Archetypical Construct of Decay ( A duet with Serenity... the brat child..LOL)

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Cpat Hair

Member Patricius

since 2001-06-05

Posts 11793

0 posted 2003-06-27 02:57 PM

Over arching the architecture
of straight and curved pieces
bolted together is the structural intent

grace demands
         eye traveled follow

denying fault within cemented
   over arcing shadows
beneath The Bridge that Sighs
with each pulse of cloud driven
in circumspective spin

cables sing...

the ties between roadbed we travel and
towers we built first
bearing weight of all on bedrock

they crumble to the sky
on stone stacked slim

rain’s rot wearing thin
the one day fall

Kiss quick before the tumble
quicksilvered
      in  catch of light

stand steady  the balances
      and be damned
the  promises denied—

legendary conveyance  built
by yearning to know other sides...
  fail me to  forever
  but?

give to me the moment's high ..

Before the superstructure
of reality
makes me cry,

"Oh Babel, your towers, Why?"

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

1 posted 2003-06-27 02:59 PM

Now I know why the boards have been quiet.
The Masters were mastering.

I'll be back.

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean

since 2000-02-02

Posts 27738

2 posted 2003-06-27 03:01 PM

Brat? BRAT???

smile.

I guess the gig is up, huh?

*lmao*

[This message has been edited by Sunshine (06-27-2003 03:03 PM).]

Wind

Member Elite

since 2002-10-12

Posts 2981

3 posted 2003-06-27 03:04 PM

Serenity's not a brat... she's just a little.. active. Good poem guys

I said I'm going to buy a gun and start a war,
If you can tell me something worth fighting for
-coldplay

Aenimal
Member Rara Avis

since 2002-11-18

Posts 7350
the ass-end of space

4 posted 2003-06-27 03:32 PM

Ah what a beautiful sight, two masters indeed..captured me with the title and held me till the end..awesome

Cpat Hair

Member Patricius

since 2001-06-05

Posts 11793

5 posted 2003-06-27 04:02 PM

Sunshine... mastering the techniques of how to write from the brat child...lol... lord she is so far above me when it comes to wordsmithing I had to beat her on the head to slow her down so I could keep up... and understand what she was saying in her phrasing...

Ser..yeah.. BRAT.. LMAO... you know, and I know it....

Wind... a little active you say??? you try writing with her and see if you don't change your mind and decide I am right.

Raph..what you see is Ser's touch..and talent..I was just along for the ride.. easy to look good when you work with someone as talented as she is..

thanks all... appreciate the comments and the read.

[This message has been edited by Cpat Hair (06-27-2003 04:05 PM).]

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean

since 2000-02-02

Posts 27738

6 posted 2003-06-27 04:09 PM

I am SO trying to behave.

sheesh.

Cap?

YOU know, and I know, that you took tripe and made it palatable...

but I'll not argue with ya in public. You always win anyhow...contrary to popular belief, I DO have m'pride. *sniff*

*chuckle*

Cpat Hair

Member Patricius

since 2001-06-05

Posts 11793

7 posted 2003-06-27 04:13 PM

well Ser if you have your pride..then stand in the spotlight and take the bow you deserve... you know and I know you put direction to this and initiated the piece to begin with... I edited a few places and added a bit here and there to make transitions... and to hold the cohesiveness of the piece on a level I yes I could understand.... now.. you could argue all you wanted... I'd still be right and you know it.. LMAO

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean

since 2000-02-02

Posts 27738

8 posted 2003-06-27 04:15 PM

and he calls ME a brat?

smiling serenely...

Enchantress
Member Empyrean

since 2001-08-14

Posts 35113
Canada eh.

