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Open Poetry #27
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gemjop
Member Elite
since 2002-11-18
Posts 2587
Pencilveinia, USA

0 posted 2003-06-24 02:04 PM



Too many stops
and i'm wondering why
all six carriages are crawling with hate

dropping people closer to their homes?

Play hangman with me
the missing letters are we
but you've already tied the noose

nearer than before to my mind

Now i remember
just why i laughed
every escape you make lacks a ticket

platform rain tastes heavier than before.


© Copyright 2003 gj - All Rights Reserved
Brad Majors
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Member Elite
since 2001-04-03
Posts 2647
Georgia
1 posted 2003-06-24 02:11 PM


nice
Cpat Hair
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Member Patricius
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793

2 posted 2003-06-24 02:13 PM


Now i remember
just why i laughed
every escape you make lacks a ticket

platform rain tastes heavier than before


strong ending lines... very nicely done


passing shadows
Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577
displaced
3 posted 2003-06-24 02:40 PM


power packed punch at the end there! awesome write!
LeeJ
Member Patricius
since 2003-06-19
Posts 13296

4 posted 2003-06-24 03:14 PM


whewwww, this packed a punch...walloped me right in the heart...but then I think...welp, you know something, you've experienced a love like non other in your lifetime...and that in itself was worth the pain...the hurt...the loss...and perhaps lady jane...you will love again, just as much, if not more...better and with the soul mate of your being.  Wishing you much strength and happiness.  
garysgirl
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Member Laureate
since 2002-09-29
Posts 19237
Florida, USA
5 posted 2003-06-24 03:21 PM


Now i remember
just why i laughed
every escape you make lacks a ticket

platform rain tastes heavier than before.


I don't know what to say, Little friend,
so I'll just give you more hugs....

         
We love you, Gemma girl  xoxoxo
Ethel Mae

Kaoru
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Member Elite
since 2003-06-07
Posts 3892
where the wild flowers grow
6 posted 2003-06-24 04:47 PM


"Play hangman with me
the missing letters are we
but you've already tied the noose "

You write so well~ *envy*  

Enjoyed

Aenimal
Member Rara Avis
since 2002-11-18
Posts 7350
the ass-end of space
7 posted 2003-06-24 10:05 PM


Play hangman with me
the missing letters are we
but you've already tied the noose

Aye loov is grand in'it? Hugs ta yoo

ctowen
Member Elite
since 2001-10-18
Posts 2286
Green Mountains of VT
8 posted 2003-06-24 11:55 PM


Maybe tomorrow ....

     the trip will be worth it

        and the rain will stop.


      I can see the soul in the depth of your skies.

littlewing
Member Rara Avis
since 2003-03-02
Posts 9655
New York
9 posted 2003-06-25 08:05 PM


every escape you make lacks a ticket

Mannn ya know?

I know . . .
love the metaphors in this gem
cool very cool write indeed
(well the content no
but the image yes)
xxoo

Wind
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2002-10-12
Posts 2981

10 posted 2003-06-25 08:07 PM


Definately a keeper.

I said I'm going to buy a gun and start a war,
If you can tell me something worth fighting for
-coldplay

Artic Wind
Member Rara Avis
since 2007-09-16
Posts 8080
Realm of Supernatural
11 posted 2009-03-24 05:35 PM


Deeply enjoyed! ~ Emotions in this are clearly stated! ~ I liked this


ARCTIC WIND

aujussy wolf
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Senior Member
since 2003-08-09
Posts 1215
Michigan
12 posted 2010-01-14 03:14 AM


good closing lines!

In his mantle gray he walked one day across a shining floor and with crystal key in secrecy he opened an ivory door -J.R.R. Tolkien(T.Bombadil)

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