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Open Poetry #27
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Jason Lyle
Senior Member
since 2003-02-07
Posts 1438
With my darkling

0 posted 2003-06-27 10:41 PM


I am a river
I flow
And feel nothing
but the flow

© Copyright 2003 Jason Lyle - All Rights Reserved
Jason Lyle
Senior Member
since 2003-02-07
Posts 1438
With my darkling
1 posted 2003-06-27 10:41 PM


god what a cliche
Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354
Listening to every heart
2 posted 2003-06-27 11:02 PM



Then add to it Jason...
what does the river leave behind?

Aenimal
Member Rara Avis
since 2002-11-18
Posts 7350
the ass-end of space
3 posted 2003-06-27 11:47 PM


Nah you got rid of any cliche with the second part..you diffused it and made it a pwerful statement about the numbness we sometimes feel..i need a drink
passing shadows
Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577
displaced
4 posted 2003-06-28 12:22 PM


I'm with Raph
timothysangel1973
Deputy Moderator 5 Tours
Senior Member
since 2001-12-03
Posts 1725
Never close enough
5 posted 2003-06-28 12:27 PM


I thought it was great!

I wanna be numb sometimes and can't.....

....Ahhh, numbness, wait up Raph and Dixie!  


littlewing
Member Rara Avis
since 2003-03-02
Posts 9655
New York
6 posted 2003-06-28 05:28 AM


Jason
its perfect as it is . . .

exactly . . . adding more would make
you a raging wild turbulent wave rushing full of fish and wildlife green swimming blue river thus we would never feel the flow . . .

awesome write indeed
xxoo


DragonFang
Senior Member
since 2000-03-09
Posts 522
Missouri, USA
7 posted 2003-06-28 06:17 AM


nice, short and sweet. I often feel that way.
Gina Culliney
Member
since 2003-03-08
Posts 170

8 posted 2003-06-29 02:52 PM


lil teaser!
inkedgoddess
Member Rara Avis
since 2002-11-19
Posts 7392
Ohio
9 posted 2003-06-29 04:02 PM


we are all a cliche tho, dont worry..be happy
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