9 posted 2003-06-27 04:15 PM

Serenity is not a brat...just has all this talent oozing from her.
Wonderful piece you two...
Much enjoyed seeing two masters of their craft at work.
~Hugs~

~If you haven't heard the sunset,
you haven't been listening.~

scorpio
Member Ascendant

since 2002-10-02

Posts 5178
right...there

10 posted 2003-06-27 04:43 PM

Wonderful blend of two fine poets...well done!!

believe in what your heart feels...

garysgirl

Member Laureate

since 2002-09-29

Posts 19237
Florida, USA

11 posted 2003-06-27 05:36 PM

Well, Capt. ron, Karen may be a brat, but she sure is a sweet one, isn't she? And, a whole lot of fun, too.

Thanks to both of you for letting us have a glimpse of your talents working together. It is awesome.....you both know that, though!!

Hugs to both of you

Ethel

Cpat Hair

Member Patricius

since 2001-06-05

Posts 11793

12 posted 2003-06-27 05:59 PM

nancy...lol..she is a brat.. ask her..lol.. but she certainly has talent as well..and it was a pleasure to writ ewith her.

Scorp... thank you.. it is, as I said above, easy to look good when you write with real talent.

Ethel.. Ser sweet? hmmm... let me get back to you on that one ok?

LOL... yeah she is sweet... and not a brat in a bad way... but a brat...lol

thanks for the comments all.. appreciate them and the chance to write with K...
you all should try it some time.. she'll teach you things...she did me.

Janet Marie
Member Laureate

since 2000-01-22

Posts 18554

13 posted 2003-06-27 10:12 PM

talk about a poem built on a foundation of metaphors... whoa...
and? the moth is bemused with her self as she had not a clue whose verse is whose...
and as much as I read you two..thats a real compliment to this duets chemistry and syncopation. Love the imagery and personifi in this as well.
very cool you fave groovy poets of mine

All I can feel is this distance between you and me.
I can say I love you but I can't make you believe me
because touching is believing.

c.j.

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean

since 2000-02-02

Posts 27738

14 posted 2003-06-28 02:42 PM

(serenity enters cautiously, looking around--nope, no signs of the Cap...)

Now, maybe I can have the last word.

Cap Ron is far too generous,people. Truth is, he took my trite GARBAGE and turned into some nice sculpture. Don't believe that business about ME teaching him. He's just too sweet to take proper credit.

There. The BRAT has spoken.

Thanks all!

garysgirl

Member Laureate

since 2002-09-29

Posts 19237
Florida, USA

15 posted 2003-06-28 02:51 PM

See, Capt. Ron...I told you that Serenity is sweet!! See???

Ericc
Member Elite

since 2003-01-31

Posts 4178

16 posted 2003-06-28 03:02 PM

This is so lyrical and full of beauty.
Thanks,
Eric

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

17 posted 2003-06-28 04:35 PM

I know everyone gets a different viewpoint of this...but it finally came to me what I thought of throughout most of the poem [deleting, in my mind, the last sentence...]

and that was the song, "Ode to Billy Joe..."

so, color me weird...but that was what came to me.

Duncan
Member Ascendant

since 2001-08-07

Posts 5455

18 posted 2003-06-28 07:16 PM

"Kiss quick before the tumble
quicksilvered
      in  catch of light

stand steady  the balances
      and be damned
the  promises denied—"

I already knew I wouldn't be able to distinguish the "who wrote what" of this coupling and I wasn't dissapointed...

Excellent write you two!
As for Serenity and the afore mentioned brat status...I'm a bit confused why you're resisting it so Karen. You're one of few who could play it so innocently and decadently at the same time.

I think it fits almost as perfectly as the tiara!

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean

since 2000-02-02

Posts 27738

19 posted 2003-06-28 08:13 PM

NEENER NEENER NEENER

to you, too, Duncan!

Duncan
Member Ascendant

since 2001-08-07

Posts 5455

20 posted 2003-06-28 08:56 PM

I'm hurt...deeply.

Wind

Member Elite

since 2002-10-12

Posts 2981

21 posted 2003-06-28 08:59 PM

On the loose aggain

Must I keep constant watch over her?

