that line and thought....
"my clock runs backwards" or something to that effect....sigh anyway that was the idea with that one

Connel
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since 2002-11-04
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Florida, USA
10 posted 2003-06-29 01:29 AM


Perfect. Edited to perfection.. Very impressive, I extremly enjoyed. Beautiful!

Read ^ there, because you are reading the wrong part!

Larry C
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since 2001-09-10
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11 posted 2003-06-29 01:32 AM


ROTFLMFO I feel better already!

If tears could build a stairway and memories a lane, I'd walk right up to heaven and bring you home again.

Duncan
Member Ascendant
since 2001-08-07
Posts 5455

12 posted 2003-06-30 01:26 PM


Ha!!  Ya can't fool me!!!  I majored in reading between the lines!!!!  
Ericc
Member Elite
since 2003-01-31
Posts 4178

13 posted 2003-06-30 04:54 PM


Great poem... my favorite...of all my favorites of yours!
Eric

Enchantress
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since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113
Canada eh.
14 posted 2003-06-30 05:28 PM


Wonderful!!  I love it!!
~Smiles & Hugs, Nancy~

~If you haven't heard the sunset,
   you haven't been listening.~

Mysteria
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since 2001-03-07
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British Columbia, Canada
15 posted 2003-06-30 11:31 PM


Now you made me laugh - see Sea?  Your clock never stops!  When on earth do you even have the time to write these wonderful poems?  I got it, and I loved it too.  Miss ya
Earth Angel
Member Empyrean
since 2002-08-27
Posts 40215
Realms of Light
16 posted 2003-06-30 11:33 PM


Very clever!--but I could SEA between the lines!

Lovin' hugs,
EA

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