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Open Poetry #27
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Old_Shoe_New_Laces
Junior Member
since 2003-06-16
Posts 31


0 posted 2003-06-16 03:09 AM


'A cup of tea...'

with lemon and
a bit of sugar,
this morning, as
young men
prepare for war
and death,
I think of a city
in Europe, perhaps
Rome, I forget, as
an infant cries
for a mothers breast,
somewhere
the sun hasn’t risen,
ships leave harbors,
a bomb
explodes, someone
forgets their umbrella,
it snows
in the mountains,
a woman is
de-flowered, I
light a cigarette
and take
another sip.

© Copyright 2003 B.A. Stites - All Rights Reserved
passing shadows
Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577
displaced
1 posted 2003-06-16 03:31 AM


wow! I often think about what things go on as I relax, only a few moments, many things happen in the world in just a few seconds

great write, glad you've come!

daniel_martin
Junior Member
since 2003-06-15
Posts 30
london
2 posted 2003-06-16 03:47 AM


um.. (what do i do if they don't encourage a critique?)

it's interesting, could work on rhythm though

Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354
Listening to every heart
3 posted 2003-06-16 04:35 PM



Drinkers always say "it's 5:00 p.m. somewhere around the world..." and sip away.  I know you're having tea, but the shoe fits...

and all we can do is take our little corner of the world and make it the best little corner possible...

Nice write, OSNL...look forward to reading more of your poetry...

passing shadows
Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577
displaced
4 posted 2003-06-17 04:00 AM


to the top!
Local Parasite
Deputy Moderator 10 Tours
Member Elite
since 2001-11-05
Posts 2527
Transylconia, Winnipeg
5 posted 2003-07-16 12:04 PM


I like this concept.  I've written on it myself, too... the mundane world in which we live when bombs are exploding somewhere else.  It seems strange that all we are allowed to care about is that which directly influences our known universe.  Perhaps someone dies just as you light that cigarette.  A complete stranger who never had any impact on your life.   So what do you care?

It's saddening how limited our perception really is.  But my pretending that saddens me is even ironic itself, in a way, isn't it...?  Hah...

Either way... a thought-provoking piece of poetry.  Your style is one which I don't care for, but that's probably a matter of opinion, as it's one which many poets on this site prefer.  It's simple, yes, but I feel it could benefit from more detail.

Like I said, that's just my opinion and I could be wrong... either way, a good poem on a refreshing topic.

Parasite

Faith is a fine invention
When gentlemen can see
But microscopes are prudent
In an emergency.
~~~Emily Dickinson

Aenimal
Member Rara Avis
since 2002-11-18
Posts 7350
the ass-end of space
6 posted 2003-07-16 12:07 PM


excellent, reminded me of Charles Bukowski's
'pull a string , a puppet moves' or maybe it's just me

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