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Open Poetry #27

Outside In

Foxyoasis
Senior Member

since 2003-06-10

Posts 974
Atlantic Beach,Fla

0 posted 2003-06-18 12:37 PM

Looking through
the outside
thinking about life

I can see the outside
looking into me
seeing into me

i say dont make
it right to
jugde me that way
dont make it nice
to say the things that
you say

walking down the
street as people pass
by strolling though
the thoughts of my
mind

they look at me
and stare and
wonder who i am

i say dont make it
right to say that
to me Just leave
me alone and let me
be.

Fool me once shame on you.....Fool me twice shame on me.....

Kaoru

Member Elite

since 2003-06-07

Posts 3892
where the wild flowers grow

1 posted 2003-06-18 01:42 AM

This is very good.. It'd be nicer if you would elongate the imagery of the words you're saying so I can get a closer veiw into your emotion. Not to say it's not good the way it is, of course.. I could always build on it in my head by what you've already written

Lovely.

Foxyoasis
Senior Member

since 2003-06-10

Posts 974
Atlantic Beach,Fla

2 posted 2003-06-18 01:48 AM

thanks

i dident think it was one of my best,but i figure it throw it out there

Fool me once shame on you.....Fool me twice shame on me.....

passing shadows
Member Empyrean

since 1999-08-26

Posts 45577
displaced

3 posted 2003-06-18 04:09 AM

I liked it, and could relate

Foxyoasis
Senior Member

since 2003-06-10

Posts 974
Atlantic Beach,Fla

4 posted 2003-06-18 04:34 AM

thanks guys

Artic Wind
Member Rara Avis

since 2007-09-16

Posts 8080
Realm of Supernatural

5 posted 2008-02-22 05:33 PM

Enjoyed the write

ARCTIC WIND

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