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Open Poetry #27
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Sudhir Iyer
Member Ascendant
since 2000-04-26
Posts 6943
Mumbai, India : now in Belgium

0 posted 2003-06-26 07:21 AM


triangles, rectangles and squares
circles and debating ellipses
all in their own perfect world
of the great symmetry
dots close to each other
and lines straight and parallel

as I stand in the intersection
trying to discover the angle
at which my shadow
slaps the ground
like smog on the horizon
filled with shapeless drifters
like smoke rings of amoebic shapes

and there you are
in the landscape of the past
where your shadow
graces the lush green lawn
like a stream through rocks
in blue-eyed exuberance
like a lotus glowing through
the brown muddy lake

daft as I must be,
it will take this lifetime
to stop dreaming of butterfly kisses
that lasted just as long as
coffee stays warm in harsh winters
and then maybe in afterlife
I can lie down amongst parallel lines
and debate with spheres, cubes
and join the dots in 3-D

© Copyright 2003 Sudhir Iyer - All Rights Reserved
Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554

1 posted 2003-06-26 07:48 AM


and there you are
in the landscape of the past
where your shadow
graces the lush green lawn
like a stream through rocks
in blue-eyed exuberance
like a lotus glowing through
the brown muddy lake

daft as I must be,
it will take this lifetime
to stop dreaming of butterfly kisses
that lasted just as long as
coffee stays warm in harsh winters
and then maybe in afterlife
I can lie down amongst parallel lines
and debate with spheres, cubes
and join the dots in 3-D
=====================================

me thinks those butterfly kisses inspire you in wonderful ways...loved the imagery in this..and the use of abstract surreal entities as well...as always your writing is so fresh, original and creative.
in blue-eyed exuberance

and I just loved that line...both for the alliteration and the admiration of which is speaks.

Another SUPERB SUDIR write.

All I can feel is this distance between you and me.
I can say I love you but I can't make you believe me
because touching is believing.

c.j.

Cpat Hair
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Patricius
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793

2 posted 2003-06-26 07:51 AM


and there you are
in the landscape of the past
where your shadow
graces the lush green lawn
like a stream through rocks
in blue-eyed exuberance
like a lotus glowing through
the brown muddy lake

really enjoyed this passage...

enjoyed the whole..but the lines above strike me for some reason.
good stuff my friend... very nicely done

Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191
Cape Cod Massachusetts USA
3 posted 2003-06-26 08:40 AM


Your butterfly dreams are our good fortune, Sudhir... Keep them coming, my friend...
Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla
4 posted 2003-06-26 09:13 AM


Sudhir,
Well done as you can see by
JM's reply,

passing shadows
Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577
displaced
5 posted 2003-06-26 01:42 PM


GOD! This is brilliant! just an awesome write!
Sudhir Iyer
Member Ascendant
since 2000-04-26
Posts 6943
Mumbai, India : now in Belgium
6 posted 2003-06-27 10:57 AM


Janet, Thank you so much for your generous reply  

Ron, I thank you...  

Nan, I will keep trying...  

Seymour, many thanks...  

Dixie, thanks for such a nice compliment...

regards to all,
Sudhir

[This message has been edited by Sudhir Iyer (06-27-2003 10:58 AM).]

Elan
Member
since 2002-05-03
Posts 382
State of Wide Eye
7 posted 2003-06-27 12:08 PM



Nay, Sir...never daft...
but the hopeless optimistic romanticist you be....

Ceinwyn
Member Elite
since 2000-07-09
Posts 2175
VA
8 posted 2003-06-27 12:17 PM


I don't know i'm speechless this is just umm woah?? lol I doubt that justifies how much I enjoy this...

If at first you don't succeed destroy all the evidence that you tried.

vandana
Deputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Patricius
since 1999-10-22
Posts 10463
USA
9 posted 2003-06-27 07:36 PM


enjoyed
Sudhir Iyer
Member Ascendant
since 2000-04-26
Posts 6943
Mumbai, India : now in Belgium
10 posted 2003-07-09 05:13 AM


Friend, I thank you all... much appreciated...

regards
sudhir

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