I said I'm going to buy a gun and start a war,
If you can tell me something worth fighting for
-coldplay

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean

since 2000-02-02

Posts 27738

22 posted 2003-06-28 09:04 PM

aw, Dunc. Forgive me. I know not the power of my "neener".

Duncan
Member Ascendant

since 2001-08-07

Posts 5455

23 posted 2003-06-28 09:32 PM

And lest I remind you, not just any neener....but the dreaded Louisiana BRAT NEENER!!!!!!

Wind

Member Elite

since 2002-10-12

Posts 2981

24 posted 2003-06-28 09:34 PM

[This message has been edited by Wind (06-28-2003 09:35 PM).]

littlewing
Member Rara Avis

since 2003-03-02

Posts 9655
New York

25 posted 2003-06-28 09:47 PM

cables sing . . .

God you guys are brilliant!
I loved the pace . . .
kind of like standing on a bridge
listening to /waiting for the
SNAP!

awesome
xxoo

Albert J. Allie
Senior Member

since 2003-02-13

Posts 512
Queens NY

26 posted 2003-06-28 09:53 PM

How I so Badly missed your work!

Larry C

Member Patricius

since 2001-09-10

Posts 10286
United States

27 posted 2003-06-28 09:58 PM

Are you guys bragging on each other or buck passing?

Yeah she's a BRAT that's exactly what we lover about her. She is OUR BRAT! Now that Cpat blew your cover...don't let the gig be up, okay?

A lot of cool metaphors in this. Lovely...

If tears could build a stairway and memories a lane, I'd walk right up to heaven and bring you home again.

Ratleader

Member Rara Avis

since 2003-01-23

Posts 7026
Visiting Earth on a Guest Pass

28 posted 2003-06-28 11:22 PM

You two make a mighty nice combo -- both brats, then......?

~~(¸¸¸¸ºº> ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº> ~~(¸¸ ¸¸ºº> ~~~(¸¸ER¸¸ºº>
______________Ratleader______________

wranx
Member Elite

since 2002-06-07

Posts 3689
Moved from a shack to a barn

29 posted 2003-06-29 01:21 AM

Sheesh!
With all the patter....I forgot the POEM!

Larry C

Member Patricius

since 2001-09-10

Posts 10286
United States

30 posted 2003-06-29 01:30 AM

Of course it was a typo!

If tears could build a stairway and memories a lane, I'd walk right up to heaven and bring you home again.

SEA

Moderator

Member Seraphic

since 2000-01-18

Posts 22676
with you

31 posted 2003-06-29 01:46 AM

"by yearning to know other sides...
fail me to forever
but?

give to me the moment's high .."

I like the way this sounds...

the wording in this poem is so cool...I really enjoyed this...and I thought it was seamless...

Local Rebel
Member Ascendant

since 1999-12-21

Posts 5767
Southern Abstentia

32 posted 2003-06-29 01:27 PM

ah -- two of my favorites collaborate!

I feared it might forge an edsel -- but -- instead it's a jag

Dark Angel
Member Patricius

since 1999-08-04

Posts 10095

33 posted 2003-06-29 05:21 PM

Wahoo a collaboration by two of my fav poets....this is indeed a masterful piece.

and K yer a Luscious Brat

Keeping this

Maree

Earth Angel
Member Empyrean

since 2002-08-27

Posts 40215
Realms of Light

34 posted 2003-06-29 05:48 PM

Now, were we supposed to take this literally or figuratively?

Words are tools, so I do believe it is safe to say, that you are both TOOL MASTERS.

Write on!
EA

Paula Finn
Member Ascendant

since 2000-06-17

Posts 5546
missouri

35 posted 2003-07-01 09:21 AM

From one who knows the special feeling of partnering with Serenity...I can just imagine the time you two spent on this...what fun, what grace, what beauty you bring to my mind...

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